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Got copy of my ds'nursery report today...[sad]

(13 Posts)
mysonben Sat 13-Jun-09 00:09:01

Oh dear. When i dropped ds at nursery this afternoon, i was collared by the office wink by his key worker, first she gave me a copy of the schedule they have planned for ds in terms of support. Excellent! Then she got me to sign the consent form for video recording ds for observations purposes. Good!
Finally she presented me with a copy of the nursery report about ds' social skills that they are to send to the paed.
Not so good... nothing was really new but just to see it on paper made me want to cry, there it was all ASD behaviours ,yet another nail in the coffin, it seems all so negative. Not like my happy little boy at all.
There were mentions of poor eye contact, obsessions with doors and toys with wheels, persistant carrying/holding of objects and toys, lots of screaming fits, routine with the toilet, ds' refusal to share, parrallel playing and obseving other children from a distance and resistance to joint shared activities, playing alone ,constant questioning about noises,... sad

It was a grim reminder of ds'problems.
I was quite surprised about the poor eye contact, at home ds has a fairly good eye contact most of the time anyway.
So i tucked it away in a drawer so i don't see it floating around the desk.

busybeingmum Sat 13-Jun-09 08:42:23

Message withdrawn

5inthebed Sat 13-Jun-09 08:50:13

I've had very similar ones about ds2 before/during his dx (minus the noise questioning) and they are never nice to read. I often leave mine to one side and read them after a bottle glass of wine.

vjg13 Sat 13-Jun-09 09:02:13

Reports are ALWAYS hard to read. It is hurtful to see it all down in black and white but it is really important for them to be a worse case senario so your child gets the help they need. My tactic is a quick scan then a proper read when feeling more robust!

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 13-Jun-09 10:51:04


I would agree with vjg that reports are hard to read. Certainly would also agree with her tactic re reports.

Although the nursery report is not so good they are being honest and truthful to the paediatrician re his difficulties. This is a good thing as it will help with your case to getting your DS more support. Not all nurseries by all means are this thorough.

My counsel as well is to apply NOW to your LEA for a Statement of special needs for your DS. Has anyone mentioned a Statement for him before now?. You have far more rights than anyone else does in that regard. This is a legally binding document that will outline his needs and support to help him. This is particularly useful for him to have in school.

You are your DS's best - and only - advocate.

bubblagirl Sat 13-Jun-09 11:47:57

mysonben it is always hard to see it on paper as we tend to know its happening but can easily dismiss it written down is constant reminder your report sounds like the first report we received for paed but from that he got 1-1 at pre school and has come along leaps

he still has his days he wants to do all his own thing but with the help of now and next chart he is responding more to there adult led activates is learning how to interact with other children in small groups with adult support

my ds eye contact is completely different in pre school setting to at home

he also does turn taking games with 1 other child and supported in taking it in turns say child x has 3 goes on bike then bubbla boy he is then encouraged to say your turn x and then he knows it'll be his turn maybe they can set up an iep where they can do these tasks with him

HelensMelons Sat 13-Jun-09 14:34:08

Feel the same. It's dreadful seeing it on paper and I always have a good cry and a bar of chocolate.

Marne Sat 13-Jun-09 14:35:11

I hate seeing things about dd2 wrote on paper sad. Most of dd's reports (from pead's and nursery) say about her poor eye contact, her lack of speech and how she lines up objects. Her eye contact is good at home put poor at nursery, i know she has a lot of ASD traits but it still hurts when others tell me sad.

amberflower Sat 13-Jun-09 15:34:41

Big glass of wine and some chocolate I think - sounds like an excellent idea to me.

I'm dreading getting our paed's report through on DS as well. I can imagine there will be tears, and I can't even have any wine cos I'm pregnant! I've seen his OT report already, and even though there was very little on there that surprised me it still hurt to read it, it just seemed to pathologise and categorise my child and it was horrible. God knows what the paed report is going to say.

My DS has great eye contact at home too but it has been mentioned as an occasional issue at school...with him I think you lose the eye contact when he is under pressure i.e. when can't do a task, or is meeting someone new.

I do have to say though....your nursery sound great...I have heard so many stories of unsupportive nursery professionals and at least it sounds as if yours are being rigorous and thorough which can only be a good thing.

I think the idea of video observation is fantastic, and wish the same were available for my DS. One of my biggest gripes with the whole assessment process is the artificiality of the whole thing i.e. clinical settings, unfamiliar professionals, etc etc. The most NT of children could find that intimidating, let alone one with ASD! At least this way they will be building up what will be a more accurate picture, given that they'll be observing him in a familiar environment, and this can only help tailor the support to meet his needs.

I can imagine you must feel wretched having read your report and I'm sure I'll be posting similar in a few days time BUT hold on to the fact that, as you say, you have a happy little boy at home. He sounds gorgeous. And he is still very very young, and with early intervention who knows what he is going to achieve.

mysonben Sun 14-Jun-09 01:17:47

Thank you ladies. I did have a cry and felt rubbish for the rest of that day, but today was another day and i got up on the right foot.

My dh surprised me because usually he bury his head in the sand and won't accept or see the obvious. But after reading the report he said 'there is nothing we don't already know' ,so i think he is slowly realising and accepting that ds has some problems and difficulties even if he still refuses to call it asd.

I have a question that has nothing to do with the report.
Over the past few days , ds has been showing a keen interest in lights. Such as when he climbs on top of the back of the settee ( he loves that despite our attempts to teach him not too wink) well he was oggling the wall light and told me 'look mummy light'. He has found a small torch that belonged to ds1 and often plays at turning it on and off. Same with bathroom light pull i caught him playing with it several times. And today as we were having coffe and a bun at a terrace in town, he suddenly points at some office building across the road and says 'look lights on' .
It just seems like a lot of interest in lights all of a sudden.
Do you think this could be a new obsession in the making??? hmm
I hope not...we have enough of that with all his beloved vehicles and their noises , doors , and the toilet.

5inthebed Sun 14-Jun-09 08:51:54

DS2 went through a stage of liking to flik the lights on and off. He is still into light switches, but doesn't get obsessed about flicking them now. We bought him his own little torch which he could play with and he seemed to be content with that.

misscutandstick Sun 14-Jun-09 09:32:01

we have a 'light flicker', we all sit there chilling and watching TV or whatever, in a cacophony of disco lights whilst DS5 is like a whirlwind with main lights, wall lights, and table lamps!

Hes not as bad as he used to be tho, thankfully

bubblagirl Sun 14-Jun-09 17:54:07

my ds loves to put lights on and off loves his torches etc traffic lights but luckily its not really an obsession the flicking on and off has stopped now and i do know nt children that went through same phases

we did get a torch hippo i believe that shines stars when it opens its mouth he loved this but we just have normal torch now and he looks for shadows

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