Parents of SN children, please help me explain my SN friend to my ds (age 4)

[mynewnickname]

Hi

Apologies as I'm sure this has been asked before. My good friend's dd has severe special needs. I am sure my ds knows she is different as he has always been extra kind to her which is lovely.

Now ds (who is almost 4) has started asking me why our little friend can't, for example, talk despite being older than him and other questions. How can I explain this to him in an age-appropriate way?

I said tonight that X is different and can't do some of the things other children can do but has some special characteristics too which are extra lovely (which is very true) but I didn't know what else to say to him as to why.

[jennybensmummy]

there are some lovely books out there which describe things well for kids try looking on ebay perhaps, i know for autism there are a few though not sure about other conditions, disabilities etc

[HannukArabica]

I would suggest asking your friend for some suggestions, too, but this has been my experience: DD (2.5) can't speak or sign anything much apart from 'bye bye'.

When DS' younger friends (aged say 4-6) ask why DD can't speak, I usually tell them that some people learn to talk later than others, but if she needs something she'll tell us her way.

Often though they aren't really that interested, they just seem to need my acknowledgment that yes it's true, she can't speak! They accept the difference and don't think about it negatively. So I guess what I am saying is, no need to counter it with a positive thing like, 'but she can do XX really well...'

[mynewnickname]

Thanks for your replies.

She has very severe Sn so it's more than not being able to speak. I'm struggling to explain to ds why she is so 'different' as he sees it. He has so far just taken it all as it is and never asked so I assumed we'd carry on like that.

I guess I could ask my friend. Wonder if that would sound insensitive though - I suppose I could ask her what she has said to her other dd when she has asked?

[HannukArabica]

I think talking to her about it is a good idea Hope it goes OK