2 year old won't walk away from something that is hurting him - is this normal

[ABitStretched]

Hi I'm posting here coz ds1 (4) is suspected to have some degree of ASD and I have my concerns about ds2 (2) as well.

Because intervening in the constant sibling rivalry was getting me know where I have made the conscious decision to let them come to their own settlement (fight it out) whilst keeping a watchful eye. This seems to be working well and they usually work through their problems within a couple of minutes. But one behaviour just won't budge. ds1 (4) has these moods where I can see all he wants to do is wind his brother up and will constantly torment him (scream in his ear, splash water at him, poke him etc etc). I don't tolerate it and ds1 is sent to his room to cool off but on the occassions when I have either decided to do watchful waiting or simply haven't been able to intervene I have noticed that ds2 will simply stand there and take it - he will never even call for me, let alone seek me out. I've also noticed that if he hurts himself he just keeps on doing it - he likes to grab the grill pan even if its hot. This has happened a couple of times and after consolling him he just instantly grabs for it again. and when he slipped on a wet floor in the bathroom after I had cuddled him and taken him out he just went straight back in and fell again. The list goes on but my point is he seems to be totally unaware of danger and no idea what to do when faced with it (like call for help or come to me). Is this normal?Am I expectin too much. ds1 has always been very rule and danger aware - usually learnt his lesson straight away so I'm a bit lost.
any thoughts?

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

It could be that he's not feeling the pain, or not feeling it in the same way that you might.

ds1 never seemed to feel pain. I'd know he must be hurt, yet he'd never show it. (not any more btw!! )

ds2 was the complete opposite - he'd scream the place down if a feather landed on him!

I wonder if he's got any sensory processing problems re pain??

[ABitStretched]

he cries loud enough so pretty sure he feels pain and fear but he'll just stay rooted to the spot. I've tried to get him to shout help or mummy but not happening. Responding to every cry when they're a baby is fine but as he gets older I'd like the option to hang back a bit and let him find his own way - not really an option at the moment as I have no idea if he is really hurt or frightened - his response is the same. I guess by this age I expected him to be able to stop doing something that was hurting him enough to make him cry, walk away from someone who is making him cry and come and find me if he needs comfort or reassurance. I know all children develop differently, he's 2.3, am I expecting too much?

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

yes.

Thing with children with autism - well, any child I suppose, but I have no clue how to deal with nt kids , is you have to take all your expectations, and your shoulds and your ought to be able tos, and chuck them in the bin, then turn round and look at your child and just deal with how they are, right there and then.

You're still looking to teach them the same things (after all, they're just normal kids and we want the same thing for them - a life in the world!), but you have to put aside everything you thought you knew or understood or expected and get creative

[Davros]

2 years old is a very tricky time as there are so many things they should be doing but maybe aren't. DD at 2 was hard to work out, did she have ASD or not? If so, was it "mild" or very different to DS? There were many reasons to think so but she "pulled through" as I think of it, and is definitely NT (she is now 6).
One of the theories with pain and Self-injurious Behaviour is that people with ASD have higher levels of endorphins in their brains and this means they don't feel pain as easily or readily as others. Also, pain causes endorphins and they sometimes seek out pain to deliberately increase the "endorphin feeling" as it is pleasant AND blocks out other sensations/feelings [hmmm] I don't know how much evidence there is for this theory but I have seen a very respected lecturer say this, although it was some years ago.

[ABitStretched]

interseting reading - especially as he does bite himself really hard. Even though he cries maybe he there's a part of him that enjoys it. I'll have to be a bit more responsive in future.