Is it safe to say on here that I am not feeling at all Christmassy?

[PeachyBidsYouNadoligLlawen]

Usually I like Christmas, a lot. This year I could just crawl in a hole i think and give it a miss.

DS1 has completely lost it lately, schhool have every member of staff on alert all the time. I ahve suggested a statement review but the SENCO is away for a few weeks after school restarts as she broke her wrist badly.

DS3 was diagnosed last Monday, I was numb for a few days but now the confiormation that the best we will hope for is supported living is becoming real after years of thinking its all in my head.

Dh is getting ill agian too- nto the depression (well no more than usual) but the problems we had before- shaking, memory issues- I can have an entire convo with him now that he can't remember. I am praying its meds related- if it isn't- oh shit!

So just having a whinge really I know most of you have it so much worse so feeel a bit guilty for this is getting stupid now! All it is is fighting between the older two, all day. not sibling stuff- full on, cage fighter, violent stuff. They hate each other. DS3 is either computer or hyper as well.

I know we have a good Christmas planned, lots of gifts and food, but there's just nt that happy sense this year if you know what I meean? I've even got to explain to the boys that MIL couldn't even manage a card for them this year (bizarrely my parents got one weeks ago from her)

Thanks for the chance to whinge, appreciated.

[lou031205]

Nothing I can say to make it better or less bad. But, you inspire me, and when I feel low about my little world, I think of you, and hope that if I can be as good as you, I'll be doing OK.

[TotalChaos]

I think a lot of people, if you get them to drop the social facade, dread Xmas in one way or another - this happy family Xmas is largely a media/commercial myth IMO.

I am sorry you have so many worries, and I suppose given the timing of the DX it was inevitable that it will overshadow Xmas. The half-term before Xmas is rotten - long, dark with crappy weather, and with lots of changes to routine - so a disaster in waiting for some kids with ASD. I hope things pick up for you in the New Year.

[luckylady74]

I think that the fact it's Christmas can make us feel like we're meant to be having a good time when really the same old shit is happening.
To be frank, and hoping not to make you feel any worse, a dx of your ds's sn is not just an everyday event and you are absolutely justified in feeling like life's not perfect!
Is your ds1 having the 'Christmas effect' or has it been going on for longer?Can you 'divide and conquer' - split the older 2 up as much as possible - I know it's not a long term solution of course.
Big hugs if you accept them.

[feelingbitfestive]

((((((BIG HUG))))))))
Completely sympathise. Can't imagine how you are coping. A real diagnosis is awful, as is any real news - even if you are expecting it, having it confirmed is such a blow.
You have a good christmas planned (we are now nearly ready too) and when the time comes, it will be ace. It's just very difficult to be excited about it now that I know that this time of year makes the bad things worse .
It also makes the good things better - even if there's not many good things, they will be gooder (new word invented I think).
Anyway, I know you have lots of wine .
It'll be good.
I know it will.
But till then, permission to feel crap and not at all christmassy is granted
Best wishes xxxxxxxx

[PeachyBidsYouNadoligLlawen]

I do hugs. I'm not a Moldie (sorry couldn't resist LOL )

No dividing possible, apart from lack of anywhere to divide to, they seem drawn to each other- school are really narked with it too; ds2 is fab..... until he spots ds1...

DS1 is always a big problem, but atm its at 150% iyswim? I do think it's the Christmas effect, too many routine changes and the like. But Dh has noticed it's worsened rapidly atm- we're just praying for a return to 'normality' after Christmas

Lou don't be inspired by me fgs, I'm a mess half the bloody time! I'm only here so much coz RL scares me.

[onlyjoking9329]

i think it is safe to say that on here.
Peachy you have a lot to deal with so i am not surprized you are not feeling christmassy.
There are lots of expectations around christmas being "merry" if one more person says merry christmas to me i will feel forced to swear.
Me and the kids are off to Lanzarote in the morning to escape from christmas and new year.

[feelingbitfestive]

peachy, I second Lou, you are inspring - honest!
Anyhoo, you have a cup of coffee with me to look forward to sometime in the new year (that should get you thru it!)

[PeachyBidsYouNadoligLlawen]

Envious at Lanzarote, we spent a day there on honeymoon. We're hoping to take the boys to france next year if we're feeling brave. I'm going to ask somebody to translate 'sorry he's autistic' for me and have it tattoed on DS1's forehead .

[siblingrivalry]

Hello Peachy,
I am a newbie, but post here now and again.
I totally agree with the 'Christmas effect' you
mentioned. We are have the same sort of thing with dd1 (Sensory Processing Disorder). I had to have her collected early from a party yesterday and she seems to be yelling and lashing out constantly. The atmosphere here is awful.

I really hope things settle down for you, once the craziness of Christmas is over. If it's any consolation, this year I feel like crawling into bed and hiding until it's all over.
Take care - you are not alone

[PeachyBidsYouNadoligLlawen]

Feelingabit- I will hold you to that coffee!

siblingrivalry (great name btw)- the atmosphere is a killer sin't it? And it takes so much work to do anything. Dh cut ds1's hair today- we ahd to, it was mattting as its curly and he refused to wash it- it took a total of 5 hours in all! Ridiculous

[coppertop]

I don't have any wise words to add to the ones already on here but wanted to post anyway. I hope things settle down for you a little once the dreaded Christmas is out of the way. xx

I hope the trip to Lanzarote goes as well as it possibly can, OJ. xx

[feelingbitfestive]

OJ
2 years ago we spent the new year in Gran Canaria - it was fantastic. And it was hot - I had a tan!!!!
I hope you all have a fantastic time (have read your threads so know you all bloody deserve it). New year was just brill - fireworks, lots of drinks, lots of dancing, a lovely celebratory family atmosphere (everyone seemed to be in the square) that we never get in this country. i only saw 1 drink person, and he was harmless and funny. I hope youu have a wonderful time.

