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Hi, I'm desperate for help with son's behaviour

(37 Posts)
sahara Tue 22-Mar-05 11:36:53

I'm new. I need some advice on how to get my son diagnosed as having ADHD. He has been excluded from 4 mainstream schools and aside from now being at home with me all day. no one is helping. Does anybody know what I can do. My depression is out of control because I just can't face another day of his behaviour. I have no idea how to discipline him, no one is guiding me or helping me. He is going to be 7 in a few months and he is just sitting here at home. Social worker, educational therapist, doctors, even an educational welfare officer and still he is here at home because he is not actually diagnosed with having it. what should I do?

Please help a very frustrated mum reconnect with her kid.

anniebear Tue 22-Mar-05 11:55:02

Sounds like you are having a terible time.

I am sorry I have no advice at all, but just wanted you to know that somebody was reading your post.

You will get some great advice on here I am sure.

sahara Tue 22-Mar-05 11:58:42

Thankyou for replying.

coppertop Tue 22-Mar-05 12:04:30

I'm no expert but I'm sure that the LEA has a duty to provide your son with an education. What is happening at the moment? Are they providing him with any tuition at all? Are they trying to find him yet another school?

Do you have a Child Development Centre/Unit in your area?

mummytosteven Tue 22-Mar-05 12:05:57

i know very little as well, but has he been referred to a paediatrician - i think they can make proper diagnoses

sahara Tue 22-Mar-05 12:08:35

No they are not providing him with any tutoring at the moment, as the school he was attending has said that they are prepared to offer him an hour a day for now. But my son refuses to go and I can't risk taking him as he will be violent. He is in the middle of being statmented but whilst he is at home I believe it slows down the process. And even then they might only offer a few hours in a mainstream school.

sahara Tue 22-Mar-05 12:11:04

He is being referred to a centre that has alot of councillors but the waiting list is very high and I have seen them once in 1 year. Apparently this is the only way forward in my area, but he is 6, almost 7 and can't read.

Socci Tue 22-Mar-05 12:12:34

Message withdrawn

coppertop Tue 22-Mar-05 12:13:52

Have you heard of IPSEA? They are a group who offer really good advice about these kinds of situations. They have a helpline that you can use. Apparentlan be difficult to get through but it's worth pressing re-dial over and over until you get through.

I don't have the web address but it should be easy to find using Google.

coppertop Tue 22-Mar-05 12:14:49

Ooops! Should have said "Apparently it can be...."

Socci Tue 22-Mar-05 12:17:36

Message withdrawn

sahara Tue 22-Mar-05 12:20:23

I will try that IPSEA later on and see what it is about. Does anybody know how I can contact MrsF, chocol8 or jaysmum?

Cosmo74 Tue 22-Mar-05 12:30:49

Sahara - sorry you are going through a rough time - have you asked your GP or school to refer him for assessment?

I am waiting on getting my DS (5) assessed as his school recommended it - also started him on Omega fish oils about 4 weeks ago and think this has helped him calm down and concentrate a bit better.

Take care - Phone your GP or HV and ask to get him referred for your sake and his...

Cosmo74 Tue 22-Mar-05 12:33:21

Sorry - started to write my message before anyone relpied then got called away!!

sahara Tue 22-Mar-05 13:06:55

Sorry, had to give Ds,Ds & Dd some lunch. I have tried to get my GP to refer him but they say it's down to the school and the school is extremly unsympathetic to our problem, they won't even send me work for him to do at home even though I have asked on numerous occassions.
But thanks everyone for responding it has really helped cheer me up. Even being able to say help is great as all I ever get is the looks and the OMG isn't he a horrible child. Which he is not.

coppertop Tue 22-Mar-05 13:12:46

I think MrsF is offline this week. You could try contacting Chocol8 or Jaysmum by starting a thread with their names in the title so that they will see it.

