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Need help interpreting an aspect of aspergers behaviour pease?

(11 Posts)
Freeview1akaPeachy Fri 17-Oct-08 16:01:29

DS1 has been telling school every time he hurts someone that it's payvback or revenge. We've been called in to discuss his need for this revenge and wante to know of any thoughts? I am worried.

It doesn't need to be anything much to get major consequences- or even be something anyone can see. there's little point (thogh I try) asking him why he does this, what makes him angry etc- no reply any time.

His payback can be very aggressive and school have already expelled one kid this week in a new purge on aggression.... dont' want ds1 to be next!

I get the social interpretation thing- if someone knowcks im by mistake his ASD causes him to misintepret it entirely due to a lack of inderstanding of cause and effect, social situations.

His dx btw is AS / HFA

TIA

Tiggiwinkle Fri 17-Oct-08 16:46:06

I expect you have tried social stories?

Would the school be allowed to expel him given that he has a dx? Surely they should be working with you to try and solve the problem?

Marne Fri 17-Oct-08 16:53:57

we have a simalar problem with dd (as), but she does'nt get violent, she just crys and screems as soon as anyone brushes by or knocks her.

Freeview1akaPeachy Fri 17-Oct-08 18:44:50

I don't know how expulsion works? As for working with- well the SENCO is fab but she has been away, the new class etacher has never once met us- she doesn't go into the playground before school and there's no other chance, well until now (you don't hand them over to class, they line in the schoolyard and march in)

I did think- he likes lists. He also often says that he tries to tell / go for help and nobody listens (there's quite a teasing culture at school, both will say I couldn't eat lunch because they all laughed at me, eve if t school dinners- today they each had a different one of the 2 options, both got laughed at hmm)

Anyway if the school dinner ladies won't help then maybe people who upset him he cold list in a pad and then go over with his 1-1 if she has time (he only has 10 hrs). He'd feel they were doings omething and taking seriously so maybe he'd not feel he had to do it iyswim? Then it might also help him show the extent of the bullying that does happen- I know that he is violent but equally I know he gets a lot of picking on too.

Freeview1akaPeachy Fri 17-Oct-08 18:45:32

Anyway does that idea sound sensible?

s/ stories- we have done some, school were supposed to but that was under the temp SENCO- will ask about that, ta

Tiggiwinkle Fri 17-Oct-08 21:59:52

The list idea certainly sounds like it would be worth a try. The writing down might be enough to distract him from lashing out and as you say if he can go through it with someone he may feel his "grievances" are being addressed as well.
Does he have somewhere quiet he can "escape" to if he feels the need to get away from the other children?

mum24boyz Sat 18-Oct-08 06:40:34

freeview yeah the list sounds ok, we had trouble with ds3 at holiday club, managed to get him in one and then he nearly got thrown out, he became violent and other kids were scared of him and this is so not like him, we couldnt get to why, i think it was just the change in kids etc, and i think at school cos he is so cute he perhaps gets away with a little more than he should, all the kids love him, so to be challenged was new to him and he didnt like it. i tried to explain he was being a bully, this really upset him, so we got him to write down everytime something upset him. it helps you to understand what is happening and also does serve as a distraction. i also wonder where he has the terminology payback from though hun, has someone done something to him and told him that, and he has got a bit fixated on it. i defo think the teasing needs to be looked at, as that is bullying aswell. good luck with it

Peachy Sat 18-Oct-08 13:41:21

(its Peachy LOL, freeview was just for tanya byron chat purposes as dictated by MN)

Peachy Sat 18-Oct-08 13:41:21

(its Peachy LOL, freeview was just for tanya byron chat purposes as dictated by MN)

mum24boyz Sun 19-Oct-08 07:48:32

ah ok, soz i thought it was but not been around for ages so thought i might have missed something lol.

MUM23ASD Sun 19-Oct-08 18:26:30

this is a problem we still have with ds2 (12)

It does not seem to matter how many times i explain the concept of 'accidently getting hurt' by someone- he still flys off into rage.

also, if there is a dispute- and he's NEVER wrong...he is insistent that I PUNISH whoever he feels is at fault.

Usually, he makes such a fuss (needs so much 1:1 calming etc) that HE is the one who ends up getting all the attention...and the one that MAY have STARTED IT has gone of to do something else.

I've tried explaining to him that i cannot go off to TELL SOMEONE OFF if HE is throwing himself onto the floor, or slapping his face. I HAVE to make him safe first. (also worried as he seems to be throwing objects more now)

another good example- if i were carrying a tray of cups- and he knocked me- and i spilt drinks- he would not accept any of the blame for 'accidently' knocking me....he sees it as purely MY fault! However when asking him him to 'put himself in the shoes of the child which accidently knocked him'....trying to explain that its the same as when he has 'accidently'knocked the cup of tea tray... and he sees me at fault... however he still cannot see himself at fault- nore anyone else doing something accidently.

hope that makes sense!

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