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Feel very isolated

(14 Posts)
pramspotter Thu 20-Nov-08 18:29:15

I have 3 children. One has aspergers syndrome (ds1) and dd age 5 has partial hearing loss and wears hearing aids. My youngest ds does not have any difficulties but I feel like other mums just want to stay away from us. I want to ask about play dates but feel very self conscious doing so.

It seems as if people i.e. friends and parents of ds's friends started backing away from us as soon as it became more and more obvious that ds1 was different. He is a sweet happy kid and wouldn't hurt a fly but he is very quirky. I wish someone would give him a chance.

Just had to get that off my chest.

PipinJo Thu 20-Nov-08 18:45:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

melmamof3 Thu 20-Nov-08 19:07:33

Huge hugs to you!

I often feel the same if its any consolation. None of my "friends" seem to bother with me since my ds2 was dx with ASD. I find it especially hard at half term time.

Are there any groups in your area that are just for AS/ASD children?

Pipinjo is right. This is a very supportive forum for parents with SN kids, and its a great place to let off steam as well!

pramspotter Thu 20-Nov-08 19:40:22

Thank you for your kind words. I am feeling a bit better. I think that part of the problem is that I need to be more proactive.

pramspotter Thu 20-Nov-08 19:44:02

Thank you for your kind words. I am feeling a bit better. I think that part of the problem is that I need to be more proactive. I'm a bit shy myself.

We don't have any as/asd groups in the area but I recently got ds into karate. He loves it and is doing really well and there are other kids there with similiar issues. He loves the discipline and the exercise even if it is a bit awkward for him. DS and DH just came through the door a few minutes ago from karate and dh is telling me that ds seems to have a made a little friend there tonight. Fingers crossed.

PipinJo Thu 20-Nov-08 21:01:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amber32002 Fri 21-Nov-08 07:28:40

People who 'don't want to know' about being friends with children who are different are the ones who miss out, I think. So pleased he's made a friend at Karate. We tend to make friends through hobbies and shared interests, not 'play', so finding something he loves to do, and letting him play alongside someone or do a shared task with them is always going to be what he loves (rather than parties or chatting to other children). But there's more than just him, so finding something that fits all of you is quite a challenge. I find the people here are lovely. Keep talking with

HelensMelons Fri 21-Nov-08 09:13:58

Found the same thing - as it became more obvious that DS2 was 'different' on the one hand I backed off because I found the 'differences' hard to manage when I compared him to children of his own age (don't do that anymore) but I also felt that some of my 'friends' were frightened of 'catching' asd and just thought of my collective children as a nightmare.

I still haven't found a balance - but I also have to think about what DS2 needs he can get stressed in some social situations.

This forum has been excellent, I don't always post but it's always informative and supportive.

mabanana Fri 21-Nov-08 09:41:42

Yes, it is isolating for many of us. I feel out of the loop at ds's school as the others all know each other so well because of the playdate circuit, which ds isn't on. What I have started doing is inviting other slightly marginal (if you know what aI mean, the less popular ones) children for tea, which has been very successful. They and their parents are very grateful, and most of them are utterly charming and sweet.

Tclanger Fri 21-Nov-08 10:12:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pramspotter Fri 21-Nov-08 10:21:12

That's exactly it Mabanana. I feel like I am out of the loop.

I met a lovely little boy who is the same age as ds and in the same year at ds's school. They were in reception together. We ran into him in town and he was really friendly towards ds. He sat with ds as he was taking the same bus home as we were. Might pluck up the courage to ask if he can come over. I think I need social stories as well LOL.

pramspotter Fri 21-Nov-08 10:22:13

I won't go into some of the negative things that have happened because I am trying to be positive but I have seen other mums on the playground making really rude faces at DS when he is spinning and flapping etc. It's knocked my confidence a bit.

sloppysoupdragon Wed 14-Sep-11 12:59:13

Hi. I know this is an old thread that i have picked up on, but I have had exactly the same experience with my son who has been extremely challenging to manage and have had little or no support from family and while the school has been great the social scene outside has been lets say difficult, this has in my opinion actually contributed to my sons difficulties. he is much better socially now, but mud can stick sometimes. You don't say whereabouts you live - we live in Gloucestershire. We have used a number of complementary therapies which have worked really well I would be happy to elaborate further if you are interested in this.

effiegrey2 Wed 14-Sep-11 14:52:09

See thread I'm so anxious for my recent experience; my family are fine (but as that consists of my mum, older children and dh it is not loads of people), but the general public..........
We did better when in a multi cultural enviroment, generaly more tolerant, not hugely so, but at least people didn't treat us as though we were catching!

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