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2 steps forward and 3 steps back

(24 Posts)
Blossomhill Tue 22-Mar-05 16:00:30

Dd had an easter concert today and wasn't at her best apparently. She kept calling out, was fidgety and her teacher thinks probably bored as well as she knows the play inside out from rehearsels. She had to be taken out as she was so bad
Feel awful as this morning she was trying to talk to another little girl and she sad ** is mad isn't she??? I try to ignore it but it does really hurt.
I am trying so hard to think of all of the things dd can do and how much she has progressed but it just seems that every now and again she just has an off day and as the title says I feel like we are taking 2 steps forward and 3 back. i wasn't there today as you can only go to 1 performance so it's my turn tomorrow. I am just thinking that if she does play up tomorrow it will be me that has to deal with the tut, tut brigade as some people are so unsympathethic and cruel really.
I really thought I had got better and was acepting things a lot more, obviously not

mum38 Tue 22-Mar-05 16:17:02

hope it goes ok tomorrow. My ds2 has his play tomorrow too. It was a disaster at Christmas-he sat there crying and hitting himself so I am pretty nervous too!! Has the teacher any ideas as to how to help? ds2s helper is going to sit with him to one side so he feels part of the show but not centre stage. At Xmas he was in the middle and being stared at by everyone which I think set him off. I know its hard but try and ignore any tuts - the people who count will be sympathetic for any problems. Mind you I find the sympatheic people hard to cope with too!! I'm not helping much ...Wishing you all the bestxx

Tiggiwinkle Tue 22-Mar-05 16:22:41

My DS had his Easter concert yesterday. I felt pretty low afterwards as the difference between him and the other kids was so apparent (he is 6 and ?Aspergers).
He did not join in at all and was disengaged for the whole time. When I asked him why he did not sing, he said he was playing with his fingers-they were his Bionicles!(his current craze)

macwoozy Tue 22-Mar-05 17:39:15

Oh Blossomhill, I've had that "why is he mad" comment too, and even though it was said quite innocently(I think) from another child, it really really hurt me too.
Like mum38, my ds is also placed at the very side of the hall when special assemblies are arranged.
I hope all goes well tomorrow for you
Tiggiwinkle, what on earth are Bionicles???

Blossomhill Tue 22-Mar-05 17:54:33

Thanks everyone for your lovely comments (as always)
Just been speaking to a friend who has a ds with autism and I said I think I have to accept that things are never going to be plain sailing

Blossomhill Tue 22-Mar-05 18:22:33

I just feel that some people look at my dd as a second class citizen

Tiggiwinkle Tue 22-Mar-05 18:26:44

Macwoozy-You mean you dont know what Bionicles are?!!
They are a type of Lego model-like a robot-type thing. My DS loves them.

Blossomhill Tue 22-Mar-05 18:28:08

Tiggiwinkle my ds is obsessed with them too. he can make one in 5 minutes flat.
In toysrus they are selling a large bucket with 500 bionicle pieces so they make there own. Ds is begging for me to get him one!

maddiemo Tue 22-Mar-05 18:35:27

I think it may be hard because of dd being a dd iyswim. Girls seem to have much closer friendships than boys and that is probably hard for dd as litlle girls can be quite cliquey and conformist. Perhaps have a word with the school so that they could have a chat with all kids about understanding and friendship.
Good luck at the show tomorrow

coppertop Tue 22-Mar-05 18:44:03

Sorry you're feeling so down, BH.

I know that when ds1 was in the Reception nativity play he and the rest of his herd (of sheep ) were sitting nearest to the teacher and LSA. A couple of the children got fidgety and distracted and the LSA was able to calm them down without making it too obvious IYKWIM.

Fingers crossed that she was just saving her best performance for you to see tomorrow. xx

Tiggiwinkle Tue 22-Mar-05 19:51:25

Blossomhill-I have bought the Bionicles bucket and hidden it as a present for DS for Easter!
He also bought some of the new range with his birthday money-you probably know they are "buy one get one half price" at ToysRUs at the moment?
Hope it goes well tomorrow-I know just how you feel.

