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Does anyone else get so cross that they cry and then get frustrated at feeling so weak

(12 Posts)
Tclanger Wed 11-Feb-09 13:50:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

feelingbetter Wed 11-Feb-09 14:10:40

Not the same situation, and not much help, I know, but you are not alone!
I've always been an angry cryer. Hardly ever when I'm upset, but when I get angry, I cry. Then I get even more angry coz I'm crying and can't speak properly when I ^need ^ to get my point across, which makes me cry more. And so the cycle continues.

It has gotten much worse since DSs arrival sad.

I hope I find a way to get over it, the last thing I want is the pity vote.

cory Wed 11-Feb-09 14:20:40

Yes, but I am getting better. Getting to the point where I'd rather it's the other person who cries iyswim.

Tclanger Wed 11-Feb-09 14:22:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BriocheDoree Wed 11-Feb-09 14:27:44

Yep, been there. Also tend to lose the ability to speak coherently when angry (let's face it, DD's problems didn't come from nowhere!!).
Am really sadangry for you about M's treatment at school. Friend of mine here in similar situation - DS is 8 and being bullied. He's not got SN, but he's new English kid in French school and can't stick up for himself. She's beside herself with guilt/worry and I'm sure you must be too. Not much to suggest but sending <<<hugs>>>. Personally can't wait for half term hols - DD so tired she's just bursting into tears every time I say "no" to ANYTHING. One of those days when I'm trying to work out how early I can put them both to bed, and all my usual rules about not letting DD and DS watch too much TV are straight out of the window! DD had meltdown on way out of school yesterday (v. unusual) and you could see everyone staring (virtual shudder).

donkeyderby Wed 11-Feb-09 14:31:11

I know how that feels, and how difficult it is to present your case assertively when those around you are labelling you as an over-emotional/angry mess! It is so easy for our children to be labelled as troublesome too.

It is not surprising you react emotionally. He is your child. The drip drip effect of criticism directed at him accumulates and it can be like re-opening a deeper wound each time it happens again. Don't give yourself a hard time for being emotional. You can always be upfront about your emotions around your child and explain why you are upset (or angry) rather than feel that you have somehow lost the argument by bursting into tears. If it is a meeting you need to go to, can you take someone with you? A friend or a professional, but basically someone who will act as an ally and has the skills and confidence and objectivity to step in when you need them too? Chose your moment - can you arrange a proper meeting rather than a snatched conversation and have a plan about what you are going to say and what you want out of the meeting. Make sure someone takes notes.

I once heard that parents with SN children have to be like 'velvet steamrollers'. Calm, charming, civil, but utterly relentless in their pursuit of their goals, because everything is a battle. That doesn't mean not being open to hearing others even if it is criticism. If it is fair, it can be constructive and helpful as long as there is some sort of plan about how to change things.

TotalChaos Wed 11-Feb-09 17:42:46

sorry you've been having such a tough time lately, donkey's advice sounds very good. I tend to be more of a brooder, so although I get a bit agitated at the time, I wouldn't cry, but would tend to be upset later on iyswim.

TinySocks Wed 11-Feb-09 18:10:54

oh Tclanger. You are only human. I'm afraid I will have to become tougher when DS starts school, because I am the type that cries and gets upset when I see someone I love being rejected, accused or bullied.

Just a few months ago DS was still having difficult behaviour (grabbing children, not playing appropriately), and although I always followed him like a hawk to avoid problems, two children in the playgroup took a complete dislike to DS, didn't want him near (I don't blame them, his behaviour was not great).

Then one day, DS approached them to play, and they openly said "we don't want him here". I lost it, completely burst into tears in front of the other mums, it is so hurtful to see your little boy being rejected like that.

On the other hand, now DS does not grab children, he still gets accused if things go wrong. And the only reason for that is that he doesn't have the language skills to defend himself and say exactly what happened. I can defend him when I am there witnessing, but when he starts school I hope someone will stand up for him.

Chin up, don't worry about crying.
PS: Sorry I didn't see the biting thread.

Tclanger Wed 11-Feb-09 18:23:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TinySocks Wed 11-Feb-09 18:31:15

Well, it is no wonder you are feeling hurt, after all that. So sorry for M, it is really hurtful to lose a friendship, but there will be other friends around the corner.

What has society come to if these boys feel they can call a child names like that and throw stones. Words fail me. It makes me angry. I do believe that parents should be held accountable for this attitude.

TotalChaos Wed 11-Feb-09 18:49:37

How awful for you both, re:the friend and the attacks by kids at his schools, no wonder you feel so upset.

Tclanger Wed 11-Feb-09 19:11:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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