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To take the step to have 3rd baby or not after SN ??......

(34 Posts)
mummyto2miracles Thu 08-Jan-09 13:37:05

Who has resigned themselves to never have another baby after Sn's child? And who took the brave step to go ahead?

Already have a dd,7 healthy, and my nearly 2 yr old ds who has a genetic disorder which involves severe epilepsy, hypotonia, hypermobility, brain damage and global development and my partner's chromosomes came bk ok,my ds1's chromosome 6 attached itself to chromosome 12 during conception resuling in all his probs , still waiting to see geneticist

I have also had 3 miscarriages, my dd is from a prev relationship,although my partner is her "dad", my 3 mc's and my ds1 are to my partner of 6 years.

But in the future I would like to think I will have more healthy children....

mumgoingcrazy Thu 08-Jan-09 13:44:19

I'm afraid I don't have anything useful to add but I will be watching this thread with interest. DH and I were talking about this last night.

I currently have DD1 (3yr NT) and DD2 (18 mo SN). DD2 requires constant therapy and hospital appointments and already feel DD1 misses out a bit as DD2 is quite time consuming but I've always imagined having 3. My mum said way in the future it'd be kinder to DD1 to have more siblings to share the responsibility. It'd be unfair for her to have to look after DD2 alone when we are gone (bit morbid I know).

On the other hand would I be able to keep up the therapy and appointments she desperately needs and clearly benefits from if I had a baby to look after.

Sorry no help to you at all, but I'll be very interested to hear other peoples views.

mummyto2miracles Thu 08-Jan-09 13:50:33

Mumgoingcrazy, I feel exactly the same,feel my dd misses out as it is just now, and have SOOOO many appointments and ppl coming in & out my home all the time, so at the same time I don't wanna put Ds1's needs aside or my dd, feel selfish, and very afraid of miscarrying again, and if I get past tht stage and am then told the baby has something wrong's such a tough one, becos I can't imagine never being pregnant again or having another baby, tht said I DEF would stop at 3 kids grin

Can't wait to see others views too

yomellamoHelly Thu 08-Jan-09 13:53:15

Am expecting 3rd after 2 boys (oldest 5 and youngest - with cp and "severe global development delay" - aged 2 and not sitting yet).
Found out was pg the week ds2 was diagnosed. Am ridiculously busy and struggle to imagine how I'm going to juggle everything at the beginning and end of the day, but also hugely excited at the idea of another little one. Think dh is just plain terrified!

Mitchell81 Thu 08-Jan-09 13:56:05

I have a disabled daughter who's 8 and needs constant care. We always knew we wanted more children but worried how I would cope with the day to day care my DD required and looking after a new baby. There was a 1 in 4 chance of it happening again in future children. So we waited 5 years before falling pregnant again, so DD was starting school so I would have the days free to look after the baby. I know have DD(8), DS1(2.6) and DS2 (7 months). You will manage whatever is throw at you. I was lucky and the boys are fine. Still struggle to get out on my own with the 3 children as pushing wheelchair and buggy is impossible on my own. Good luck in whatever decision you make.

Mitchell81 Thu 08-Jan-09 13:57:30

know should read now

mumgoingcrazy Thu 08-Jan-09 14:02:17

Sorry to hear about your miscarriages, that must be very hard to deal with. If yours and your DP's chromosomes came back ok, are the chances very slim of your new baby having problems?

Congratulations Yo on expecting your 3rd smile

feelingbetter Thu 08-Jan-09 14:05:46

I will definitely (I hope!) have more. If DS didn't have his problems, we'd have had more so I am determined that his condition will not change his family life any further. I also feel much more confident after DS's, shall we say, challenging start to life that I could handle whatever life throws at me next.
I do hope, as we all do, for a future 'healthy' child. As DS is my first, I would (selfishly) hope that it would bring a bit of balance to our family. And if the future child has SN, then I know that I would cope with that too. People cope with much worse than I do at the moment, and that is the point, they do cope. I feel confident that I will too.

mummyto2miracles Thu 08-Jan-09 14:16:05

No no I'm NOT pregnant!!!grin

Hehe, just wondering what to do in future, 28 coming up at end of January

We don't know what the chances are....but consultant sed he thinks I would have a healthy bby and tht just thinks we have bn unlucky with Jack, but then I have had 3 mc's, so waiting on appointment from geneticist

Mitchell81 Thu 08-Jan-09 14:20:20

Mummyto2miracles Sorry about your miscarriages. Where they before or after having DS?

mummyto2miracles Thu 08-Jan-09 14:27:37

Well I had 2 mc's when my dd was about 2yrs old,

1st one was straightforward mc IYSWIM, then the 2nd was called a missed miscarriage, went for 12 week scan and was told tht baby had bn dead since around week 8

Then left it a while and fell pregnant with Jack in 2006 had him Mar 07, then Dec 07 last year when Jack was 9 months I fell pregnant by accident, happy accident tho grin and miscarried in Jan 08, same, missed miscarriage again, so had 2 d and c's after both my missed mc's, not pleasant

Woooozle100 Thu 08-Jan-09 15:24:17

hiya mummy to 2 miracles

sorry about yr mc. It does sound encouraging that you and dp's chromosomes came back ok. But better for you to see geneticist in light of mc.