Saker Tue 22-Mar-05 14:16:34

I don't know much about ADHD but found this website which you might already have found yourself. It has a helpline number to ring and also contacts for local support groups who might be able to give you some advice. Sorry it's going so badly for you at the minute.

justamom Tue 22-Mar-05 14:18:02

they don't have meds for that? ADHA like ADD? Only more hyper? my daughter is ADD borderline ADHD and she was failing school i mean Ds and Fs....they put her on adderrall (spelling?) but it made he stomach sick then they tried ritalin and she is an A student, literally hardly ever even makes a B...I know lots of people are against meds, heck i was one, but when it is your child's future not a personal opinion at stake,,,,well i would just ask..

sahara Tue 22-Mar-05 14:27:18

I have heard so many horror stories about meds that I fear greatly doing any thing that might cause him risks. And I think that until he is diagnosed as having it, it wouldn't even be an option. Not to say that I wouldn't look into meds more but I am genuinly frightened of hurting him more.

sylvm Tue 22-Mar-05 14:28:28

Try this one too Good luck.

sahara Tue 22-Mar-05 14:37:48

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who replied so far. I have visited the suggested websites and just wanted to say thanks

Jaysmum Fri 25-Mar-05 22:12:38

Sahara.....Bumping this for you .

For what its worth here is my opinion.

1. The LEA are duty bound to provide Link Education for any child who is unable to attend school because of a medical condition.
From what you have written in your email to me, your son is unfit to go to a mainstream school because of his psychological upset. So go to your GP's....tell them what he has tried to attempt.....get GP to write a letter saying your son is unfit to attend school because of his psychological distress. Then send a copy to LEA with a letter formally requesting LINK EDUCATION.The LEA are then duty bound under section 19 of the education act to provide your son with the minimum of 5 hours home education.

2. Your son not being in school because he is excluded means the LEA are responsible for ensuring he receives an education somewhere.

3. Your son NEEDS to be referred to CAMHS immediately.Demand that this is done. If the GP refuses....get back in touch with me and I will point you in the right direction.

4. The statementing process will be slowed down if your son is not in school.....this is not on. The reason your son is out of school is a direct result of the schools failing to meet the needs of a child.

Come on ladies....this mum needs some help....FAST!!!!

Sorry I missed your post.....good job you mailed me because there are so many people here who will be able to help you get this sorted.


Chocol8 Sat 26-Mar-05 09:35:07

Sahara - i'm sorry I missed this thread - I have been offline for a while. My heart goes out to you - I know exactly how you are feeling.

My ds is now 7.5 but he was undx when he was excluded from 2 nurseries when he was young and nearly (alot of fast talking and involving myself in the school events/after school club) expelled from his present school in his first few months there. He was dx at 5 with ADHD and Aspergers (the latter came as a bit of a surprise tbh).

Even though, like you and many others here - the thought of medication was not a good one/not an option, I did my homework and spoke to other Mums whose children were on it, and decided I would trial it.

The difference it made was life changing! He is now on Strattera one a day and although his behaviour can still be bad (we had Bad Friday, not Good Friday yesterday), it is a hell of a lot better than without it!

I know it's hard, but you have to bang on some doors - my ds was dx, then medicated, his school work improved, but then he started self harming so he is under CAMH too now. He generally appears a chatty, charming, well behaved child to the public (except for yesterday).

The website for CAMH is (I run a website but I still can't do links!!!!!) and tells you about ADHD and gives you helplines and organisations to access.

Jaysmum knows her stuff and the information she has posted is wonderful - go for it - I know it's hard but you need help for both your ds and yourself. If we can help and you need just to have a good cry/moan/whinge - we're ya guys so don't hesitate. You are more than welcome to CAT me if you like. Thinking of you. xx

xkezx Sat 26-Mar-05 10:52:40

hi sahara just wanted to say im thinking of you as mum of a child whos autistic i know how fustrating it can be and very hard work on you....i had alot of problems to getting stuff sorted regards his education i found that by going to the education department an speaking to them was the best solution gettting to know one education officer and asking for their help,also my son is on medication which as any mum knows its the last thing you want...for him it makes all the diffence at school he was out of school for months at a time,but each situation is different...i hope that you get things sorted if you ever want to chat i can be contacted at takecare kez

Jaysmum Sat 26-Mar-05 21:48:40

Just bumpety bump bumping......

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