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just had parents evening i could have slapped ds teacher!

(20 Posts)
trace2 Tue 14-Oct-08 18:04:26

well i know am stressed as dd is just out of hospital but we went to school for parent evening and we have to take the kids no one for them and she said to my ds go sit over there so we can talk but ds refussed we tried talking to him but he had a massive paddy she them looked at thre other teacher with disgust as though its our fault hes like this then said hes never like this in school so maybe its is home life and then said i still can not see your ds as AS there is no sign of it in school. and went on to say your ds is fantasticat maths but not v good at writing as theres lots of chiulden like that. i went on to tell her i have an app next week with cahms and ill let her know what happens she then said well from what you said he needs no help at school hes just likeany kids who can not sit still and looking at the other teacher once more as though they had been talking.

i know feel like its alll my fault its his upbring i feel like a bad mum, i have came out crying

TheodoresMummy Tue 14-Oct-08 18:11:51

How f**king rude !!! shock

Even if it were true then that's no way to speak to somebody !!

Obviously it is not true tho !!

My DS is far worse with me than anyone else and the professionals at his DX said this is quite normal as with NT children - they will push the people they feel safe and comfortable.

KerryMumchingOnEyeballs Tue 14-Oct-08 18:17:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trace2 Tue 14-Oct-08 18:20:03

am now feeling angry and hurt

trace2 Tue 14-Oct-08 18:24:31

hes not a monster or a bad boy we know hes diffrent ! we have had a verble dx for AS hes only like this under certain situations like these evenings its his traits what gives him away

KerryMumchingOnEyeballs Tue 14-Oct-08 18:25:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 14-Oct-08 18:46:43


This is terrible behaviour on the part of the teacher and unprofessional to boot - who is she to say she can't see your DS as AS as there is no sign in school. Its just sheer ignorance on their part honestly.

Many children with AS can keep a lid on emotions at school but let their frustrations only shown when they are not there. I would also look into getting a Statement for him as this will provide extra support in school (school can be very hard indeed).

Good luck with the appointment with CAMHS next week however, I would also try and see a developmental pead via your GP as well as this lot as I have heard very mixed reports about CAMHS. Hopefully the ones in your area are okay.

wannaBe Tue 14-Oct-08 18:47:19

hello trace smile

I don't think KM was implying that your ds is a monster at home - I think she was referring to her own ds as a monster at home and an angel at school.

Imo you need to separate the way the teacher spoke to you from the message she was trying to give you.

The way she spoke to you was wrong. There's no question of that.

But essentially the message she was trying to give you is a positive one - that the behaviors you have been experiencing at home have not been seen at school. That is a positive thing. It says that your ds is settled and happy at school, that the issues wrt his AS have not appeared at school and therefore there isn't anything to be concerned about wrt his education.

She's also gone on to say that maybe the issued are at home (and again she did say it in the most tactless way possible), but it would be true to say that there are currently issues at home that might be unsettling him? Your dd has had lots of problems and has been in and out of hospital, that must have upset your ds' routines and caused him to feel unsettled perhaps?

None of this is anyone's fault.

It's not the issues at home that have caused your ds to have AS, it's the fact that your ds has AS thhat have made the issues at home that much harder to deal with.

You are in a difficult place right now. But rather than see parents evening as a negative experience, take from it the positive things your ds' teacher has said about him, and put the negative down to her obviously just being devoid of communication skills.


magso Tue 14-Oct-08 19:05:29

Wow that was uncalled for on the part of the teacher! It is so hard when parental instinct tells you one thing and people in authority refuse to see it. Ds is at his worst in these situations ie when there is confusion as to who is in charge. In school it is school staff in his eyes and he would already be very uneasy at having home people in school IYSWIM. His reception teacher said infront of other parents he just needs to get used to the word NO! blush ( Ps he now does have a Dx of autism and SLD so he really did have a problem with processing all instructions at 4 - the point I was trying to make at the time).
So I can guess how you feel! (hug)

trace2 Tue 14-Oct-08 19:09:40

AttilaTheMeerkat thank you ds had the verble dx from a developmental pead but he had to refee ds tro cahms i also we talking of going the private route to, i was toldlast week i should still go for a statement, but just dont know where to start.

wanabe as always you are v good at explaining and putting down in writing as i can never do, and yes we ds as been through lots with dd in out of hospital and tbh we was scared thats what they would say so didnt do it sooner ( going to gp) untill a freind teacher of ours mentioned AS then went to see developmental pead at hospital who gave ds a vdx and as for the teacher shes new senco teacher but didnt know anything about AS when i went to her, but ds is classed as the quiet child who sits at the back of class and gets on with his work, but ds comes home crying most days about how he wants to join in and have friends but carnt and he really wants to do things likw show and tell.

