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Down Syndrome man looking for girlfriend

(53 Posts)
MannyMoeAndJack Mon 16-Mar-09 12:48:35 ld-lose-virginity.html

I tried to think of a case where a DS man or woman has had child/ren, but couldn't - surely this must have happened; does anybody know if it has?

ChopsTheDuck Mon 16-Mar-09 13:00:59

I think most people with downs syndrome are infertile, particularly men, but I'm certain there have been cases where people with downs have had children.

That article was interesting, though it seems a shame that the mother has to be so involved. Surely it should be something for him to be looking into without his mother involved or considering paying for it?! If my childs' sn prevented himf rom meeting girls I think I'd be lookign for ways of improving his social life, not travelling to Ansterdam!

MannyMoeAndJack Mon 16-Mar-09 14:32:29

I can remember a case about a young man (early twenties) who used a prostitute to lose his virginity - can't remember whether he was living at home or in a residential place but it all went ahead as planned. Good luck to the young guy in the article - but I hope his mum doesn't get too involved, otherwise it could put girls off!

2shoes Mon 16-Mar-09 16:40:48

what is a crap title(the paper)

MannyMoeAndJack Mon 16-Mar-09 17:06:22

Yes, I agree because the chap clearly says that he is looking for a girlfriend and not just sex (but I'm sure he's hoping for both!!!).

moondog Mon 16-Mar-09 17:20:48

Manny, the DM uses an offensive way of describing this man and so do you.
He's a man with DS, not a DS man.
That's horrid as it suggests he is just a vessel for DS when he isn't.He's a chap with an extra chromosome or two, that's ll.
You might not know this so hoping you will remember from now on. smile

MannyMoeAndJack Mon 16-Mar-09 17:25:27

moondog - I see your point but I've also read on forums that some people actively dislike the term, 'dc with ASD (or DS)', preferring instead the term, 'autistic dc'.

You just can't please everybody all of the time. Somebody, somewhere will always take offence.

sarah293 Mon 16-Mar-09 17:34:57

Message withdrawn

2shoes Mon 16-Mar-09 18:28:42

thanks moondong(mum of a dd with cp)

TotalChaos Mon 16-Mar-09 18:35:54

I think it is more of a grey area with ASD than with other disabilities, when I've looked on forums for adults with Aspergers/Autism people seem to prefer to describe themselves as "autistic" than as having autism.

amber32002 Mon 16-Mar-09 18:44:24

It is a problem for those trying to be politically-correct around those with an ASD, yup. I'm quite happy to say I'm an Aspie, but others hate that phrase. I can cope with being described as autistic (well, it's nearly right) or as an adult with an ASD or as someone on the autism spectrum etc etc. Doesn't bother me, but a 'disabled person' creates an image of a totally non-working person in my mind. Can't help it - it's the way my brain is wired in. So I prefer to say 'person with a disability', but others would say it has to be "disabled person" otherwise it's insulting.

I get totally confused.

anonandlikeit Mon 16-Mar-09 18:47:19

I must confess to not reading the article
I would like to think everyone is entitled to love & companionship & sex if thats what you want grin
I do remember a case of a severely disabled young man (with DMD) seeking out sex from a prostitute.
In his case he was a young man with normal intelligence & limited life expectancy. His mother (if i remember correctly) had mixed views about his decision so a trusted male carer helped him with the logistics.

MannyMoeAndJack Mon 16-Mar-09 18:50:53

Having thought about this a bit more, I see now that some nouns do not readily transform into adjectives, in which case the syntax, 'man with x' (x could be DS, cancer, etc) is used rather than, 'x man'. So, because 'autism' can be converted into 'autistic', the syntax: 'autistic man' can be used (and is often preferred, depending on which forum you choose to read) but terms such as, 'Down syndrome' don't readily transform into adjectives so the syntax, 'man with DS' is preferable to 'DS man' (although the semantics are very similar).

I will continue to use, 'autistic man' but would use, 'man with DS' in future.

