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Asperger's Child 'Not Listening'....according to the teacher

(23 Posts)
TheRealMrsF Thu 21-Apr-05 21:35:43

Posting this on ED incase any teachers can help....

Again...moaned to teacher via homework book that Leigh (AS age 8) has too much homework..............and cannot remember what is set. Tom age 11 has his set via a typed up worksheet every monday.....leigh has to remember his.

last night for example he was asked to catch upon missed homework from the past week...as well as do his usual homwork.....and the best bit is .....she insists on vebally setting homework.
I have expalined myself how he is a 'visual learner' and needs 'vesual prompts' etc....and 3 months ago (after I requested they do it) they asked the Outreach team to come into school to observe and offer advice/insight.

And as yet....no they have not come to school.

So..... back to last night,.....
1)write out 8 spellings
2)select 2 of them and write a sentance.
(that's the 'every night' homework
now his 'arrears'
3)Draw an Electric Circuit (from tuesday)
4)Write a Report on Animals with illustrations (from Friday last week)

Now.....he gets home at 3.30 and has melatonin at 7 so can be in bed by 7.45 ....he will then wake up naturally at 7 the next day.

so....4 hours to relax,have tea and do homework.

Now the schools attitude is that he ought to do homework as soon as he gets in from school....that sucks as thats usually when there is pandamonium as i 'unravel' his stresses of the day.
That said...I always ask him if he has homework- and what it is...that usually starts another shouting fit as he simply cannot remember.

so i have to 'trigger' his memory by talking about what he did today...as that is usually what the homework is based on...and sometimes we 'get there' and i then leave him to unwind before getting him to do it after tea.

Usually however..... he cannot remember.

He will ofetn 'suddenly' remember at 7 or 7.30....(as i believe he has fully relaxed)...and then insists he does it...no ammount of persuasion will make him 'leave it till tomorrow'....so for that reason i really don't think he 'deliberately forgets '...as an avoidance tactic.

So.......... io wrote a note...and the teacher replied (amongst other nuggets of similar drivvel....)

".....homework was set on friday......and i was quite clear about this -but Leigh may not have been listening ....then i remind the children as they line up to go home ...2

Now can U advise me of how i can tactfully 'educate' her that AS kids may appear to be listening....but may infact be 'thinking their own thoughts' and that she MUST use his name to specifically link him to what she is saying....as even at home if i call the boys to the table...i have to call each one separately...as enmass you can bet 1 won't respond.

Also...i suggested theyu get him to write a 'Trigger' word to remind him at home what he has to do...and they have thankfully agreed this is a good idea..... but can i build on it????

The school has no AS experience prior to my boys joining...so i respect they may not be alert to what strategies they need to use.....

I want to take some brief (not like my posts!!!) info in ...along the lines of..."this is to help you whilst you are waiting for the Outreach Team to visit'....and follow with "this works for me at home...so wondered if you can try it"

So have any of you got any favourite 'strategies' websites????

misdee Thu 21-Apr-05 21:49:40

if he has a homework book, why isnt the homework being written down? i cant remember things from 5mins ago

onlyjoking9329 Thu 21-Apr-05 21:53:02

the trigger words sound like a good idea or maybe one of those little dictaphones for either him or teacher to say what the homework is, if i asked my son what his homework was he wouldnt be able to tell me unless i had a trigger word, i think its extremely hard for our kids as there are so many other things going on in the class they often tune out, can't blame them really, sorry i can't really help you much

Jayzmummy Thu 21-Apr-05 21:57:42

What about a home /school diary Mrs F....then teacher can write homework in there as a backup should ds not be "listening"...If ds has IEP this can be written into the IEP as an educational need.
Have you given teacher a copy of the Claire sainsbury book...Alien in the Playground? Think she would find it a useful resource.

TheRealMrsF Thu 21-Apr-05 22:19:00

this is where i am really pissed off....the teacher reckons that at age 8/9 they need to take responsibility etc for their own work....and she flatly refuses to write ANYTHING down..... somwhere i have a copy of a letter she wrote stating that at age 8/9 they should be able to remember.

I am so peed off generally ....and this homework stuff is just so unneeded.

I am seriously thinking of home/ED for leigh as i cannot keep this up much longer.

coppertop Thu 21-Apr-05 22:20:18

Wouldn't it save the teacher (and you!) a lot of effort if she just wrote down the homework in his homework book??? There is no way that ds1 would be able to tell me/remember what homework he had to do each day. His answer to most questions about school is usually "I don't know" or "I can't remember".

It also seems like a lot of homework for an 8yr-old IMHO.

What about asking the school to e-mail you with a list of the homework he needs to do?

TheRealMrsF Thu 21-Apr-05 22:20:53

p.s she's the same teacher that said he'd get blood poisoning if he picked his warts...in front the whole class...which lead to the majority refusing to touch/sit near him etc...as they said he was disgusting...

coppertop Thu 21-Apr-05 22:21:38

Ooh! We were typing at the same time, MrsF.

coppertop Thu 21-Apr-05 22:22:58

She sounds like a nightmare!

pixiefish Thu 21-Apr-05 22:24:35

mrsf- in response to the teachers comment that he's old enoug to enter his own homework i beg to differ with her. ii'm a secondary teacher and i still check that some kids have entered homework in diary- takes 30 seconds

TheRealMrsF Thu 21-Apr-05 22:31:29

Hi CT!!!

