Special School/ Resourced Unit or Mainstream for Aspergers boy who has been in a lot of trouble....

[oliandjoesmum]

Hi, yet again I am visiting here in a time of crisis to ask all you experienced ladies out there for some help! I have posted in the past about my son who has faced significant challenges in his little 8 years. It is a long long tale so here are some threads to give background.www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=special_needs&threadid=291630-please-help-can-t-cope-with-behavioural-i ssues-with-ds#5840730 www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=special_needs&threadid=666697-Help-Son-39-s-Behaviour-getting-worse-als o-suicidal-feel#13556793 He was finally diagnosed with Aspergers at the beginning of March. To summarise educational position now, he is in a mainstream school that he says he enjoys, but his violent and disruptive behaviour there suggests otherwise. I know he is showing all the signs of not coping with sensory overload, but I can't get my head around him not going to the nice middle class villagey school which all his friends since babyhood attend. As you can see from the links above I have had a lot of problems with parents not wanting him there, and I am never 100% confident that the head wants this challenge in her school. We received a call about his statement application yesterday from the member of the team who looks at the cases for children with ASD. She told me it is at level 5, and given the complex and significant difficulties he is experiencing she will be recommending a specialist school, or a resourced provision. Getting this statement has been no problem, in fact the LEA have been completely supportive. It is at Level 5, I do not know what this means. This has upset me so much, and I have to say rightly or wrongly this is the bit of the journey with my totally special and amazing boy that I have been dreading. He has already changed schools twice, how do I tell him again? All his friends are at the current school, he is going to be devastated. But I know the current Head is struggling. She has told statementing team that she doesn't see how she can cope with Joseph even with the 1-1 full time support he will recive. She also says (and I know this is true) that he is no longer meeting the curriculum or his potential. Academically he is bright, got all level 3's at ks1, I know he is no longer achieving at this level. What I really need is some advice as to what I should do next. There are a couple of resourced units locally, but without sounding like a snob they are at horrible schools in really rough areas. There is a school just for ASD children, but again, no idea what that means. I know I need to visit these schools, but I would really appreciate any advice on what they can offer that mainstream can't. I know have the right to request he stays at current school with the extra funding but will it ever work? They don't want him there, and I am sick of him always being blamed, always doing the naughty things the other children persuade him to do. I am fed up of the playground gossiping and the constant battle. But on the other hand I know he will be devastated to leave. I can walk to and from school, I am feeling physically sick of the thought of him going to school in a taxi without me. God, we haven't even told him he has aspergers, how do we deal with this next challenge, how?? I just feel so sad and confused, any advice or positive stories would be very very much appreciated.

[Macforme]

((HUGS)))
I don't know your story very well because I'm new here, but I'm both a Mum to a child with autism and also I work in a specialist school (which my son attends) and I can only say that from my own experience specialist ASD provision is probably going to make Joseph's life as well as those around him, a lot happier.

It sounds as though his mainstream school have been pretty supportive, but if they rally can't see themselves coping much longer then it is time to move. Also as Joseph sounds very bright, he needs a school which can support his education not just cope with his behavioural challenges.

Go and look at ALL the options available to you. Also..don't stop there.. the LEA are unlikely to have told you all that is available. I'd have a look at the NAS site for lists of schools, or get a Gabbitas guide from the library.. there is quite a bit of provision out there for able Aspies/HFA children..but often it's out of county and not mentioned. Worth doing some leg work and looking around.

My friend's son has recently left mainstream after 3 primary schools that simply couldn't cope..he's now at a specialist ASD school and is THRIVING. Yes there were some flare ups initially..leaving friends etc, and moving into a set up where he wasn't the focus of everyone's attention was very peculiar for him at first..but now he is settled and his coping abilities are just blossoming

My own son is in special school..and he is so happy. he is working at his pace, in a classroom enviroment which is calm and structured and there is nothing to frighten him ..everything is done with visual timetables, the strictest of routine.. it's fab.
In my class we have 7 non verbal severely autistic teens with incredibly challenging behaviour..yet because of the ethos and structure (TEACCH approach) the behaviour is minimised and the kids have a chance to debelop their coping skills.
I think what I'm trying to say is that although the leap from mainstream is scary and huge, it's not 'failure' and it's definitely not second best.. it's finding a way to meet Joseph's needs so that he can thrive and learn

My friend said the best bit is her son is no longer the bad guy of the class (he's 10 btw) he doesn't need to be anymore...

hang in there.. look at the options and don't be afraid to fight for what YOY feel is best, whether that's staying at his current school, or moving on..

