ADHD? all bad?

[missionimpossible]

New to MN. v.v. long story short, my ds2 aged 6 has a dx of ADHD. We are still 'hurting' as we all know the truth does hurt. I can cope with him and hopefully I will cope in the future too. What I have not been told about or have had much luck finding out about is the prognosis of such a condition.

The only info I have is pretty doom and gloom - usually turning to crime, drugs etc later in life. surely, this can't be in every case .

There must be some mums, friends, family members out there who have a different story . Please re-assure me!!

[misscutandstick]

i have a pearler!

my son too is ADHD, hes 16 now.

When he was a baby he had no concentration, by the time he got to 3 it was pretty obvious that there was a problem. It took about 7yrs for a diagnosis - incidentally i was offered ritalin BEFORE dx! DS1 has never been medicated as we felt it wasnt right for him.

By the time he was 8, i could have mercilessly put his head thru a wall!!! , but managed not to - however the dentist had to offer me night protection for my teeth-grinding. some months his behaviour was horrid, and some months worse!

Strategies helped - grab ANY help with both hands, keep calm at all times (as it just made him worse if i got agitated), cut out all additives, ONLY ONE instruction at a time (and wait for processing of that instruction) and invest in a personal DVD player!

DS1 was taken out of school in yr5 (not an option for everyone) but it decreased his agression and frustration 100%, it was SOOOOOOOOO hard, but it was worth it.

He is now 16.... he has a lively sense of humour, is kind, willing, polite, helpful, and NICE! he is a lovely person to be with. OK his topic of conversation is a little dull, and he has some very strange ideas, still very impulsive, and quite 'young' for his age. BUT he is a happy, lovely person... and i really couldnt have imagined being able to say that 5yrs ago.

As for drugs and the like - he understands that his brain isnt quite the same as others, and if he eats the wrong thing (coloured sweets, coke) then it sends him 'wappy' and he can feel it happening. He understands that drugs would have very much more greater undesired effects and is accepting that i couldnt tell him what would happen, but more than likely it wouldnt be good. Hes not interested in alcohol (same reasons) and doesnt feel ready to broach the whole 'girls and sex' subject - as i said, hes very young. But when hes ready im more than happy to chat if he wants.

SO, its not all doom and gloom at all. There are some lovely people who happen to be ADHD, and while a lot do have obsessive/additive personalities - many can be channelled in the right direction - theres a lot that dont either!

PS i once read that " children with ADHD come from 'broken homes'" i remember thinking, "aye, its them that broke em!" Make sure you get the suppoet from ALL family members. {{{HUGS}}} for your journey.

[missionimpossible]

That's lovely to hear. I am interested about the school part - did you home teach? I know I probably have the worse to come yet with behavior, but when I look at him, I don't think he's really that bad. Maybe I am also ADHD - they say allot of the time either parent is. Maybe he's traits aren't so unusual to me as I also find it hard to concentrate/apply myself and have had my fair share of 'impulsive moments' .... what do you think of that?

I'm not at the 'head thru wall' bit yet .... wonder if I ever will be?! I do feel a bit like an 'island" when it comes to family members. I'm not sure they still fully understand the implications of his dx or even want to. However, dh has been a rock and I know he will help me stay grounded throughout. He says "you've gotta .... LAUGH!!"

Blimey, I'm only at the beginning and you are somewhat over the worst by the sounds of it - he sounds like a great young man . Thank you for taking the time to reply.

[dsrplus8]

hiya one of my lot has adhd,this makes him"difficult" and he has lack of concentration at school so is a bit behind his peers. but he is also very popular with the other kids, full of fun, very very funny,(has us all in stitches),bursting with energy and lively and outgoing.hes also dyslexic(just found out) ,(thats 3 out of 4 boys)but hey hes got other talents, makes fantastic crispy cakes,and is supprisingly gentle and caring with his younger siblings,especially dd4.hes nearly 7 and we love him to bits,just the way he is.i dont focus on the negative points with him or dd4 as it gets too bleak sometimes,instead i focus on the positve,our wee adhd boy is stilll our wee boy ,and we are lucky to have him. by the way, hes bloody gorgeous too, just like his dad (same cheeky grin, just melts you )

[dustystar]

Hi and welcome to MN {{{hugs}}} a dx of SN is always difficult - even when you've expected it and have fought hard to get it. Be kind to yourself.

My ds is 8 and has ADHD. He is really hard work at the moment but I have heard lots of people say that with the right support children with ADHD can learn to cope far better with their condition as they get older. I certainly hope they're right I just keep reminidng myself that Michael Phelps, the olympic swimmer who won 5 golds this year, said that his ADHD helped him to become an Olympic champian

[missionimpossible]

Thanks for the {{hugs}}

What type of 'support' do you mean? medication? I have chosen not to give my ds medication for now and am supported by my GP. Am I being naive?

[misscutandstick]

i think Dusty means people: talking, befriending, helping them to choose the right options, helping them make good decisions, NOT holding a grudge and letting past misdemeanors be forgotton, encouraging good behaviour and raising self esteem, that type of thing - but i may be wrong, but thats i what i read into it.

