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can anyone recommend a behaviour management/discipline book that has worked for ASD child?

(8 Posts)
iwearflairs Tue 09-Jun-09 04:12:54

I never seem to be able to get to grips with discipline and managing difficult behaviour and I feel that the worse I am at the first, the more likely it is I am doing the second.

My DS is HFA and also very bright, a tricky combination and I find him very difficult to fathom in terms of what is attention seeking and what is something he can't help. He is a child who needs to be in control a lot of the time and meltsdown if he can't be in control or is told directly what to do a lot of the time. I feel that I need to help him cope with being told what to do because this is what children are expected to do in school and he starts in Sept. Teachers are not going to make everything into a game which is what he seems to need in order to be happy and not defiant.

I just don't know what to do or what method to follow - behavioural methods seem to upset him so much but child-centred methods don't seem to relate the how he will have to experience the world.

Can anyone help? I am looking at books like 1-2-3 Magic but have no idea if they are any good.

streakybacon Tue 09-Jun-09 07:47:21

You could try Brenda Boyd's 'Parenting A Child With Asperger Syndrome - 200 Tips and Strategies' which should give you some good ideas.

Have you also read Martian In The Playground by Claire Sainsbury? Might be useful to prepare for school situations, to know what your son might have difficulties with when the time comes. Forewarned is forarmed wink.

It might be worth looking into the NAS's Help2 seminars which look at individual aspects of working with autism, eg sensory issues, sibling relationships, anger, how to write social stories, bullying. They are excellent sessions and give lots of tips for learning how to identify your own child's specific needs and create strategies for managing them.

magso Tue 09-Jun-09 10:54:52

I agree the NAS Help 2 seminars may be a good starting point - although I think aimed at over 5s. There ideas may carry weight with school too.
Well my son has LD and ADHD aswell as autism so I avoid anything complex! He too needs to be in control or at least feel he is. I used 2 books 'The incredible years' ( Webster stratton) and 123 Magic since he was about 4 - although I attended courses (adhd not asd specific)for both these methods and use elements from both as a basic framework. I know many parents of very able verbal children (with asd) feel less positive about both these books though! I have seen 123magic in my county library so perhaps borrow (via request)and see. It is not so much the timeout method that is useful ( timeout can be tricky - we use time to cool/reflect) but the other methods and inventive ideas!
I will admit that compliance is still a big issue for us - ds ( now 9) still needs more than a simple 'please do x'!

Widemouthfrog Tue 09-Jun-09 11:02:30

Have you talked with the school SENCO? It may be worth getting some inclusion advice to help devise strategies that will work for your DS in school.
How long has he been diagnosed? If it is faily recently do you have access to NAS run Earlybird courses in your area that would help you and a teacher from DS's school learn about appropriate techniques tailored to your DS. You get a very good 'manual' provided as part of the course.

saintlydamemrsturnip Tue 09-Jun-09 11:23:41

I have a few books on challenging behaviours on my website -click on challenging behaviours on the side bar. The website is aimed at families dealing with severe autism so many of those books won't be suitable but the 'people with autism behaving badly' would probably be suitable. Or the incredible 5 point scale - also sold on amazon.

I agree about NAS earlybird. Or check out their local Help courses. Their Help courses tend to be aimed at the high functioning end of the spectrum and there is one on behaviours that gets runs.

saintlydamemrsturnip Tue 09-Jun-09 11:28:13

The key to behaviour management is always understanding why the child is behaving the way they are. Of course with autism it may not be clear - worth reading some books about sensory issues as well.

iwearflairs Wed 10-Jun-09 11:28:33

You are all wonderful - thank you. Will call NAS and get on a course. Should have done so before and will start on those books. He is a little sweetie a lot of the time but other days I don't know whether I am coming or going with him. I am sure you all know the feeling! Thanks again, feel better armed now. smile

joylander Wed 10-Jun-09 23:46:31

Hi guys I am new to site and have been reading many, not sure quite how to interpret dd and ds1 etc, Read this message and saw a replica of my own --- age 8 now, 123 magic worked for me for several years, but now tired of it need new imput as controlling actions are getting stronger, and more defiant, the my -- has adhd with high odd, and we are getting him assessed for aspergers, if i had the money i would have a giant play room at the end of the garden with a ball pit, tv and electric gadgets, oh and a robot to help clear up and occupy him, without this he is a mini terminator. We have new splasher swimming pool he loves to go out but he decided to put big hole in this one, Exhausting. Definately got sensory issues, people walking past when playing ds lite can set him off, its like walking on egg shells. One of the things that I found helps understand is social stories by carol someone, quite well known, amazon do lots of books on feelings managing anger hands are not for hitting. But really therapy should be coming from Cahms they dofamily therapy anger manangement, play therapy, I have still to access it... If talking to him directly sets himoff, maybe oppositional defiant, what works with these kids one week may not work another, when mine was young and I see things escalating I would distract him to look at the green squirrel outside, lots of techniques, have been used at once before time out, now its have you had a chocolate or biscuit today? these work wonders in the early stages, try and acknowledge feelings, that will help him to understand, IE you are feeling so angry you want to hit mummy...leave him to think as best as poss.
try a mood dairy with different faces use these faces here, embaressment sets mine of a lot at school and at home jealousy. hope to join in with you guys still have a long way to go with mine.

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