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i am so bloody angry about what someone said/did and i need you to help me work out what to do!

(28 Posts)
belcantwait Mon 02-Feb-09 10:02:49

on saturday night i was at a small works party and this chap was there who is frankly a bit of a nightmare. he's always hanging around when he's not invited and he's quite intimidating. anyway i got stuck with him and the talk came to babies somehow and i said i'd quite like another one at some point. he then said' well you know as you get older the likelihood of having twins increses and so does downs syndrome' so i said' well to be honest having achild with downs wouldnt bother me at all, i've got two with autism', meaning you know that things are never as you exopect it to be and you get ion with it and its fine.
do you know what he did? i dont even know how i can say it without sounding as dreadful as him so excuse whats coming next- he did that awful 'spastic' (sorry so sorry for that description) face that kids iused to do when we were about 8.angry
i was so bloody shock and i just couldnt say anything i just walked off. but i have been so furoius with him ever since and now i just dont know what to do. the thing is i work in a gallery and he is exhibiting there. my boss who is lovely says she will take them down but he's v intimidating and frankly a bit scary tbh and i am at work on my own and he comes in all the time, literally every day. her mum said she waould speak with him and basically tell him off. i dont knopw what to do!
i dont want him to get away with it, i want him to know what he did was totally unacceptable bu t i dread confrontation. i know thats crap. but equally i owe it my kids to say something directly. just dont know what or how. tbh at the momnet i am dreading seeing him let alone speaking to him. maybe i am overreacting??? by other peoples reactions when i told them i think i'm not but maybehe also has issues which resulted in him behaving in such a way so maybe i should leave it? please advise me!!!!

WEESLEEKITLauriefairycake Mon 02-Feb-09 10:04:57

What did he do after making 'that's face? Did he say anything?

What did you say to him?

Are you sure he's not just stupid and made a weird non-intentionally-offensive face?

WEESLEEKITLauriefairycake Mon 02-Feb-09 10:06:11

Hideous btw - definitely get your boss to have a word. angry for you and your family.

belcantwait Mon 02-Feb-09 10:08:53

no it was def aimed at me and what i'd just said. i had my coat on to goh ome and tbh as soon as he did it he kind of smiled at me in some weird way sort of like he meant 'is that the kindo f thing? or is that what your kids look like?' its hard to verbalise what i mean but he def meant it how it came across. he is weird but not stupid. though am beginning to doubt that opinion. i turned away from him straight awayafter that and stormed off with my mouth hanging open in disbelief.

belcantwait Mon 02-Feb-09 10:10:22

thanks laurie. why do people have to be such w@nkers? i suppose it had to come sooner or later sad. thank god my kids werent with me tho thats all i can say. thank god.

2shoes Mon 02-Feb-09 10:12:21

I would complain and say you refuse to be near him(for his safety)

belcantwait Mon 02-Feb-09 10:14:23

lol 2shoes, i was fuming about it so much and fantasising about punching him on my way home in the taxi and completely missed my house by about a mile!

Woooozle100 Mon 02-Feb-09 10:27:31

oh what a cock

if it makes you feel any better - imagine his face was twisting about like that cos you'd just knee'd him in the bollocks

aye i would complain about him

CatchaStar Mon 02-Feb-09 10:34:05

Complain about him and if he feels the need to speak to you about it just tell him that what he did was very hurtful and totally unacceptable, not to mention rude! Then have nothing more to do with him.

What a nasty man.

amber32002 Mon 02-Feb-09 10:50:38

Oh good grief, how rude of him angry
If it was a party organised by your workplace, it counts as you still being at work by law. Him mocking your child with a disability could therefore be against the law, so I think it's well worth you mentioning it quietly to whoever you trust in the management/union/HR dept etc if you wished to.

Aefondkiss Mon 02-Feb-09 10:55:38

bel, that sounds horrible, poor you, what a horrible experience and to have to see that man againangry

ikwym about hating confrontation, talking to your boss about it is a good idea.... I hope you don't have to see him again.

MrsMattie Mon 02-Feb-09 10:57:14

What a weirdo!

belcantwait Mon 02-Feb-09 11:02:00

thanks. glad its not just me being 'oversensitive' . i guess its a good sign that its taken this long for someone to say something , as in i dont often get ignorant prejudiced remarks, and ds1 is 10 now so thats good going i guess. i think i may ask my boss to have a word with him and to say he isnt welcome until i have an apology from him. maybe i should pass on some literature for him to look at so he understands how rude and inappropriate his actions wre? or that may be ridiculous.
he is very weird you know, his paintings are very very angry. horrible actually. cant imagine anyone buying the bloody things anyway.

TotalChaos Mon 02-Feb-09 11:06:09

what a twat.

5inthebed Mon 02-Feb-09 11:52:51

How bloody rude! Hope you get somewhere with your boss.

dsrplus8 Mon 02-Feb-09 12:23:49

what an ar*se#ole!angry! pox on him!- hope someone (customer, arty critic) tells him his paintings are shite!wink

dsrplus8 Mon 02-Feb-09 12:24:45

sorry - inner wishwife escaping again! lol

dsrplus8 Mon 02-Feb-09 12:25:38

oops- er, i ment Fishwife! grin

belcantwait Mon 02-Feb-09 12:46:32

amber- it was our new gallery opening night. would it mean he would get into trouble tho or my boss? its only a teeny weeny place- theres only 3 of us who work there inc the 2 bosses lol so no union/hr etc. in fact the hr dept may actually be Me afaik lol

belcantwait Mon 02-Feb-09 12:47:09

dsrplus8- RESPECT to you having eight kids! !!!!!!

dsrplus8 Mon 02-Feb-09 12:53:11

thanks bel, but no need - im just accident prone! lol. wheres the gallery? if its local i will bring the tribe around and scare the shite out the ar*e! LOL . will especially like to introduce my two SN kids, one suspected autism, one adhd- both biters grin lol

amber32002 Mon 02-Feb-09 12:58:42

It counts as "working hours" if it is something that you've been asked to do by the business rather than you and the staff deciding amongst you to go down the pub unofficially.

Well, he got himself into trouble when he upset you, in a way. But whether you report him is very much your own decision as you're the one who has to work with him. If he can be reasoned with and told how much it hurt you, that might be a good plan. If you need a boss to explain it in a sensible way on your behalf, that might work too?

belcantwait Mon 02-Feb-09 13:05:58

amber i think i will get my boss to speak to him tbh. shes a teacher as well so can be fierce! more fierce than me, i always get in a state then end up crying blush

dsrplus. thats very funny. unfortunately i think we are nowhere near you thou gh would happily dole out his address.
ds2 was always fond of a little nibble too lol

TallulahToo Mon 02-Feb-09 14:42:45

bcw - Huge sympathy for you. And well done for not just letting it go.

I've had both extreme's from the very over the top mothers at school who cluck and do the exagerated "Aaww" to those (yes - plural) occassions when they actually LAUGHED! at my ASD DS.

Only response that I can think of is to provide him with some sort of literature saying something like, "...because your inappropriate response the other night was obviously some sort of reflex thing as I feel sure you really are not that horrible shallow sort of person really."

Shame the hell out of him and make him think... if at all possible with this particular specimen of a SH1T!

troutpout Mon 02-Feb-09 14:47:00

i wish him a plague upon his testicles

<<stirs cauldron>>

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