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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

Now......whats the funniest/rudest thing another person has said you you RE your child...

(43 Posts)
anniebear Wed 16-Mar-05 20:40:53

I really enjoyed reading about the funniest things a Dr has said to you

So thought I would start another about what other people have said

I am not sure if a similar thread was done a while ago, sorry if it was!

Up to now, we have not really had any comments about Ellie, I am waiting for them though.........Its called paranoia I think!!!

The only one I can think of is......

Because Ellie has a statement she and Grace got the first places in the local School (lots applied so not everyone got in)

A relative of mine was worried her child would not get in and referred to Ellie as a 'special case'

She didn't mean anything nasty by it but I didn't think it was a very nice choice of words

Jimjams Wed 16-Mar-05 20:43:05

I've been asked on several occasions whether he needs a wheelchair (???!) er no- that would be why he's scaling that wall over there without any problems.

Jaysmum Wed 16-Mar-05 20:44:31

"So when will he grow out of it?".....arghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Mud Wed 16-Mar-05 20:44:46

I think its very difficult to use any phrase nowadays without someone taking offence

Ellie is special isn't she ?(as is Grace no doubt), Ellie & BGrace got preferred treatment in school placement due to her statement, isn't special case the right term?

Blossomhill Wed 16-Mar-05 20:53:01

Well we have had

When talking to an (ex) friend of dh's when he came to dinner. We started talking about dd and he said my nephew has sn. I was like "Really, what sn has he got?"
Prats reply was "Oh he's like dd you know not quite the full ticket"

I said excuse me. He was like "you know what I mean"

I hate the ba$stard with a passion.

Blossomhill Wed 16-Mar-05 20:54:18

Mud - no it isn't really the right phrase. I hate it when people go on about dd being special and special children go to special babies becasue it's not true!
Yes she is very, very special to me and my family but no mroe so then her brother!!!

macwoozy Wed 16-Mar-05 20:54:31

I've had a few words said by my relatively new neighbours recently. My ds has ASD, and when I explained to them that sometimes he's not purposely being defiant, he just can't understand alot of whats being said to him, the neighbour immediately said in a rather nasty tone " no, he can understand alot with whats being said to him". Excuse me, but I think I know more about my son in five years, than what you've seen in a few months. Last week, when I spoke to his wife, she asked if he had ADHD, and when I explained that he had a form of autism, she dismissed it as if that was irrelevant.
Maybe I've got a touch of paranoia too!

maddiemo Wed 16-Mar-05 20:56:15

I am often asked what special talent my autistic son has.

Cod Wed 16-Mar-05 20:57:29

Message withdrawn

Mud Wed 16-Mar-05 20:58:49

yet 'special needs' is ok?

not trying to be obtuse, trying to understand

macwoozy Wed 16-Mar-05 20:59:11

I've had that said to me as well maddiemo.

Blossomhill Wed 16-Mar-05 20:59:41

I just know what Annie bear means by not liking it, that's all

Jimjams Wed 16-Mar-05 21:00:20

oh and of course the crap about Einstein not talking until blah blah blah.

And yes the special talent one.

Jimjams Wed 16-Mar-05 21:02:08

special needs is OK as its a descriptive term.

I really really hate with a passion " special children go to special parents" and as someone said on here once I want to say "oh really I thought anyone could have them?"

eidsvold Wed 16-Mar-05 21:14:38

oh yes - that one about special children going to special parents etc....

ANother one that you often hear used in relation to people with downs syndrome is - they are always sooo happy and soooo loving...... yeh right - come to my house when dd1 has to go to bed and doesn't want to - my goodness I have seen children and teenagers with ds throw the best tantrums and get angry. It just makes me laugh when people say that to me.