As for us: yes, I home taught him - a good schedule (which was also flexible for when 'those days' and he was just impossible to anything with other than to keep out of trouble manage his behaviour to acceptable tolerance.) plenty of variety of short lessons (CGP are brill!), lots of 'on location' work, including doing lessons in the garden if necessary. He is now at college part-time, and will be full time next year.

incidentally, family traits: maternal grandmother AS, Maternal Grandfather ADHD, Paternal grandmother ADHD, Mother ASD traits, Father ASD traits...

[dustystar]

I did mean people yes. However I do think that sometimes medication can be very helpful too. It depends on the circumstances really and behavioural strategies should always be tried first.

When ds first started having problems I was very against the idea of giving him medication and we tried for 3 1/2 years using behaviour management techniques and diet etc. However for us it got to the point about this time last year where ds was still having significant problems at home and at school because of his ADHD type behaviour and so we decided to try the medication route. Its not a magic bullet for us by any means but has helped him enough for it to be worth continuing with IMO.

[missionimpossible]

misscutandstick what is 'CGP' ? Really interesting what you said about family traits .... blimey, I could right a book about ours - both sides!! Did you include medication as part of your ds's treatment? If so, what age was he when he started?

My ds is very manageable at the moment. I think my main concern is it all getting much, much worse as he gets older .. I spose it depends on the individual and the chosen method of 'treatment' ?

I'm a bit scared though

[misscutandstick]

im sorry you feel like that, but honestly its not that 'they' turn into little horrors overnight, you get plenty of time to adjust, take stock and rethink strategies that arent working.

sorry, ive made it sound like 'cgp' is some kind of wonder therapy its nothing so grand! its the name of the book publisher that make the educational books that i used when home-tutoring .

I think that DS1 got a little more ADHD'ish up to being around 8/9y, then it plateau'd a bit till being around 12ish, then his behaviour has improved since, hes still as impulsive as ever, but i dont think thats going to change, but i can live with that.

I was told that through puberty he may get better, and he did. Though i understand that some dont and some become slightly more 'testosterone-y' IYGWIM before settling down and becoming more reasonable again after the majority of puberty is over.

Just a little thought while we are on the subject. During the start of puberty DS1 had several (about 5 or 6) 'seizures' which have thankfully stopped. I had all sorts of tests done and no answer was ever found. until a few months back when i chanced upon a little website that described exactly his situation! how strange that NONE of his docs at the time knew anything about it!!! According to some research some ADHD boys MAY have some seizures through puberty - something to do with the brain electric stuff and hormones - and its more likely to happen to those boys who were not verbal before age 3 (DS1 didnt talk and make sense before he was around 4.5y).

The docs insisted they could not possibly have been seizures, but I KNOW WHAT I SAW, it was as if his brain had 'crashed' (in the computer sense) and was 'rebooting'. On every occasion it knocked him out for the whole day - SLEEPING for most of the day.... Yes a child with ADHD sleeping for most of the day! i didnt know wether to be terrified.... or delighted!!! But hes fine now, has'nt had one in about 2yrs.

Try not to worry now (easy to say i know!), but enjoy him for who he is and take each month/day as it comes. It really might not happen (as they say) and he might stay pretty much as he is right now... who knows. XXX

[missionimpossible]

Interesting about 'non-verbal'. Ds2 had what was described as 'moderate' speech delay by a SALT (no therapy or follow-up was needed). He started to really take-off at about 3-4. Did it take long for your ds1 to become articulate with good pronunciation?

I think my ds2 sounds immature both with speech and language compared to his peers . But that's one area all the 'powers that be' don't think he needs help with

Sorry to ask sooooo many questions, sound a bit like a policeman , but I'm getting more practical info' from MN's then anywhere else!

[magso]

Missionimpossible would agree with Misscutandstick try not to look too far into the future! The important thing is that your son has been diagnosed with a neurobiological disorder that is better understood today than when the adults of the doom and gloom statistics were growing up surrounded by ignorance and innappropriate castigation. That Dx should help guide the people around our kids and give them the understanding they need to survive into happy adulthood.
Ps my son did not have enough language to be considered suitable for SALT. Basically it had to be on his statement to get salt - so I can appreciate your frustration.

[missionimpossible]

A BIG THANK YOU No doubt you haven't heard the last of me ......

[misscutandstick]

DS1's speech was a little peculiar. He had sounds - proper syllables even, but they never went together quite right. And it never made any sense. It was so convincing people would ask me if he was bi-ligual, and what language he was speaking. But if you werent listening too hard, it did sound like proper speech. He only had 2 salt appts, which didnt do anything (but we are talking 12yrs ago). He didnt start making sounds until he was 2. by 5yrs he could be understood by most people, but it didnt always make grammatical sense. he still sounded young at 6, but getting better by 7/8.

His speech is fine now - but often he will use a word that isnt quite right. His tone isnt quite right either, and the expression as hes talking often doesnt match to what hes saying.

I dont mind the questions at all, DS5 is only 2 and has problems too - so i understand the need for answers too

[magso]

I really wished I had found MN earlier because I had questions that were sidestepped (or in the case of school given frankly wrong answers like 'we are meeting your childs needs'!) by professionals! Ds (9 ASD/ADHD) understanding and speech has come on a lot in the last year (since his statement and weekly salt) and now sounds like a preschool child. I can usually understand him but his selection of words can be unusual! He seems to forget how to pronounce common words too - like he is learning a second language.