Blossomhill Tue 22-Mar-05 21:23:44

Thanks TW
So was the bucket of bionicles any good???

Do you not have a specific dx then TW as we don't.

Tiggiwinkle Tue 22-Mar-05 22:06:08

Blossom-I will let you know on Sunday about the bucket-I am not giving it to him till then! Looks pretty good though.
No, we don't have a definite diagnosis yet. My DS has been seeing the clinical psychologist since January and she told me on my last visit that she is almost certain he has Aspergers. He is to have a full assessment with another psychologist and the paed. on 31st March.

jmb1964 Tue 22-Mar-05 22:35:13

Thank goodness we don't have Easter plays to deal with as well, Christmas is bad enough. Our ds1 (AS, now 7) looked very out of it in both Nativity plays he was in, and I hated it. The second one he sat there looking really uncomfortable the whole time, and I couldn't work out what the problem was. Turned out he had an itchy back, but had been told to SIT STILL so he was trying his best (and succeeding, bless him ) not to scratch!
But we had a dance show this year, last week, and there was very little in the whole thing to make him look different at all - he joined in, loved the dancing, especially the 'flamingo', and had a big smile on his face. IT DOES get easier, I think, as they learn to understand themselves better.
Hope tomorrow goes OK - good luck to you both!

KarenThirl Wed 23-Mar-05 06:58:44

Sorry it was a bad day BH. Try to focus on dd's progress if you can - we all have off days and perhaps she was having one yesterday. She IS improving but it won't happen overnight.

It's hard when other kids notice a difference. I'm sick of J's peers coming up to me in the yard and asking why he's always so naughty. Can't tell them why either because strictly speakign J doesn't even know himself yet.

Blossomhill Wed 23-Mar-05 15:30:45

Thanks again everyone.

Well went today. Dd wasn't signing but she did sign. She just didn't seem to enjoy it like all of the other children

I know I need to toughen up but it's hard isn't it???

Tiggiwinkle Wed 23-Mar-05 16:35:44

Blossom-I had exactly the same thing on Monday with my DS. Felt quite tearful afterwards-its upsetting, isn't it?

macwoozy Wed 23-Mar-05 17:03:31

I'm glad for you that she managed to cope with the easter concert. It is upsetting when our children stand out, I even find myself getting abit tearful when my ds just walks into the hall before the special assemblies even start.There's just no hope for me.

Blossomhill Wed 23-Mar-05 17:48:32

Tiggiwinkle and mcwoozy - I think it's sutuations like that, that really make it stand out the difference with there peers.
It really hurts doesn't it???
I meant to say she sang but didn't sign, it was all too much I think.
When I see all of the other girls her age acting "normal" it can be like a punch in the face tbh

jmb1964 Thu 24-Mar-05 00:33:24

BH - yes, it is awful, but try to look forward to the days when you will see her doing something she hasn't done before, and NOT standing out from the crowd - it will mean such a lot to you then, and all the other Mums won't have a clue..
I watched my ds cross the road to post a letter one day and nearly fell apart!

coppertop Thu 24-Mar-05 16:11:26

How's it going, BH? Are you and dd okay?

Blossomhill Thu 24-Mar-05 16:23:17

Well I had a very emotional morning. Spoke to the SALT and I said look be honest with me. What is wrong with dd? Please tell me. I was begging and she said that she had a high level pragmatic language disorder.
I have never cried so much, I looked like Bart Simpson.
Basically dd won't ever get a label as such. Doesn't fit any of the criterias enough. I just want answers and doesn't look like I am going to get any...

coppertop Thu 24-Mar-05 16:28:26

Oh no.

Do the people at BIBIC think that they may be able to give you a clearer picture of what's going on?

Blossomhill Thu 24-Mar-05 17:08:49

We have seen so many people and they all say the same ct. I just have to live with and accept it...

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