Argh AIBU to want to write a letter to give out to parents at school about DS in the hope they will be compassionate and understanding?? [sad]

[SammyK]

It was DS' first day back at school this morning after easter, and as usual he was anxious and upset about going.

Also as usual I had two parents in his face loudly talking to him while he is crying. In the cloakroom one said hello to him (amongst the ASD nightmare if the cloakroom noise and chaos), and when he ran back to his quiet retreat in there that I had just coaxed him out of said loudly and sarcasticaly "oh sorry was I talking?".

Why do they not understand you would think they would hve caught on after a year.

Do you think it's a bad idea to send a letter out explaining his difficulties??

[SammyK]

I know I just thought, it may bite me in the bum when he is older too as the nasty mums children will overhear their parents talking about DS and may say things to DS that would upset him.

I am becoming quite worried about school with regards to DS. There are soo many posts in the archives about aspergers and school troubles, home ed, and special schools, makes me worry for him.

[littlesilversnowbeetle]

I feel a bit like this sometimes, I hate the mornings when I have to go and leave ds1 under a table or flapping/squeaking in a corner because I haven't managed to calm him down enough to get him sat on the carpet before I have to leave

but I'm not sure a letter would help, much as I understand the impulse to write one. Some people really aren't very compassionate and just won't change no matter what is said to them - they like being spiteful and their ignorance is too ingrained to be shifted with mere reason. One or two of the parents of ds1's classmates treat him like a contagious leper - I'm less upset by it than I used to be, and majority are lovely - but if I wanted to change the mindset of that one or two, I would need a crowbar and a transplant surgeon, not a well-worded letter. Imagine how you would feel knowing that they were passing your letter around and sniggering.

You know your ds is lovely and his sensitivities are as they are - he can't help them. I actually quite like Aspergers, it's part of who ds1 is, and is responsible for some of his most charming and adorable characteristics. Try not to be too bruised by the pig ignorance of a minority of people.

[SammyK]

Thankyou so much littlesilversnowbeetle you are right it will do no good with the people I want to change. I cant change them and will try my best to ignore them and their pathetic comments.

I too wouldn't part with his aspergers it is part of who he is and hopefully people like this will be a minority feature in his life.

[Juxal]

What horrible and intolerant and stupid people. It mush be ghastly for you both. It's like the bullies really isn't it? They exist, and you have to learn to deal with them. Much sympathy.

I do think a letter will bite you on the bum, sad to say.

[Aefondkiss]

sammy the sarcasm was very unnecessary! It does sound like the person has not got the slightest clue about your ds....I wouldn't write a letter... but I might try and say hello instead of my ds - just acknowledge the person - then they might make idle chat (or feel bad about being sarcastic about a child )... and then you might have an opportunity to eventually share stuff about your ds... the thing is, I want people to talk to my ds - so I would be willing to try, but there are always going to be people who are very judgemental - in a way you just can't win on this one.

could your ds arrive a little later/earlier to avoid some of the noise/stress at the start of the day?

[Aefondkiss]

I totally understand your worry about school - it would be good to hear some positive stories, just to know school can work for children with sn!

[BlueCowWondersAgain]

I don't want to do the wrong thing, but this has got me thinking.

When I see a mum and her ds (who has aspergers) who is in my ds's class, I always say 'hello mum, hello ds'. I've always done the same for this family as I would for any family I know - but now I'm worried - does it cause any problems for the boy with Aspergers? I certainly don't expect an answer from him, but it feels rude to ignore his presence. Sometimes he does look up sometimes, sometimes ignore me. But would it be better not to address him at all?

Sorry, this has gone a bit off-topic from OP and I don't want to upset anyone.

[eidsvold]

We went through this dilemma with dd1 ( although she has down syndrome) - She is in mainstream full time and I was going to write a letter about dd1 and I stopped myself and thought would I do it for dd2 or 3 and would I be causing more hassle by singling her out and making it an issue.

Instead I got some fact sheets from our local association and got those handed out - one was just facts about down syndrome and the other one was talking to young children about down syndrome. That way they felt somewhat empowered to talk with their children and I felt I had some control over the information they were imparting without making it all about my dd1. Would that be another option?

[Aefondkiss]

that is a good idea eidsvold, I might look into something like this for the school my dc attend.

bluecow, it wasn't that the person spoke to the op's ds (I don't think) it was the sarcastic comment that followed the "hello" because the op's ds didn't respond. Imho, it is always good to talk to my ds, just don't expect a response, he doesn't do social niceties, I do sometimes ask him to say hello, and he wil,l but only if prompted.

[SammyK]

Bluecow - In the case of my DS he cries or goes 'aargh' (in a terrfied voice), runs away, or says 'stop talking to me'. He is anxious and overloaded in a morning at school and wants to retreat into himself, having a person in his space talking loudly and cheerfully while he is crying or hiding in a corner to get away from the noise does not help! Sometimes he enjoys talking to adults (usually about an obsession of his), but it is on his terms on a good day).

The information leaflet sounds great, I wonder if National Autistic Society does anything similar? Will have a look online tonight.

Went to pick DS up and he had had a nice morning, it's just anxiety first thing and sensory overload. May ask about letting him earlier.

[SammyK]

I was irritated at them talking to him but only because he was obviously upsert anyway and often is in a mornign so you would have thought they have caught on by now. The sarcastic comment was completely horrid and out of line though seen as it was aimed at a four year old

Oh well DS home now and we are going to do some baking.

[Aefondkiss]

I am glad he had a good day Sammy, enjoy the baking, it is horrible re the comment, it might be worth talking to the school about it, in a general way - I will look into leaflets too! Let me know if you find anything good.