Jules

[amber32002]

This is never an easy decision. One thing that might help:

We hate change, but we're often much better at swapping one set of people for another set than people realise. It's the unexpected changes we hate the most, rather than thinking "Oh no, I'll never see Fred again" and that meaning we have some special attachment to Fred. I struggle to explain this to people, but all people feel the same to me, really. . Not always the case with all ASD people, but true for many of us. I honestly am often as pleased to see vague acquaintances as I am to see long-term friends, because my brain just can't process enough info about people to make it feel any different. I have to work out friendships using calculations and observations and intellect, not from any sense of how it 'feels'. (I so hate explaining it - it makes me sound like some sort of emotionless robot but that's not exactly how it is. It's just that everyone is by default a 'friend' to my brain, and I have to struggle to remind myself that often they're not . I can tell you who my long-term friends are that I see often, yes. That can fool people into thinking I must see friendships the same way they do )

He'll find new friends in his new school. The disruption will be hard, yes, but if there's a specialist place and it feels right for him, I think it's got to be worth a try?

[HelensMelons]

Hi Oliandjoesmum

Couldn't not post on your thread - agree with macforme and amber.

My DS2 is also 8 and has a dx of hfa which we got in Feb 07. He is going to be assessed for adhd - prob sometime in May this year.

He attends a communication unit attached to a small local primary school. The school is located within an estate and he travel to and from by taxi.

Although the school is located within an estate the Head operates a fantastic approach to inclusion, equality - you name it, we live in Northern Ireland and he does not tolerate any form of exclusion or bigotry. He is brilliant.

The children in my son's unit are from all over the Trust's area so backgrounds are as diverse as their difficulties.

There are only 7 or 8 other pupils in his class, they also follow the TEACHH programme. One teacher, one Classroom Assistant per class. DS2 has individual s&l therapy during class as well as group s&l therapy.

He only only started this primary school in September 08 (P4 - P7); his last specialist unit only did until he was 7. He has settled in brilliantly. I was really worried about the change and disruption but it really has gone very well and he loves school. He, as would many of his classmates, displays challenging behaviour at times.

The taxi is a necessity - we have 2 other dc's who attend our local PS. Yes, I cry every year when he first goes off on his first day back after the summer but after that it is ok. He doesn't travel on his own there are other kids in it and they all chat away to each other. He also gets to know his driver so they develop some sort of a rapport as well. His taxi driver last year gave him £5 at christmas - that made me cry as well! Another gave each of the kids a packet of sweets if they behaved at the end of the week! He was only 4(P1) when he first started getting them - so it has definitely got easier!

My DS2 is really thriving at this school, he is safe, the school understand him and his needs, he is working well and doing well in his own words "school is brilliant".

Your DS is bright; he also sounds vulnerable like mine, have a look around the schools, that will really help with your fears.

I feel confident that my son is in the best place.

If you decide to move him the school are geared to help with the disruption for him and if he is really sad about leaving his current school you still have the option of keeping friendships going for continunity if you can.

This has turned into an essay, sorry, but hope it helps x

[flyingmum]

What part of the country are you in? Have a couple of good suggestions for you in South of England if it helps.

Go for special school. Life will be soooo much easier for you and him. it's a lot to get your head round but you don' want him to 'cope' which is, at best, all he will do. You want him to succeed and achieve.

Lots of hugs. It is yuck but it does get better!

[WedgiesMum]

Go and have a look at all the possible schools for your DS. You will soon see which you feel will be best for him. Don't worry about the catchment area for the school concentrate on what the school feels like and how they are with your son when you visit also see how they are with all their other children, what are the classrooms like the learning style etc. See If it will suit him or not. Schools in the more disadvantaged areas are often brilliant at dealing with SN kids as they have a lot of experience - much more than the 'nicer' schools who tend to have less knowledge as they tend to have had far fewer SN children at their school. IME they think they can cope and fail spectacularly because they seriously underestimate the needs of certain children, don't have adequate or appropriate support in place, then the child behaves in such a stressed way their behaviour deteriorates, is handled badly things escalate and the child can end up getting excluded.

You may guess from the above rant I have experience of this My DS who is nearly 10 with AS got permanently excluded in Nov last year from a 'nice' school in a 'nice' area, we had already removed him from the local 'nice' village school in Y2. Neither school could cope with his behaviour, and regularly escalated his outbursts, and we had lots of playground gossip and nasty attitude from parents at both schools. At the time of his px he was 4 days away from getting his statement and the school (IMO) got rid before the statement made it almost impossible for them to do so.

