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Once again I need reassurance that persuing dx with behavioural problems is the right thing to do

(9 Posts)
SunisShinin Thu 11-Jun-09 19:39:04

Have posted on here loads and MN's so good at saying early dx is best and drs won't dx whats not there.

Special needs co-ord came on Mon and said she thought there was something but not ASD and referred to ed psyche.

Totally torn coz since i made some changes at home ds1 (4) has really improved so I feel like I should call off the assessments as he is so happy.

Friend works at his pre-school and says he is just like all the other children and thinks I'm mad for saying he is different.

another friend with Aspie son says she recognises it is ds1.

My mum and brother have just started to notice some of his quirks. And just now I realised how terrible his sentence construction is.

I cried when I was talking to SN lady because I feel like a liar talking about all his 'problems' as this perfectly happy healthy, loving little boy charges round the house. I don't want to put him through unneccesary strife.

TotalChaos Thu 11-Jun-09 19:52:54

having been through the assessments - they really aren't stressful for a young child - it's a case of having a nice lady or two come and watch them play - now for the parents on the other hand they are rather more stressful. I would definitely keep on with it - as how he behaves in a group setting is v. significant, and as you have concerns about language anyway that are worth looking at.

SunisShinin Thu 11-Jun-09 20:15:04

Thanks - I have literally only just noticed his language problems in last couple of days. His vocab is great but sentence construction is really odd sometimes and he when he's telling me something its easy to hear the individual words but not understand the overall message.

I am really stressed about this as I can forsee fallingo out with some friends and family over this - but obviously not important compared to getting ds support needed.

amberflower Thu 11-Jun-09 21:37:06

I would completely agree with TotalChaos - I have found the assessments my DS has been through far more stressful than he has! He seemed to enjoy it all, to be honest, though was noticeably tired and a bit stroppy at the end of each assessment probably because he'd been so focused during it.

The friends/family thing is really hard. But at the end of the day - your child, your decision, your business, not theirs. As you say, your DS is the most important thing.

If you're really stressed about it, could you consider forging ahead with your assessments and simply not telling them? I only say that because we've actually opted, for the moment, to keep DS's verbal ASD diagnosis completely private, other than confiding in a (very) few close friends for support and advice. Haven't told his grandparents, aunts/uncles etc, and no plans to, unless we experience further issues later on which would suggest it would be beneficial for DS for others to know.

This is partly because we're not yet at the emotional 'stage' of being able to face the inevitable questions and opinions, but mostly because DS presents no symptoms outside of school - it was school who instigated his assessments - and so no benefit or need, in our eyes, for anyone other than his teachers to be aware of the DX at the moment...

mysonben Thu 11-Jun-09 23:06:44

I could have written your post honey. I can totally understand how you are feeling right now. I got a verbal dx of mild asd for my 3 1/2 y old ds2, who also has huge speech delay, i'm the one who pushed for the appointment with the paed because of some odd behaviours and the way his speech is developing.
I constantly get comments from relatives (who are well meaning but do not live with ds so cannot see a lot of the things i see), my dh agrees that ds'has quirky ways and speech are a bit unusual ! (To say the least!) but he has trouble accepting that it's asd related. He thinks ds will grow out of it and that all will be fine when ds'speech improves.

Sometimes i feel like i should just stop it there , no more appointments with the paed, no more senco,... because it is obvious my ds is a happy chappy , he is affectionate , sleeps ok, eats not so ok (but so do lots of other kiddies of that age), loves nursery, is healthy,... and friends and relatives (apart from my mum who think i should
pursuit) keep saying ok he has a few quirky ways but ALL kids are different just don't compare him to other kids! (easier said than done). But i won't give up i will take ds to his next paed appointment because i trust my instincts that all is not well.

That is what you should do too , trust your motherly instincts because you know your son best. Good luck wink

lingle Fri 12-Jun-09 09:28:20

Do you actually have an instinct here? I had no instincts whatsoever when I was at my most worried.

Actually I do think that falling out with family and friends is important.

Is privacy your answer?

coppertop Fri 12-Jun-09 11:00:42

I definitely agree about assessments being more stressful for us than for our children.

Working in a pre-school (as your friend does) doesn't mean that you will necessarily spot the signs of SN. If it were that simple then there would be no need for SENCOs or Ed Psychs to visit pre-schools.

Family and friends can also have pre-conceived ideas about what a child with SN should be like. Even when my own ds1's ASD was pretty obvious (non-verbal, not seeming to notice other people even existed, extremely passive) other family members either couldn't or wouldn't see it.

I would say to go ahead with the assessment(s) if you have noticed any issues - which ou obviously have.

Good luck.

mysonben Fri 12-Jun-09 11:52:25

Lingle- was your last post meant for me?

If it was , i was just trying to say that my instinct as his mum ,this nagging feeling i have that won't go away tells me something is wrong despite all the comments from relatives sayig his behaviours are 'normal'.
So my advice to Sunisshinin is to follow what she believes if she is worried then she should carry on asking questions.

If your post wasn't for me then apologies. I try not to offend anyone , also english isn't my mother tongue and it's a bit hard sometimes to find the right words ,kwim? smile

lingle Fri 12-Jun-09 20:49:17

no it wasn't.

gosh it would be really rude if addressed to you -sorry for the confusion!!!

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