and yes i am sressed and am taking things the wrong way but i didnt like the look she gave his old teacher as he was playing up and as for blaming his home life we do every thing for ds as we do for dd they are not treated any diffrent as both have needs but diffrent

bullet123 Tue 14-Oct-08 19:42:42

When I was a child my behaviour at school was as follows:
1: Lots and lots of daydreaming.
2: Rarely initiated anything
3: Up until age 10 I could play chase and make dens and sing songs with the other children. After that the gap got too big for me to be able to mix easily.
4: Very quiet, especially in class. Unable to easily ask for help. Occassional wetting and soiling of self.
5: Stimming, mainly handflapping.
6: Would do work as asked, good at English, poor at maths. Terrible handwriting. Headteacher of second primary school (ironically the one I was most comfortable in) told my parents that whilst I was academically able he would not put me forward for the 11+ as he didn't think I could understand or cope with the exam. NB, HT was very much one for telling parents the truth, so if I wasn't academically able he would have made that clear.

At home I:
1: Did all of the above. But I also had terrible tantrums, would lash out at my sisters, would scream, had more toileting accidents. May have stimmed more, don't remember.
The point of the matter is, is that I was far more able, in my home environment to let it be known when I was angry at something.

luckylady74 Tue 14-Oct-08 20:27:54

My ds1 has as and his behaviour at school has been described as 'impeccable' this week. At home we have screaming, tantrums, fighting and so on. Nt children can keep a lid on it at school and let it out at home too.
Your ds's teacher was wrong to so outspokenly disagree with you about an expert's opinion and it's rude to exchange looks with another person whilst having a conversation.
My ds's teacher is shocked and sympathetic to hear of ds's behaviour at home/ on the back from school and said she will try to wear him out more in the afternoon to see if that helps! That is how a reasonable compassionate human responds.
You will at least have a dx to support your request for help if cahms dx him.
I hope you have more support from your ds's teacher in future.

Kazann Tue 14-Oct-08 22:06:22

No wonder you are upset why are some of these teachers so tactless i think they all need special needs training, silly woman who does she think she is im going of on one because i have been upset most of the day with staff at my DD school and now i can feel the angry period creeping up on me which will probably catch up with you tomorrow.
Take care and hugs i really relate to how you are feeling

Tiggiwinkle Tue 14-Oct-08 22:24:35

It is very, very common for children with AS to present a totally different picture at school to the way they are at home. And no, I do not think it necessarily means they are happy and settled in school. Rather that they are often acutely stressed in school-they bottle all the anxiety and stress up and as soon as they are home they often explode. They feel safe at home and able to let all those feelings out.
It is also very common for teachers to deny there are any problems! They are often ignorant as to the symptoms and have no knowledge of AS anyway. Don't let the teacher upset you. I have two DSs with AS by the way!

trace2 Wed 15-Oct-08 09:05:29

thank you for imput i waas going to put a complaint in, but decided ill wait till i get the dx

MUM23ASD Wed 15-Oct-08 09:45:02

i get sick and tired of people NOT qualified to diagnose AS...DIAGNOSING it!!!

My 3 boys are all AS...all different...and if one more person at school mumbles how "X is nothing like Y = Cannot therefore have AS"....I will join you TRACE2 in a 'Teacher Slapping Frenzy"

Kazann Wed 15-Oct-08 10:49:10

HERE HERE MUM23ASD lets all have a slapping frenzy some ( not all of these teachers) are no help at all and havent got a clue that there is no strong and fast rules about symptoms of ASD I am still learning myself but have learnt loads these past few weeks mainly from mums on here and you and your 3 DDs are a perfect example im sure of how different these children can be.

Kazann Wed 15-Oct-08 10:50:25

HERE HERE MUM23ASD lets all have a slapping frenzy some ( not all of these teachers) are no help at all and havent got a clue that there is no strong and fast rules about symptoms of ASD I am still learning myself but have learnt loads these past few weeks mainly from mums on here and you and your 3 DDs are a perfect example im sure of how different these children can be.

Kazann Wed 15-Oct-08 10:51:51

sorry that mess went twice got a bit over excited with the mouse

cory Wed 15-Oct-08 11:05:21

I'll volunteer to come and run them over with dd's wheelchair. (all the times I've had school staff telling me there's nothing wrong with dd...angry)

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