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Here some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

I just want to cry all the time

(16 Posts)
Frasersmum123 Tue 16-Jun-09 11:50:43

Sorry if this is a sad thread, and it also doesnt really have any point, but I just feel so sad.

Why cant I stop comparing DS with other children? I know I shouldnt but its so difficult when you see younger children communicate and do other things that he just cant. Our HV said to me yesterday that DD who is 8 months will be catching DS up soon and I just burst into tears.

We are getting our symbols from our Speech therapist today, but I just dont feel very confident. I feel like an awful mother and I dont really know where to turn.

This really is a self-indulgent post and I am sorry, but mu husband is working away this week and im struggling - the weather doesnt help because DS loves to be outside

mysonben Tue 16-Jun-09 12:18:59

I'm sorry you are feeling down at the moment. it will get better , you have to give yourself some time. Your little boy will progress , change , learn and grow up too , just like other kids, even if it' s at a slower pace than the average kiddie and who wants average anyway! wink
My ds is behind his peers with his speech, self care, socialising , playing,... i know it can be hard not to compare them to NT kids and i still do when i drop him at nursery , my heart sinks when i see how 'different ' he is. But he is happy and we love him as he is! That is what matters. The accepting bit is hard and i'm only half there myself and we cannot change the fact that our children are SN but we can teach them and help them with all the bumps of daily life and eventually it will make a difference.
When i start comparing i try to think that after other families are coping with far worse disabilities or illnesses than my ds s'mild asd . So i try to focus on the goods things , all the things he CAN do instead of what he cannot.

Hang in there. smile

mysonben Tue 16-Jun-09 12:34:27

It wasn't helpful from your HV to make that comment ! Of all people she should think before speaking . Take it with a pinch of salt , your ds will amaze you one day. wink

MojoLost Tue 16-Jun-09 12:42:59

Hello sad
I hate to think that you are alone at home without your DH and feeling sad. Glad that you are unloading here on MN. How old is Fraser?

I understand what you mean and I am sure many of other posters here do as well. My DS2 (NT) who is only 2.5 years old has already caught up and overtaken DS1's speech who is 4.5. It is difficult to comprehend. I can see DS1 making huge progress, but then DS2 marathoning ahead with no effort at all.

I used to feel extremely upset with regards to DS1's delay compared to other children, I used to take him to play group every week and come back home feeling utterly depressed. The good news smile, is that as time goes by, it gets easier, your skin gets thicker, and it doesn't matter so much.

Honestly, I still have my wobbly moments, but I really don't care how well other children are doing anymore, I just compare DS1 to how he was a month ago.

FioFio Tue 16-Jun-09 13:01:43

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TotalChaos Tue 16-Jun-09 13:06:34

I'm sorry, it's such a difficult time when we are getting our head round our kids having these delays. It does get easier - you get more used to it, and compare with other kids less and less. Words fail me at your insensitive HV - I once had an equally "sensitive" ed psych that had me in bits, sometimes the professionals can have a surprising lack of empathy.

do you have access to any RL support groups - as it is nice to be able to talk to people going through similar, and hard to be around the toddler group competitive mum circuit types. I don't know you well, but you sound to be doing a great job - working with professionals to improve your lad's communication smile

FioFio Tue 16-Jun-09 13:08:46

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Frasersmum123 Tue 16-Jun-09 17:15:54

Thanks everyone for all your words - I feel a little cheered up now. The SALT bouyed me up a little and I have decided that I need to be more positive, as my defeatist attitude wont help anyone

x

Overmydeadbody Tue 16-Jun-09 17:20:06

Fraser if it's any consolation I am feeling the same way at the moment about DS. I kept my sunglasses on when I picked him u from school today as I was on the verge of tears the whole time sad

Frasersmum123 Tue 16-Jun-09 17:23:29

Overmydeadbody - hope your okay.

Lots of things seem to have got me down today - someone sent me one of those stupid twee poems about 'special children' by email which just started the day off badly!

Overmydeadbody Tue 16-Jun-09 17:42:06

Yes I am ok, thanks, just struggling to cope with it all as DS has had a particularly bad week at school and I am swinging between being really cross with him and feeling sorry for him, swinging between feeling that he should know better and be 'good' and feeling that he can't help it <<sigh>>

Sorry for thread hyjack. It is reassuring to know that I am not the only one getting upset by a 'special' child.

5inthebed Tue 16-Jun-09 19:12:26

<<hugs>> to you both! High emotions with SN children come and go like the tide I recon.

FM, your HV sounds great hmm. Next time you should ask her not to bother. If she is anything like mine, she spends about 5 seconds taking about my 6 month old (who she is avtually meant to be dealing with) and the rest of our appointment talking about ds2 and his "problems".

bubblagirl Tue 16-Jun-09 19:27:49

sending you big hugs

i know its hard but you really must not compare he is who he is and you love him for that he will do something others cannot and vise versa

if you have sn group near you do go its was great for me when ds was younger

if i lived nearer id pop round for a glass of wine and chatter

it is hard and i do still do it myself but i do stop myself now and focus on what we can do instead the confidence factor of what i did with ds took me along time but we took baby steps on small thin gs then bigger things until i felt i knew what he was capable of and how i could deal with it

you are doing a fab job just remember that children are a challenge and a learning curve sn or nt

my dp works away at times too and it can be tough so i understand how you feel there

{although now i secretly enjoy the peace ssshhhh another glass of wine lol} x

StarlightMcKenzie Tue 16-Jun-09 19:36:38

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bubblagirl Tue 16-Jun-09 20:14:52

i too felt like this once actually me and dp just sat here saying if we had magic wand we wouldn't take it away as he wouldn't be quirky and funny and so cute when he does certain things we just wish the struggles weren't there but i know many people with nt children who struggle worse than me every day with behaviorally challenged children

and ds is who he is if he wasn't ASD he wouldn't be my ds iykwim i love the way he doesnt know about hurtful things and his not bothered and how he is so happy doing what his doing every day as long as his happy thats what matters to me

as a parent your going to fight there corners regardless

my friends ds is terrible she has her hands full she struggles badly his rude and angry and nt she cant take him anywhere

where as ds at least has reasons to find it all a bit hard at times and yet we do have such fun

i know im rambling but guess im trying to say i too felt the way you do and now i am so much more accepting it all comes with time so allow yourself that and know you are perfectly normal

bubblagirl Tue 16-Jun-09 20:16:31

also it came with being able to rant on here have someone to agree and offer support the more i felt i wasn't alone the easier it became to me to accept things as i knew others were here to talk to and who understood me

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