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So has anyone got a child with Insecure Attachment Disorder/Seperation Anxiety Disorder

(18 Posts)
brandy77 Sun 24-May-09 22:19:10

Would be lovely to hear from anyone if their child has been diagnosed or told they have an insecure attachment

brandy77 Sun 24-May-09 23:35:11

no one sad

bullet123 Mon 25-May-09 00:09:54

Nowt official, but my Ds2 is re-going through a very clingy phase with me at the moment. He went through the typical baby/young toddler phase at about the typical age, then although he has always been more attached to me, was ok to be with his dad or his grandad. However, within the last few weeks he has started getting very upset if I leave him anywhere away from the house or playgroup, even for a minute. So if we're in the car ready to drive off and I have to go and get something, he cries. If I have to use a public toilet in town, he cries. We go swimming and I'm the only one that can hold him.
I was very very similar to him as a young child. My mum says that besides rarely initiating talking, before I started school at least, I would virtually only talk to her. I can remember someone asking me something and wanting to reply, but being unable to, so don't think my silence was entirely voluntary. When I got more confident with talking to others I would frequently talk through my mum. I don't do that anymore though, I talk through my DH.
Ds1 is the opposite, although he knows who his parents are and is attached to them, he is perfectly happy to be with anyone, he shows no concern at strangers whatsoever.

TotalChaos Mon 25-May-09 09:33:23

bullet - my DS went through a similar phase at 3 as well, sort of a second separation anxiety phase - I reckon partly down to the communication issues. brandy - my boy has only ever been diagnosed with language delay, not any of the attachment issues. is your child's communication etc OK, out of interest? for advice/experience of attachment disorder you may find parents with more experience on the adoption board than on here.

tess1e Mon 25-May-09 11:34:03

My 9 yr old had severe anxiety when I left him as a wee one and whenever I put him down when he was a baby he just screamed and didn't stop. It was incredibly stressful and I gave up on nusery after days of serious screaming, the likes of which the nursery said they had never seen before.

Once he started school (which was also majorly stressful) the teachers told me there was something different about him, obviously I was completely devastated but we went through specialists etc and found he has aspergers. He is now a lovely little boy who does sleepovers and normal boy things and yes he is a little different in behaviour but is in general great. Once you understand what the problem is you can deal with what is necessary to help you both.

If you are concerned about something maybe talk to your doctor about it?

Valkyria1971 Mon 25-May-09 12:05:07

Hi Brandy77, hope you get lots of advice and support.

fatzak Mon 25-May-09 17:57:56

Will watch this with interest as DH's half brother (stay with me!!!) who is 10 is currently seeing CAMHS re seperation anxiety. He also has a food phobia. He also goes to the school where I teach so I see it from both sides!

How old is your DS/DD Brandy?

Kimi Mon 25-May-09 18:45:39

Bump

ByTheSea Tue 26-May-09 12:20:31

I have two (step)sons with attachment disorders - one has an anxious avoidant attachment and the other has RAD - a disorganised attachment. Life with them has been very tough and it has been difficult to find expertise and understanding professionals. What do you want to know?

brandy77 Sun 31-May-09 15:03:36

Sorry for late reply, my son is 4.5 and we have a 2nd assessment with CAMHS Tier 3 on June 8th(apparently this is for kids with severe troubles), he can be very aggressive for no apparent reason, shadows me around the house, will not sleep alone, has to be "guarded" 24/7 either by an adult or a pet as hes petrified of being alone. His extreme outbursts are awful, screaming,punching,kicking,scratching etc.

I personally think he may have aspergers but thats only because he doesnt like new places and freaks out and he seems to waffle on in peoples faces about something that he wants to talk about and doesnt appear to notice that the listener is bored and just wants him to shut up. He hears things (i cant hear) at night time and panics, some days not all days he asks me what every single noises is eg: neighbour shutting lid on bin, son will say quite panicked "whats that, whats that noise, help me, what is it" BUT this isnt daily.

BytheSea, the clinical nurse said attachment disorder because my son has been in/out hospital since 5months old having various investigations/tests and she thinks the attachment went awry somewhere but then why would he want me so much if he wasnt attached, i just dont understand it really. ive googled it so much and adhd/aspergers/attachment disorder all seem to similar. I dont want my son labelled, other than for the reason that i want him supported in school. I work in a secondary school as a TA and so many of my colleagues, from the counsellor to the family liason officer are telling me i must get him statemented.

BytheSea, any info at all if your stepsons have this problem (if my son does it) about controlling the outbursts would be extremely helpful. Thankyou to everyone that has replied smile

brandy77 Sun 31-May-09 15:27:31

By the Sea, how did the boys gets diagnosed?

thecloudhopper Sun 31-May-09 19:37:17

I work with a child with attachment disorder. His main carer (his dad) left at the age of 2 and a half and because of mums PNT he never developed a close bond with her and she would shut him out. This child is now 5 and is a lovly little boy with a great personality when he wants to , however his behaviour is irratic, often screams at teacher will often say No I hate you .. ect He want's Mums attention all the time and doesn't like to sleep in his own bed.

