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Tell me I'm not mad .... !

(6 Posts)
debs40 Mon 12-Jan-09 10:01:02

I posted last week about ds who I'm becoming convinced has sensory problems.

Last week we had massive meltdowns about clothes and food. It's not uncommon but this seemed worse.

This weekend, he wouldn't wear anything but his school trousers as the seams on other trousers 'hurt'. He would only wear one particular t-shirt too so he looked a little strange round Waitorse in walking boots, school trousers and t-shirt!

I've had the same problem this morning about socks, t-shirt, and shoes.But, I'm being very patient and understanding after reading all this so things were much calmer and he was pitifully grateful to me for it.

I emailed my son's teacher today because I just thought he should know how things were. And because he is going to have to keep wearing his boots (with laces he can't do)as nothing else feels comfortable.

They have an email system at school so you can mention things/raise concerns to the teacher without disrupting class in the morning.Teacher's response was 'I have to cut the labels of my daughter's clothes too so you have my sympathy'.

I just feel like a fussy mum unloading on people or pathologising my
son's behaviour. My friend's reaction was pretty much the same but I
know if her daughter refused to wear her school shoes or insisted on
wearing her school clothes because they didn't 'hurt' she'd be worried
too.

I'm feeling pretty low about it all. DS got into trouble last week for hitting someone in the playground who was making too much noise. I just feel like I want to protect him but that everyone else will just think I'm mad/over indulgent etc etc!!

Still I'll wait to see what my health visitor says when she gets back
to me. She took me seriously when I spoke to her last week.

At the moment, I'm just going for 'safe' foods and clothes!

Seuss Mon 12-Jan-09 10:15:01

You are not mad. Ds has had various clothes issues, wouldn't take his jumper off for most of the summer and now it is freezing he won't wear anything with long sleeves. He tends to go through phases with these things - don't know if that gives you any hope? I would do as you are and go for the safe food/clothes - especially if he feels the others 'hurt'. Plus it gets way to miserable if you have to fight over every single food/item of clothing. You aren't being mad or over indulgent, you are just helping your son to be comfortable and if people have issue with that stuff 'em.

coppertop Mon 12-Jan-09 10:17:43

You don't sound mad to me at all.

A lot of your description of your ds could equally apply to my ds2. He went through a period of 18mths of wearing the same T-shirt all the time, no matter what the weather. Thankfully we had 3 identical ones but he looked like a little street urchin as they were more like rags by the end of it.

I'm glad your HV is taking it seriously. There's a lot that can be done to help.

alfiemama Mon 12-Jan-09 10:24:04

I think as a mum you have to trust your instincts, you know yourself that your ds behaviour isnt the "norm". Would it help to make a list of his little traits and go and see the gp. He can make all the referrals for you.

Also try and think, if it helps my ds to wear his boots then like Seuss says, stuff em.

My ds who is 4 has to wear a helmet to school and usually I put a bobble hat over the top. This morning couldnt find it for love no money, so he was stood in the yard with his lovely little helmet on for all to see. You should have seen the faces of the parents. But I did just think stuff em. If they want to gawp then so be it. My son is comfortable with his "super heroe hat" so thats all that matters.

debs40 Mon 12-Jan-09 11:18:16

Thanks. I really feel there is an issue here now. I have tried to put it out of my mind before but it is getting worse and his distress really bothers me.

It is hard because I just feel so alone with it. After this weekend, hubby can now see what I mean but I'm still not sure he doesn't feel that it is just 'bad behaviour'.

The teacher probably thinks I'm an old fuss pot too.

Oh well! Thanks for all your help

dxx

morningsun Mon 12-Jan-09 12:34:45

am not an expert but posted last week about my ds1 who was sensitive to labels,wool,wore shoes and trousres on the beach beocos of the sand,hated hair cuts as itchyetc etc
he is 17 now,still has sensitive skin as has red hair but my ds2 has sore skin from eczema but never has the meltdowns my ds1 had.
Whe ds1 was little there was no such thing as spd[have only heard of it myself on mumsnet]and,like you, veered between thinking he was being ridiculously fussy,and wondering if added up to "problem".My dh thought he was being naughty and i must be over indulging him in some way but i wasn't,i found it upsetting but tried to understand. sometimes it seemed i had to make things just right for him all the time or he would get really upset.For example if his little sister sat too close to him he would get cross or lash out,esp if she took his drink etc.
Now in 2008 i find this subject of spd v interesting,as it reminds me how he was~i considered referral to a child psychologist at the time[dh thought that ridic] but the only thing i had in mind was either jealousy of baby sister or as/asd but didn't quite fit.
What i'm trying to say in all this waffle is,don't feel down about it,its not your fault,don't think you're being over anxious,you're not.Its the way he is and you're trying to find out what it might add up to.You have every right to dothis,all your friends would do the same.Its not how you're parenting him,he's sensitive and you have to go with that.
So be kind to yourself,have confidence in your judgements,be kind to him he can't help it and yes keep a sense of perspective but don't worry about what other peoples opinions are.

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