Is yr son missing / duplicated bits off chromos 6 and 12? My dd has unbalanced translocation (5 and 14) She has inherited it from me as I have balanced translocation. I've also had 3 mc and in my case is more than likely down to BT

I have also got 15 mo ds with normal chromosomes, born after my dd and when I knew about whole BT thing. I very very much wanted to have another child and desperately hoped they wouldn't have any problems. We were very lucky and I feel truly grateful to have ds AND dd. For a while I was so angry that this all happened to our family and our dd was affected by a chromosome disorder but now I feel so chuffed that she did make it through pregnancy and beyond ifykwim.

LeonietakingtheLEAbytheballs Thu 08-Jan-09 16:24:56

Message withdrawn

mm22bys Thu 08-Jan-09 16:55:31

I would love to have another child BUT chances are that DS2's condition (mitochondrial disease) is by it's very nature inherited. We don't know how he "got" it, whether it was me or DH, or just a random freakish event.

Chances are 1:4 babies would be affected, 1:2 would be carriers and 1:4 would be unaffected.

So not good.

At this stage DS2 is not severely affected but his condition is progressive, and can affect every organ of the body.

We don't know what his prognosis is (80% die before their 3rd birthday, he is 25 months).

Part of me would like to take a chance, but another part of me does not want to go through all this again...

mummyto2miracles Thu 08-Jan-09 17:12:50


Don't know anything else apart from that chromosome 6 attached itslf to chromosome 12 during conception, so dunno chances ofit happpening again consulant said "freak of nature" unfortunately, but I dunno

Graciefer Thu 08-Jan-09 17:19:48

I have DS1 who is almost 6 and has severe autism and DS2 who is 15 months and has Downs syndrome.

I am now pregnant with my 3rd child and had my 12 week scan today.

Although it is scary thought about coping with everything, both myself and DH really want a large family and as we are both in our early 30's, we have decided it is all worth it.

DH says we should stop at 7 shock, me however I will see how 3 goes.

pagwatch Thu 08-Jan-09 17:28:40

I have DS1 (15)who is NT
and DS2 (12) who has severe autism.
We decided to go ahead and have number three when DS2 was 6.

We had DD who is (obviously) now 6.

We took measures to avoid DS2's problems but we relised there were no guarentees. we went ahead as soon as we knew we would all cope. Best decision we ever made. Having another baby has been fabulous for all of us - especially DS2

( BTW DD is NT )

lou031205 Thu 08-Jan-09 17:35:39

I have DD1, 3.1 who has various development delays, and as of yesterday confirmed epilepsy, DD2, 16 months, NT, and DC3 due in April.

Although I am quite scared about about the prospect of April (DD1 managed to put the buggy brake on with her hands half way across a road today with a van coming- I didn't know she knew the brake existed hmm) I am glad that I was already pregnant with DC3 when we found out about DD's SN.

If I hadn't been, I might have been reluctant to go for a third, simply on the hard work not enough hands front.

We don't know the cause as yet, and may never, but I am sure DC3 will bring delight to DDs and enhance our family, whatever his or her 'status' regarding NT/SN.

Tclanger Thu 08-Jan-09 17:42:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

monstermansmum Thu 08-Jan-09 18:15:21

My ds1 (7) has Angelman Syndrome, epilepsy, behavioural problems etc etc. I remarried 3 yrs ago and now have a nrly 3 yr old and a 1.5 yr old!!! There is no denying it can be hard work and it is almost impossible to be out alone with the 3 of them but we do manage ok. My dd (11) is a great help although the extra responsibility is hard for her to accept at times even though it is unavoidable! Ds1 loves his baby bro and sis and they are great with him. The lack of communication bothered me at first but to be honest we 'forget' that he doesnt talk or sign and it doesnt seem to bother the babies. All the best with your decision.

donkeyderby Thu 08-Jan-09 19:00:37

We waited for six years before having our DS2. DS1 (12) is very severely disabled with no diagnosis, DD (17)is NT, but from a different relationship. I was desperate to have another child, but frankly terrified of having another disabled child. Not so much because of the disability, but because of the lack of help on offer from social services etc. I've found having DS2 very hard work but incredibly healing. I hope all goes well with you.

Debs75 Thu 08-Jan-09 19:48:14

We have
DD1 12
DS1 10 (asd)
DD2 3 months

When I had dd1 I knew I wanted loads of kids and was really happy when ds was born, Dp was content with 2 so as money was tight we assumed family was complete. When ds was 3 he was diagnosed with autism and severe behavioural problems. Looking back I wish I had already had no 3 before he had been diagnosed as maybe the baby would encourage his development. As it was we had a happy accident last xmas and dd2 was born september. She has fitted in quite well and ds has accepted her. We don't ever leave them alone and dd1 helps out when he freaks out but otherwise I am pleased that our family has grown.
There are still things that are harder such as can't push 2 buggies by myself and ds sometimes demands my attention more as he gets a bit jealous. Bf baby is a struggle but safer then ds thinking any bottle can be babies.

Ultimately the decision to have another baby is yours, some people struggle some don't, unfortunatley you won't know how until you do it.

5inthebed Thu 08-Jan-09 22:32:14

The weekend ds2 was diagnosed with autism, me and dh decided that we would not have any more kids, so to focus on ds1 and more so ds2. Lo and behold, the very same weekend, I fell pregnant with ds3 (6 weeks old now and thriving). So far so good. DS2 has handled it so much better than we imagined, although a few "new" behaviours have risen and a few old ones are starting to resurface. Not sure if this is typical with autistic children.

Hope you get some answers from the geneticist, and go on to have another child.

Woooozle100 Fri 09-Jan-09 09:17:02

congratulations graciefer - that's ace news

mumgoingcrazy Fri 09-Jan-09 12:22:12

Mummyto2miracles, what are your thoughts on having a 3rd now?

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