All that being said I love my job and he has come on so much from droping to the floor kicking and screaming to now he will go and sit on a quiet chair ect.

I would be very interested in other's experences as I am very much out on my own with regards to other support staff around me have never dealt with attachment dissorder.

brandy77 Sun 31-May-09 19:58:18

hi there cloudhopper, so is the little boy statemented or you support him through the school budget? I have so many people telling me to start the statementing process, i spose this is something that i will have to bring up at the CAMHS assessment next monday which i am dreading as i know he will scream and fight me all the way through it like at the last onesad

Had a pretty good day today though, he didnt tell me he wanted to kill me and held himself back on quite a few occasions from punching me, although my teenage son did get hit a lot today. when i read back what im writing it makes my sound son evil, but he does have his lovely moments but they are few and far between really

brandy77 Sun 31-May-09 19:58:19

hi there cloudhopper, so is the little boy statemented or you support him through the school budget? I have so many people telling me to start the statementing process, i spose this is something that i will have to bring up at the CAMHS assessment next monday which i am dreading as i know he will scream and fight me all the way through it like at the last onesad

Had a pretty good day today though, he didnt tell me he wanted to kill me and held himself back on quite a few occasions from punching me, although my teenage son did get hit a lot today. when i read back what im writing it makes my sound son evil, but he does have his lovely moments but they are few and far between really

thecloudhopper Sun 31-May-09 20:20:57

No he is not statemented but in wales we have a different system and is very rare to get statement.

Brandy that sounds vers similour to the child I am with he is lovly and I do re iterate that fact becuse some people don't see the the great little boy I do. It is quite wairing though isn't it?

Does your child just flip for what seems to be no reason?

How is his eye contact?

brandy77 Sun 31-May-09 22:38:53

yes he can flip for no reason,ive always put it down to his hormone problems (that he takes tabs for), ive always done as hes asked me to on my understanding that he just didnt feel well.Hes been extremely demanding since a newborn really. now ive seen the nurse and shes pointed out his controlling behaviour, im looking at it totally differently and putting the hormone deficiency aside and accepting that it is behavioural. I think hes been a hell of a lot worse since the nurses assessment and ive now started putting my foot down and he doesnt like it.

He can flip out when he doesnt get his way, and i mean majorly lose it or when he goes to party or a building hes never been to before (ok in open spaces), he wont allow me to talk to anyone and if i do he hits me until i stop talking which is extremely isolating, or just for no apparent reason which il explain now.

Been to my mum and dads mobile home at the seaside for half term, been there loads of time and Liam loves it, but he was awful from the minute we got there. Ive had this for 3months now (since the severe seperation anxiety started) and its quite stressful. He wouldnt sleep till 1am and kept crying,screaming that he was scared for the first 2 nights, and enevitably(sp) hitting out at me. on our 3rd night i was so exhausted that i thought right il go back to how i was and just give into his demanding behaviour, i was on tenderhooks all evening waiting for him to flip and he was fine. i was thinking that when my eldest came back at 11 that it would be peaceful for him and no screaming. At 10.45pm my son just turned to me and gave me "the look", stood up and raised his fists and said im gona kill you sad. He doesnt mean it im sure but if he was 10 years older id be petrified. Im sorry im waffling now because its good to get it off my chest, so i thankyou. He had changed just like that, from sitting watching t.v to starting on me. By the time my eldest came in Liam was hitting me and i was just getting him on my lap to hold his hands to stop him. The dog even went for him (just a warning snap) because he had obviously had enough. This continued till 1am, my eldest got attacked and hit back and my youngest was distraught at this even though he had been doing all the attacking. I gave up in the end and went to bed with him and he eventually fell asleep and then the day starts again, when you are waiting for it happen again

god ive really gone on now, i just find it so frustrating

thecloudhopper Mon 01-Jun-09 17:51:51

I know how frustating it is and I agree put your foot down so he knows no means no as this will help him understand that it doesnt matter how much he kicks and screams he will not change your mind.

Also talking a lot on emotions and how when you feel cross you could go and sit in a calm place or get a peice of paper and crayon to scribble with that sometimes helps my 1-1.

I would also walk away when he is physical towards you, erm I duno what elso to suggest .

I also do a smile chart with my 1-1 and I draw a happy face for something good and a sad face for something not so good. (I then write underneath it what it was for) From this he reieves a treat if he gets 3 but gets a punishment like no bikes at play time ect. From this Im again talk bout the good and the bad.
I hope that helps

georgipooh Tue 25-Aug-09 07:53:35

can anyone give me any good websites that explain things clearly! i have 2 stepsons - the oldest has probs but not obvious ones! everyone thinks i am nasty to him and they don't seem to see the things he does except one! i have lost all my friends through him and am at th end of my tether!

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