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Advice anyone?

(8 Posts)
N170698 Fri 08-Apr-05 12:00:16

I am new here, have got a son reaching 7 who's been diagnosed with ASD over 3 years ago now. Not sure wether to post here or "lone parents" but I felt there might be someone here who had same experience. I wish to leave my husband, but am scared where am going to end up, what to expect, to sum up, it is a lot of unknown, and it is pretty scary even more so with my little boy. Me and his dad just don't get along, and I've come to the point where I can't stand him around anymore. He gives 0 support, never share anything with on. I have a part-time job, which doesn't pay me anywhere near enough to support both of us. If anyone can advise, I plan on going to the CAB when hols are over. I am foreign, left twice in the past, but always made it back. This time I plan to remain here, to make a go of it. If the worse come to the worse I guess I'll have to go back home having failed pretty badly most everything I ever did, having said that, my son is beautiful and we get along great, he is brilliant but I sometimes feel I am the only one who sees that (apart from a few close people around me, maybe).
Thanks to anyone who take some time to reply.

Fio2 Fri 08-Apr-05 12:10:46

I dont know what to say, apart from i am sorry you are going through this. I know lots of families who have SN children who have split up. It must be really hard work, and is hard work. Having SN kids puts alot of strain on your relationships, but if you are so unhappy in your marriage it is most probably better to split (if it is beyond repair)

As for financial help. You get DLA, CA etc?

coppertop Fri 08-Apr-05 12:10:47

The CAB will probably be able to tell you more but your husband would probably have to pay maintenance for your son (and possibly you too) if you split up. Also, do you get DLA for your son? It can make a difference. (Disability Living Allowance). You may also be able to claim Tax Credits. You get a higher rate if you get DLA.

N170698 Fri 08-Apr-05 14:20:06

Thank you both, for your replies, sometimes, I feel terribly alone, as none of my relatives are around. Will go to the local CAB and must take a decision, as this has been going on for way to long. I do get DLA and CB. The mariage, I believe quite strongly, is most defenitly beyond repair, it has been for a long time, but I always thought things could get better.
Things, have been real bad some time ago, for which I ran away, but now, although it is not as bad, it has just become hopeless and miserable. Time to find some guts, and move on. Thanks again.

Njata Fri 08-Apr-05 16:25:44

Agree that CAB is your best bet for advice - you could also contact Gingerbread (I think they are called) - organisation for supporting and advising single parents - they might be able to help you at this difficult time. You might also get advice about how to remain in the family home as the parent remaining with the child you might be able to make him leave instead. I know how tough it is - my kids are both autistic, but look at it this way, you are already, from what you have described, a single parent to all intents and purposes anyway, so it is not so unknown. The only thing that will change is one less body in the house! Things will seem much clearer once you have all the info about the help you can get. Finally, please dont think of yourself as a failure, you are coping in a difficult situation and doing the best for your child. That makes you a success! x

Chocol8 Fri 08-Apr-05 16:35:55

Well done for posting on here - the CAB and close friends (and Mumsnet) will all help you.

I threw my ds out when my ds was 18 months as like you was very unhappy. I did worry that I wouldn't be able to support myself and my ds but somehow I did. I went full-time and had a small amount of savings. Things were hard, but never as hard as having my h about.

More recently my ds was awarded DLA and it is alot easier to pay the bills and the mortgage etc. You will be ok, as Njata says, you are a single parent already. Sadly, there are alot of us about, but personally I feel better that my ds and I live together without my h and we can do what we want, when we want with no one butting in.

Let us know how you are and keep in touch N. ((((hugs))) x

KarenThirl Sat 09-Apr-05 09:44:55

Hi N. It sounds as though you have made your decision but taking that final step is really difficult. There is help out there if you know where to go for it, and CAB is an excellent first port of call. These days you usually have to make an appointment so it's best to ring ahead and arrange something. As others have said, you may find you're eligible for benefits once you've taken the leap and moved on. It sounds as though you are doing a great job with your son as you have such a good relationship wiht him, so you're certainly no failure.

Good luck, and keep us informed.

N170698 Sat 09-Apr-05 11:54:46

Thank you everyone, for replying. I will call the CAB then on monday to make an appointment. It is true that it is hard to actually leave even though I feel so unhappy, but I really dream sometimes, me and my son living on our own, where no-one tells you what to do, when you can or cannot go out, worse even, giving you permission to visit your own family...and so on.
I'll try let you know how I got on. Thanks again, have a good week-end.

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