He is now re-integrating into a school in a very socially deprived area - it does not have a specalist unit but is very experienced with SN/behaviour children. This is the BEST school he has been in. They are fantastic with him and he finally feels like he is welcome at school. They have accomodated him at every turn, never put him into situations where he can't cope, and he is developing friendships without them fearing his outbursts. The school is seen as only satisfactory by ofsted, it's SATs results aren't sparkling BUT they staff care about all the children and work their hardest to make sure each one achieves their individual best. DS is a very high achiever but I would put him in a low achieving school every time now if they were fantastic at the nurture of their children.

[oliandjoesmum]

Thank you all so much for the replies, sorry not to respond earlier, there are 3 little boys in this house so hard to get on! I guess I just wanted to here some success stories, it is hard to envisage moving him, and I have a mental block about it.The statement didn't include the list of possible schools, and as you said I am sure it won't give me all the potential schools anyway, I will look at the NAS website. I am fed up with fighting against all these people who just don't want to help, maybe it is time to start opening my mind to other possibilities.....

[Bigpants1]

HAve been there and got the t-shirt, so really do empathise. My son has Aspergers and ADHD. He is 13yrs, and his behaviour is extremely challenging-he is both verbally and physically aggressive at home and school. He is also very academically bright, which is why some mainstream schools struggle with dc like ours-they see the academic ability,and therefore cannot see/understand the other,(great difficulties), the dc have-social,emotional,communication.As you can see,we have also had problems-hence my rant!
My sons last yr at primary school, was a disaster,(he was 11,Feb. birth, and we are in Scotland, and here they dont go to secondary school till 12).He had formal exclusions and informal exclusions,and cos we live near the school, we would get phoned nearly every day-to take him home, and bring him back after lunch etc. In the April, we had had enough, and so had our son-his behaviour was esculating, cos he just could not cope and he was very stressed as he did not want to go to the huge,(but good for NT dc), mainstream secondary school. We pulled him out the school, and until the June, we were given a home-tutor a few hrs/week by the education dept.
He now attends Spark of Genius an independant secondary school.(they do now have a primary unit). It is paid for,(relucantly), by the Educ. Dept. and they also provide transport-taxi. It is the same driver all the time, there is an escort, and there are other dc in the taxi also.
He has gone from hating school, to enjoying it. There are very small class sizes, with high ratio of staff to pupils. They follow the academic curriculm,but, there is also much opportunity for social skill developing, and trips out. There is also a point system for reaching targets,and the dc can choose what to buy with their reward money. Our son responds well to this, as it is visual. Each dc has an individual IEP, and when our son displays challenging behaviour,the school support him through it, and only phone to say whats happened, not to moan/critise/ask us to take him home.
We decided long ago, that as long as our son is happy, it does not matter if he doesnt get a bunch of qualifications-he can always go to college later in his life if he wants. And like a previous poster, we would always choose a low achieving school over great Ofsted reports, if they were excellent at nurturing the dc. This is what our dc need-nuturing. Until,(and not likely), the educatoin system puts the emotional well-being of all dc first, and then their educational potential, dc such as ours, will always struggle to fit in, and reach their full potential.
We are now in another phase with our ds. His behaviour has esculated to such a degree, it is impacting greatly on his siblings and us-actually has done for years,but is getting worse. We have, relucantly, been considering residential placements, though havent actually looked at any yet. But, at a recent NAS training course, the lovely facilitator, explained, that many autistic dc need specialised placements, and not to feel guilty. We want our ds to thrive, and he is not at present. The school have not given up on him, and are very supportive, but it is not a specialist ASD school-there is a mixture of dc-ADHD, ASD,(a few), and some dc who cannot cope with mainstream schooling.
So, that is where we are at. This is a very long post, but just wanted to share our story with you, and to say, never ever feel guilty for doing what your ds needs-he will benefit in the long run. You have tried mainstream, and I think your ds is asking/shouting with all this behaviour, for something else. Know what, nice, isnt always best, but seeing your ds happy is. Good Luck.

[oliandjoesmum]

Right, new questions! Have got my head around the idea of resourced provision, in fact looked at an ofsted on a locla one, and spoken to the Head, and am feeling more positive. They said however that they do not have a place (currently only have funding for 7 children in the unit), although with extra funding they would consider taking Joseph. Does his statement fundig (approx £17/anum) count as that funding? I don't understand how it works. Secondly, they hae asked to see all the background info, now a bit nervous that they would not want to take him when they see the stuff about aggression. These incidents have all been linked to his aspergers, and are all a result of his stress and anxiety in a ms environment. Can they say no, that he might impact other children's education, or should they be more understanding? Do the LEA have the final say? Am completely jumping ahead of myself and panicking, I haven't even seen the school yet! But I am worrying and obsessing, and would be really interested to here other people's experiences....