[feelingbitfestive]

That'd be a drunk person

[siblingrivalry]

Oh, the hair issues , Peachy! DD2 arrived home on Wednesday with headlice. Naturally, had to do dd1's hair with the nitcomb - she screamed for the full half hour! She also has curly hair. Should be a blessing, but for her it's a curse - takes too much controlling.
BTW, my name was 'inspired' by the constant fighting and arguing in our house.

[alfiemamagotstuckupthechimney]

Oh Peachy, Sorry that you are feeling so down.
Lou and Festive are totally bob on, you do inspire, you give fantastic advice and you are human and are bound to have a wobble, every now again.

I have found this year harder than any, simple things that used to make me smile, like cards home from Alfies friends, now I just look and then and all I can think is how they have wrote their own names, something that I can't see Alf doing for a long time.

Xmas is hard for our children as it is full of change.

Take care

we could all tell jokes again like we did for Festive

[PeachyBidsYouNadoligLlawen]

Jokes V welcome LOl

I know what you mean about the cards- I had my first wbble during the nativity; every other child had lines and ds3 had 2 support assistants instead. Luckily baby cried so i could leave for a moment.

DS3 goes to Sn school next year so I know there will be change, and I am glad because the people who have helped us at school for the last 2 years are seemingly leaving in droves- rats / sinking ships (except they're not rats but ykwim).

[feelingbitfestive]

Oooh go on, lets tell jokes. I could recite all your jokes and pretend they're mine !!!
Better than a joke (for me anyway) DS is getting better, I'm sure and he looked at me today and SMILED!!!!!!! (never have been sure quite what he sees, but today, I'm certain he sees more than he did yesterday)

I am looking forward to that coffee Peachy. Do you know where the signing lessons are?

[wrinklytum]

Sorry you are having a bad time at the moment xxx

[PeachyBidsYouNadoligLlawen]

i've got an email feelingabit, must chase up (rubbish at remembering stuff!)- cardiff gate IIRC

[XmasLollipopViolet]

Peachy, I'm afraid I have no advice of my own, but I echo the sentiments of everyone here .

Have a smile and a hug ((((hug)))) from me, they're free, they mean a lot and I have plenty more

[PeachyBidsYouNadoligLlawen]

Rather ironically it all got topped off today becuase I got a parking ticket for being in a disabled bay

'Cept I wasn't, I checked the sign 3 times, for parents with small children, I had all 4.

The ironic thing is I have to reapply for ds3's mobility as he is olde nough now and will probably have a badge before long.

It was a warning rather than a fine, thankfully, but I should probably have taken them on over it shouldn't I?

[Davros]

Hi Peachy, sorry its so crap at the moment and think dx is bound to have an effect as well as Xmas on top! How are your lot about going to bed and sleeping? We get through a day by looking forward to the 8.15pm melatonin time AND by also thinking that, however bad Xmas holiday can be and its probably the worst in terms of support, it won't last forever. Not very encouraging I know. And my DS is at a good residential school so (now) I've got nothing to deal with compared to most. I let him eat playdoh, have bath after bath, let off party poppers etc if it means he's happy and we can "relax". I'm sure the dx must be a big factor and if you've got a baby to look after AND the sibling fighting..... just think "January, January, January" and DON'T feel guilty about not being excited about Xmas or enjoying it, it isn't obligatory although it is disappointing not to be enjoying it but at least you are being honest with yourself about it (maybe not with everyone else though I bet?)

[daisy5678]

I think it's about picking your battles, so don't blame you for not taking them on over the parking thing!

As for the rest of it, I'm not surprised you don't feel Christmassy. I think most people put more of a face on feeling better than they do about it, so you won't be alone. I guess like Davros said that feeling guilty makes it worse; if we take the pressure off the whole 'it's got to be special and perfect because it's Christmas and anything less must just be crap', it's easier to find happiness in the little things, like an hour's snatched sleep in an afternoon when someone kind offers to keep an eye, or in the excitement in the kids' eyes when they get a present that they wanted.

I hope things become easier for you. The dx must be upsetting but J's felt less 'raw' after a while and agree that your attitude to your kids is inspiring, but at the same time, we're all human and allowed to feel crap when things are crap. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[pagwatch]

Aw Peachy.
I have nothing at all useful to say.
But I do think you are totally fab.
And i really hope it all goes better than you think. Sometimes, even at the worst times, the christmas thing creeps up and makes it OK.
If not I just drink.

[PeachyBidsYouNadoligLlawen]

No driking sob- not my turn(DH swears tis his but i was pg and not drunking last year so aware I hve been Conned LOL)

Ds1's d sent me plummeting for ages but I am hoping this one will be less potent esp. as there are measures afoot such as the sn school to help, rather than just seeing us abandond as we were with ds1.