On a positive note I find it amazing the number of people who stop to chat with dd1 when we are out shopping. Like they have a choice when she is saying HIYA loudly and waving madly and then grabs their shirt on the way past.... they have to stop and talk. Most people are great and smile or shake her hand etc. You get some that spring back and look as if she has the plague. I am frantically telling her everytime that saying hello is okay but we don't grab people. Only to have the nice friendly people say - don't worry - no harm done, isn't she gorgeous. I also find it amazing the number of people who have children or siblings or some relative with downs syndrome and they will stop and chat about dd1 and tell me about their relative and it is nice.

The best for me I shared in another thread BUT will share again as it defies understanding. After a very stressful shopping trip - when all I needed was for the checkout operator to scan and pack my stuff and let me get home - I had this woman going on and on at dd1 about how much trouble she is giving me. The longer you take to scan love the longer she will persist in this. The checkout operator then turns to me and asks....

so do they know what her learning capabilities will be?????

what I just looked at her stunned and turned away to put the groceries into the trolley. Even now thinking back - what a bizarre thing to say - I don't know this woman and I am not going to discuss that with her.

rivers Wed 16-Mar-05 21:25:12

I hate it when people realise that DD is the same as any three yr old depite not being able to speak and say to me that I am lucky that she is 'all there' and I really don't like when people start saying what a shame that my DD has special needs and how I must be so special to cope with it all!!
Also I would really not like anyone to refer to my DD as a special case!!

anniebear Wed 16-Mar-05 21:32:08

As I said, she wasn't being nasty

It just doesn't sound that nice.

Special needs is fine to use, that is the name that is used constantly.

After all, is this group entitled "Special Cases"? Or special needs?

How many would like it to be called 'special Cases'?!!! It doesn't sound nice at all does it put like that?

It just makes her sound a bit odd, I dunno, special case..head case?!!

In fact it is me that is the head case!!!

She wasn't being horrible or funny (although visibly put out that my two have took two precious places!!!!!)

I fully understand that parents who haven't got SN children may struggle how to word things, Just don't call my child a Case!!!

anniebear Wed 16-Mar-05 21:36:35

Just re read my post

The last bit could be taken in a different way to what I meant!!

I wasn't telling anybody here not to "call my child a case" (but don't lol!)

Was just in general!!!

ThomCat Wed 16-Mar-05 22:35:37

A woman in Woolworths did a massive double take when she saw Lottie, came rushing back round to the front of the buggy, threw her arms up in the air and said "oh look, a special child', and then she kind of dissappeared!

geekgrrl Wed 16-Mar-05 22:44:24

when I was pg with ds (baby no.3) and had my 20 wk scan the sonographer apologised that they didn't detect dd2's heart defect or any DS markers because then 'I could have done something about it'.
I think I was lucky dd was at nursery and not with me for the scan - that woman would have probably offered to strangle her for me there and then.

Jimjams Thu 17-Mar-05 06:43:54

From ds1's first (evil) nursery:

"you must be tallking over him" and

"he has to talk, he has to talk, what if he ends up stuck in a cupboard or something we won't know where he is"

WTF??? stuck in a cupboard??? what sort of nursery were they running.

Anyway aged almost 6 - still can't talk, but luckily has managed to avoid getting stuck in a cupboard- don't know what we'd do if he did!

KarenThirl Thu 17-Mar-05 07:03:13

Special needs v special case. IMO 'special case' makes it sound impersonal, as though the child isn't a child but an entry on a register. 'Special Needs' still reflects the child's individuality but acknowledges that s/he has particular requirements that her peers might not. Is that close to the mark, Anniebear?

anniebear Thu 17-Mar-05 07:15:21

yes!! thanks KarenThirl

explained much better than myself!!!!!!!!!!!

lynny70 Thu 17-Mar-05 09:12:42

Message deleted

MandM Thu 17-Mar-05 11:37:54

Slight off thread but one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me about dd was my best friend who a few weeks ago said to me "I know she's got cp but what's the name of that other thing she's got?" I, getting ever so slightly irate, said to her "Well God help me if you don't even know!" Her answer: "Yes but I never think about it, to me she's just Marley".

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