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[jetcat32]

i have posted this in the parenting forum, but hope it is ok to post here aswell, mainly because i know there will be other posters whose kids have non existant or very few social skills.

hi, my DD1 has just returned from the corner shop very uspet. She is 12, and awaiting assessment for aspergers. We have not lived in this street very long at all, and a little girl down the street is very mouthy, and usually tries to engage my DD in conversation - and when that fails, she resorts to calling her names and teasing her.
I have witnessed this - and usually make sure that this other girl knows i am there (if we are getting in the car for example, i will walk round to the other side, her seeing me usually shuts her up)

Anyway, my DD has just been accosted in the street by this girls dad, saying that she has hit his daughter as she has a red mark on her arm. I have tried to get the bottom of it, and from what my DD tells me, the other girl was trying to push DD over, DD nearly fell, and had to push this girl to get her off her.

Now i know that i was not there, and neither was this girls dad, so it is very much one word against the other. He did tell my DD that he would be coming round later to speak to me, though tbh, i would have preferred him to speak to me in the first place! I cant go and knock for him as i am not sure which house they live at.

What is the best option here please? My DD never plays out - hence i like her to walk to the corner shop, as it is the only time she sets out the house on her own (trying to build up her confidence). I have told her that if she is to go to the shop again, she has to walk the other way up the street, which is actually longer, but know she would be happier with that.

I dont really want to get into an argument with this bloke, as actually on introductory tenency and he could make life very difficult for me. But, i do feel that something needs to be sorted. At the same time, i dont want to go into my DD's emotional issues as tbh that is none of his business.

Any advice?

[jetcat32]

oops, sorry, forgot to add title!

[bubblagirl]

i think some small honesty may be needed if not whole truth first very sorry for dd being treated like this
i would say yourself dd has some social anxieties and this is picked on by several people and you have witnessed his daughter making cruel remarks to your dd
say your very sorry if dd did so this but as neither was there its hard to say what has happened but if your dd was still calling her names its possible they have just argued with one another
maybe ask for him to talk to his dd about her attitude to your dd but obviously say you are blaming no one but as he must no having a teenage daughter is not easy and they do tend to get into silly arguments etc
but to be honest she probably has learnt this behaviour from her parents possibly so wouldnt be understanding of your dd needs anyway

unless this girl is on her own alot could you possibly invite her round to help dd socialise maybe if its in her own house she may be more in her comfort zone
see if you can form a friendship out of this with other family

im sorry im so not good at giving advise today and this other girl sounds mean but maybe she is lonely also if they cant be friends then fair enough you tried

[jetcat32]

thanks bubble - thats great advise. Should have made it clearer - it was the other girl calling my DD names. My DD cant get her words out quick enough to call anyone names!

This other girl is a lot younger than mine, looks about 7 or 8 - DD said that the dad had really had a go at her about being 12 and picking on someone younger. She seems to be always out playing, usually with whoever else it out. From what i have seen of her, i am not sure i would want her in my house anyway (does that make me sound awful?)

[bubblagirl]

thats what i meant the other girl not your dd but if the other girl is only 7-8 you need to tell your dd to cross the road or ignore her

otherwise unfortunately to fight back will cause your dd to get a name as a bully regardless of what the other girl is doing she is younger and there fore her parents will probably excuse her behaviour

i guess all you can do if dad does come round is apologise but again state your unsure your dd did do this its unusual behavior for her etc and guess you cant really compare his dd behaviour as she is so young

you'll just have to tell your dd to ignore and keep walking and avoid her if possible she doesn't sound very nice at all

does your dd have any friends you could invite for play dates just to help her slightly my ds has ASD interacts really well within the home but not out