How on earth to get ds to walk with me and not run ahead. Jimjams, are you around?

[kettlechip]

I started a thread a week or so back pleading for help getting ds1 to walk besides me when out and about. We've tried reins, he hates them, he also won't go in a buggy. It's got to the stage where I have to carry him into preschool or clamp his hand while he writhes and screams, and often just decides to lie down in the road. It's really stressful and has only been happening for a few weeks, but it's made me wary of taking him out anywhere on my own (with ds2 in the buggy) as I just can't risk that he'll run into a road.

It's not so much that he runs off, just that he wants to be independent and run on ahead if he knows where we're going. Jimjams (and anyone else reading this!) I've heard you cracked this one with your ds, can you help me please?

[hunnybun1981]

my daughter hates reins too but what i did was get a wrist strap with the lond lead effect but instead of putting it on her wrist she decided she would just like to hold it on her own so she held one end and me the other gave her the independence but just not too far that i couldnt grab her if need be.

u nearly need to say so; can you hold that for mummy pet? but it worked

good luck

xx

[kettlechip]

thanks hunnybun, just ordered a wrist strap to try. I keep thinking I just need to ride it out, and the tantrums may stop once he's used to walking with me but it's such a battle of wills at the moment, and I just can't let him win!

[hunnybun1981]

well worth a try and yes your so right u can not let him win, but it should be enjoyable for you to walk together kids eh lol

another thing you could maybe do is

if you have pictures of say leaves, birds, cars, lights etc or print some of the net and try it out even on a weekend when ur not rushed for time.

put them on a small visual board of some description and try to get him to see what he can tick of as he walks it will keep him occupied and he wont be thinking about running anywhere

let us know how u get on

[jimjamshaslefttheyurt]

He sounds little still. When ds1 was small we used this

from Crelling

It was pretty good tbh (he wouldn't tolerate a wrist strap).

When we were ready to teach him he was older. So I walked next to him and my 2 paid volunteers walked in front. Each time he went to run off they sort of closed him off and brought him back to me as I said "walk at my speed". We also practice 'stop'. I said it and my 2 helpers prevented him running off. He was about 8 then though.

He does know that near cars he holds hands and if he runs off I'll hold his wrist.

[lingle]

sorry this is still going on Kettle.

How about buying a cheap buggy (not a toy) from Argos that he can push - with his toy in perhaps? It would need to be umbrella style ie can fold up small enough for you to put across your little one's buggy.

We use a cheapy cheapy buggy. DS2 has gone through phases of refusing to sit in it but liked pushing it.

During the terrible twos, this meant that he was at least slower and easier to find because he was pushing it along.

Sounds like this is really affecting your days at the moment but I very hopeful it's a phase that will end soon.

[magso]

I only have one child (now 9 ASD/LD) but he hated constraints and handholding so I really sympathise. (I had my finger dislocated a couple of times when he jerked sharply away). I always chose coats with a stitched on hood for him as they make good handles for dcs who really object to hand holding! He was about 8 before he learned to walk alongside and hold hands.
I used reigns (actually progressed to a child climbing harness once reins would not fit - but the crelling harness looks better) with an extension sling (adjustable to short or long)to give greater freedom to run a little ahead in parks etc. Friends laughed at the 'DS lead'!!
Lingles post reminded me of the toybuggy - (initially borrowed from a little girl from preschool who mothered him) filled with dinosaurs/ conkers or whichever obsession at the time! We walked along (for practice -to and from nursery) with other mothers and their dds all pushing toy buggies. If ds ran off he was plonked in the real buggy (easier with only one I know) for a few minutes. But actually the toybuggy worked a treat most of the time. Folded up it fitted over the top of the real buggy, toys folded inside. Worked up till nearly 5.
He could slip a wrist strap and hated it. Goodluck

[magso]

Ps I think ds problem with handholding or a wrist strap is that he instinctively fought/ pulled away from it and with his sensory difficulties - well they hurt him! He recently burst into tears when I insisted he carry his own coat - he asked if I could carry it once his arms hurt! and I realise that when he holds things he still breaks things because he holds too tight. He likes pushing the shopping trolley now.

[kettlechip]

Update alert! Dare I hope we've cracked it? After a fortnight of pure hell, and delivering a snotty, screaming child into preschool each morning (from what should have been a 30 second walk from the car to the door) I honestly thought it would never end.
But - for the past 4 days in a row, he's held my hand and walked really nicely into nursery. No tears, no fuss or resistance. HOORAY!!!! My mornings are so much more pleasant, I do hope it lasts.

Thanks to everyone for their advice, Lingle, the buggy idea works a treat, he loves to push ds2 and that worked really well on a busy Saturday shopping this weekend. Magso, I've found that stitched on hoods have saved me a few times too.. !

[magso]

Brilliant! Well done - long may it continue!

[lingle]

Good. Our boys have clearly been conferring again. I guess they like to feel grownup.