Thanks pixie...i am always feeling guilty that i am 'S-Mothering' him...cos she keeps making out how responsible kids in her class are.

It's good to know that at secondary YOU are doing what i believe needs to be done.

My eldest is off to seconadry this year!!!Yikes!!! he has AS too!

pixiefish Thu 21-Apr-05 22:34:20

He may well get on better there- bigger school with more resources. our senco is fab and really condenses info onto idiot proof a4 sheets. we have loads to read so it helps that it's in bullet points

TheRealMrsF Thu 21-Apr-05 22:40:15

yes. my friend is a TA at that school and she knows TOM well....she says she thinks he'll be 'on the statementing route' as soon as they do the baseline/entry stuff.

leigh however...i just don't know what to do ....Ed Psych/outreach etc are only called in if the school request...so if the school say they are managing ...then that is that. So i start the statementing off for him...and then the LEA will say to the school "well,have you done all you can?"....and then they will say "NO...we'll try this'n'that"...then before you know it its the summer holidays...and we start off again with a new teacher in sept......

I am so tempted to opt out of the LEA for my 8 yr old....but feel i'd want to 'opt in' once i get his true needs recognised! (don't think they let you chop and change!)

Nome Thu 21-Apr-05 22:54:18

When I was secondary teaching I had to write the H/W some children's diaries - even copying what was written from the board was not possible for some in the class and this was in year 10/11. I had a boy with Asperger's in one class for GCSE and I had to write his H/W down for him as he could read what he'd written in his diary - all his other written work was wordprocessed. Your ds' teacher could do it if she wanted - maybe she needs to take his h/w diary at the beginning of the lesson so she can do in peace during the course of the lesson and not in a rush at the end.

TheRealMrsF Thu 21-Apr-05 23:09:34

..........this is when i regret not training to be a teacher....what you said is true- she could if she wanted...

pixiefish Thu 21-Apr-05 23:11:10

I don't know why they're not doing more. If he was on a statement they'd get extra funding for him to help him (and it would take some of the pressure off his teacher if there was extra help for him). Think his school are doing him an injustice tbh.

jmb1964 Fri 22-Apr-05 00:00:33

Sounds mad to me - our NT dd1 is 8 and still gets her homework on a photocopied sheet each week (10 spellings, sentences, 1 maths sheet and some sort of project work each week, with 6 days to get it in) and would never remember what she had to do without the sheet. As for ds 1 (7, AS) it would NEVER work!
I wonder how the rest of the children in Leigh's class cope? Could you try and talk to some of the other parents and find out? (at the risk of discovering all their children have no difficulty with it..) If they have problems too you would have a stronger case for requesting written instructions.
Good luck!

KarenThirl Fri 22-Apr-05 07:48:14

You could use the 'blind child' analogy. If she had a blind child in her class, would she insist that they received written instructions? Your son has a disability and his needs have to be met. He simply can't function in the way that the rest of his class can, so she has to make allowances for that. I agree that 'most' 8 year olds should be able to take the responsibility of verbal instructions but your ds isn't 'most' kids. He has special needs for which he needs written instruction, and his class teacher is failing him if she doesn't provide it. How about a word with your SENCO to point the teacher gently in this direction?

maryz Fri 22-Apr-05 12:08:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maryz Fri 22-Apr-05 12:11:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moomin Fri 22-Apr-05 12:14:25

I teach at secondary school and ALL kids have to write their HW in their planners, and all teacher, where possible have to ensure it's clearly written on the board so they can copy it. It's a nonsense to say that 8 and 9 y olds should be responsible enough to remember their own schdeules as far as HW goes. If that's tha case then I shouldn't have to write any lesson plans because I'm 36!

BTW if a child isn't able to or struggles writing their HW down the classroom asst or the teacher writes it for them. As a teacher, you just build this into your time with the class.

Tiggiwinkle Fri 22-Apr-05 12:17:07

I think you DSs teacher is being extremely unreasonable in her expectations MrsF. It would be a lot to ask of an NT child of his age (at my DSs school they do not even get homework until year 6, in preparation for secondary!)
Could you not ask the SENCO to try and ensure the teacher is more sympathetic to his needs?

pixel Fri 22-Apr-05 13:30:36

My dd is 9 and has a 'homework diary' to write things down in. In addition to that the week's homework is put on a board in the classroom window (It is a hut on stilts in the playground)so that the parents can have a look while they are waiting at hometime. I find that a great help as dd often forgets her homework diary!

Sadly it sounds to me as if your teacher has got a bee in her bonnet about kids remembering for themselves and would be too stubborn to try this. Just wondered if it was worth seeing what any of the other parents think? It's not just sn children who have problems like this and if several parents suggested it the school might take notice.

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