Oddly, the term 'neurotypical' is a noun which doesn't transform into an adjective but rather than saying, 'man with NT', it is always, 'NT man'.

cyberseraphim Mon 16-Mar-09 19:04:14

I'm always careful now to say x with Downs because I can see the point once it's explained but it would not shock me in itself that someone would put it the other way round - it would depend on their views on DS. I think a lot of it is just the way that English works as it is a very flexible language. Meanings are not logical - You can talk about a 'Scot' but a 'Brit' sounds pejorative whilst there are no 'Wals' or 'Ires'

amber32002 Mon 16-Mar-09 19:29:34

There's a lot of debate about disability and sex. Mostly from people with a disability who are mightily naffed off that society thinks they should live without sex or relationships. Sometimes from those who think that people with a disability should be prevented from breeding in case they pass it on. Some from people who think those with a lower IQ or a cognitive processing situation like autism are not capable of making rational decisions about it anyway.

But as far as I can see, sex and sexual relationships are almost universally badly done and badlt thought out by just about everyone at some stage in their lives, so why people with disabilities should be singled out, I've no idea.

anonandlikeit Mon 16-Mar-09 19:40:06

Absolutely Amber, most of us have made bad choices in the past, should it mean we should not be allowed to have relationships?
IQ is not a factor in a successful relationship, it just takes 2 people that want to be together..
But maybe i'm just a hopeless romantic?

daisy5678 Mon 16-Mar-09 19:54:13

For me, autistic son sums it up. Everything that J is or does is sadly shaped by his autism. It is pervasive, hence (I guess) the umbrella term pervasive development disorder for all the ASD type dxs.

Perhaps it's different for other disabilities which don't affect every aspect of a person's life. But, sadly, autism seems to define every single thing about J - eating, sleeping, behaviour, learning, physical aspects. It's crap - but true, so I don't object to 'autistic child'.

I do object to Daily Mail articles in general and think their slant on this is - as ever - subtly 'not-nice' and I always hate hate hate the comments below them.

moondog Mon 16-Mar-09 22:12:37

'Autistic son' is grammatically correct.

'Down's Syndrome man' is not. Thus an added implied insult in that peopel using such terms are not adhering to basic rules of grammar.

It's like saying a 'red hair woman'. Just doesn't make sense.

daisy5678 Mon 16-Mar-09 22:19:31

But that's not why you objected to it, Moondog. I'm just putting the other side.

MannyMoeAndJack Mon 16-Mar-09 22:33:22

I guess, 'Down Syndromic man' would make the sentence grammatically correct but I've never heard or seen this phrase actually used. Although I wrote 'Down syndrome man' in the subject title of this post, it would not be a phrase I would actually use in speech - I would say, 'man with DS'. Not quite sure why there is a discrepency between the spoken and written forms but I imagine it's a common error.

moondog Mon 16-Mar-09 22:34:07

No,but it's an additional issue that adds insult to injury and is closely connected to it (ie assumption that ok to use poor grammar because it's 'only' a person with a disability.)

2shoes Mon 16-Mar-09 22:39:17

surely it is about respect.
the person is a person first.
my pet hate is when people say "he/she suffers from cp" as if it a terrible disease.

moondog Mon 16-Mar-09 22:42:07

Yes 2shoes.
I'm v suspicious of all pC things but this is differnet.
Avoiding such terms has a huge effect on the way people view people with LD. I see it every day in my job as a salt in this field.

15 years ago, some people were still talking about 'mongols'

2shoes Mon 16-Mar-09 22:45:01

oh don't!
ds had an incident in science today, they were doing chromosones and some twat made a very rude comment about DS, I was gald to hear he got shouted at by at least six students. so there is hope

MannyMoeAndJack Mon 16-Mar-09 22:45:16

and wouldn't you say, 'red haired woman'? which makes prefect sense.

>>> (ie assumption that ok to use poor grammar because it's 'only' a person with a disability.)'

I'm not sure what you're implying here but I don't agree with your analysis.

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