I'm so frustrated and feel so alone. Does anyone else have a Jekyll and Hyde child?

[Overmydeadbody]

Am at my wit's end.

The school are at their wit's end too.

DS is an easygoing, lovely, amenable, intelligent child at home.

When he is at school, he acts like he has Asbergers.

This year the school and I have tried everything, there is no pattern to it, no specific triggers, he is just a different child and his behaviour is deterioating.

I am so frustrated and also just want to cry. Where is my lovely boy when he's at school?

[Overmydeadbody]

So I am alone then

[wasuup3000]

What makes you think your child acts like he has Aspergers at school?

Can you give some examples of his behaviour?

[magso]

There are many children who cope better in one setting and not another. My son does have autism with sensory issues and poor language so noisy busy ms school was really difficult for everone! Is there anything in particular that is difficult for your son?

[TotalChaos]

got very little time before school run - have you done any reading into sensory issues - also you might find it useful to look at a book called Martian in the Playground by Clare Sainsbury. he might (or of course might not!) have difficultes with crowds/.noise/transitions that are triggering behaviour problems.

[drlove8]

hello Overmy! ive got several jeckle and hyde children - so its not just the SN kids that are like that, NT ones can be horrors at school too.... unfortunatly i have one who is the exact opposite to your DS.... he's marvelous at school and a total shite handful at home... not an aspie though -ADHD ! ...i Agree that the school "crowds" can be too much for some kids, DD4 had frequent meltdowns when she started nursery ... too many kids ,new stuff everywhere ...its like a pressure cooker exploding tbh! . you have my sympathy , its not easy! Have you tried fish oils? work a treat with my monsters kids!

[Overmydeadbody]

Hello everyone and thanks for replying.

Sorry I just posted in frustration without really giving much information.

TotalChaos that is exactly it, he can't cope with noise and crowds and lots going on at once.

wasuup I have observed him at school and can see it (I am a primary teacher and have worked with autistic children).

His main issue is not listening (although the school now think it's not a deliberate not listening, more a not being able to hear or take in the information)

He doesn't communicate, rarely answers direct questions, cannot cope in group situations like carpet time and assembly, and even standing in line for very long, gets very little work done unless he's working alone at a workstation with a ta, has almost constant TA presence with him at school, is defiant, physically aggresive towards the adults if they touch him or try to physically move him.

Hides under the table, spins things for comfort, doesn't cope well with change to routine, runs away from adults at play time when it's time to line up and go inside...

No punishments work, he couldn't care less about rewards, stickers, pasta jars, incentives. If he doesn't want to do something he doesn't seem to 'get' why he still has to do it.

I will order that book TotalChaos. He has an appointment with a peadiatrician in a few weeks, the school are arranging for an Ed. Psych to come in and assess him. They think it is a communication problem, I think it's more a choice DS has made and he understands perfectly well what he is doing. He is bright, socially aware, can alter his interaction with people depending on their age, shows empathy, and talks for England when he wants to.

[Overmydeadbody]

fish oils! what a good idea. Will buy more oily fish and see if that helps.

[drlove8]

Overmydeadbody you can buy concentrated omega/fish oils that are flavoured if your dc wont eat fish.... i give the IQ one to my dd4 in orange juice and she takes t no problem. some of the other mums mix them into food. it comes in citrus and vanilia flavours ... made all the difference to my DD.... she started saying single words at xmas and now she's begining to say two words together.

[MissPitstop]

My son is totally Jekyll and Hyde. He conforms at school but is stressed out by all the sensory issues and by hiding his AS. When he gets out of school he is agressive, violent and has regular meltdowns. Tony Attwood describes this in his book about AS, it is quite common in children with AS. I am trying, and failing at the moment, to make his school and the LEA understand his needs. In the meantime I have been teeching him at home, since we started this he is noticably calmer and happier.

[magso]

It sounds like you have everything in hand. However I wonder if a sensory assessment from a specialised OT is worth pursuing or discussing with the paed when you get there. It may also be worth ruling out a hearing problem if this has not already been done.
My son is very 'single channeled' and has a lot of difficulty listening ( tuning in his ears!)- and is easily distracted especially in a (visually) busy enviroment. There are many stratagies that can help with this. Sensory difficulties can occur as a difficulty/ disorder on their own - or with other developmental disorders such as aspergers.

It is very hard when your child behaves 'badly' at school, awful for the child being in constant trouble - and horrible having to see it.

[Overmydeadbody]

Thank you everyone for your responses.

I am feeling more positive now and certainly not cross with DS for his behaviour.

I have to go out now so don't have time to respond to everyone, but I will later, thank you all for sharing.

I am going to invest in some books and have already talked to the senco about possible SPD.

[thinkingaboutdrinking]

Just wanted to add to this - I could have written your OP. Nursery have just told us they think DS has autism - we have no evidence at home AT ALL - as an ex-teacher i know a bit about it and social/ communication/ routines we have no probs.
We are having quite a few meltdowns and tantrums but not anything that suggests ASD to me. (DS is 3.4)
I had not come across SPD before but will mention to paed - HV is referring us - I'm hoping to rule out ASD but nursery obviously see a different child from me - strict routines, not wanting changes, not using loo, refusing to eat etc.
So no answers, just sympathy here

[Peachy]

HHmmmm.

We ahd the opposite: at home ds1 was a nightmare, at school for tyears an agel.

He does have a dx now btw, as / hfa.

At school he is worse now,at home we get glimpses of the child he could be- as well as the child who has rfecently been referred to a psychosis team .

There's reasions this can happen- now I am not saying any of your children are ASD< have never met the, just telling what I have learned.

Sometimes one environment or the other feels too much but the otyher is fine: this might be becuase the right sort of rules, routines, stimulant levels exist there. It can also be a security thing- a child feels safewith parent o doesn't overload there, or in our case a child feelssafe with aprent so can display the total collapse there after trying so very ahrd to hold it all together all day.

Mya dvice is always be open minded and get an assessment if school ask for it. Contrary to popular thought (admittedly usually in the daily mail LOL) diagnoses aren't handed out likre sweets, they take time, and even if school don't get the answer they expect they may get advice that helps them from SALT / Ed PSych / etc.

[thinkingaboutdrinking]

I certainly agree with the advice bit peachy, if we get DX then hopefully we can get some help and advice, and if no DX then maybe just a bit of advice (hopeful!). Either way, I just feel like I want DS to be happy, and not stressed, so anything I can do to help I will - it just feels a bit hard at the mo!

[oliandjoesmum]

Hi, just to add my tale. Eldest son has diagnosis of aspergers. Pretty much easy as anything at home, loving to his brothers, able to take instruction, copes with change, only prob really is getting him to do something else if embroiled in the current obsession (at moment is lego). Have had bad times when he is very stressed, but generally good. At school, omg, what a different tale, I just don't recognise my lovely little boy. Running out of class, hiding under tables, destroying his work, kicking teachers, biting people, drawing pictures threatening to kill,refusing to take instruction, swearing, innapropriate language, has to eat and play seperate from other children, etc etc. And this is a child on gifted and talented for 2 subjects, super super bright. Just trying to say, it is really really normal what you are experiencing. Btw, just about to move him from mainstream to a school with resourced unit for asd, but he still needs full time 1-1 there.