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Life changing decision

(21 Posts)
streakybacon Sat 11-Oct-08 06:51:01

Another rotten day at school on Thursday with ds in complete meltdown when I went to pick him up, and an almost-argument with the Head when I reprimanded her for allowing this to happen repeatedly by not having any preventative strategies in place. Told her there's no way he'll cope with the residential trip as she's left it too late to plan for - it's only 3 weeks away and there's a week of half term in there too. Ds was bursting with rage while in the classroom but when we went to get his coat he utterly crumbled, sobbing his heart out and clinging to me. It was heartbreaking. Don't know how I managed to get him to the car as he wouldn't let me touch him and there were lorries racing along the road and I was very worried for his safety.

I kept him off school yesterday, took him to the GP who signed him off for next week with 'extreme emotional distress'. Ds was relieved that he didn't have to go straight back and would have time to settle down.

The whole episode has forced my hand. I can't put him back into that situation, knowing that he's going to be given no support and will likely suffer this much distress every day. So I'm taking him out of school altogether to home ed. It's a drastic decision, not one I've taken lightly, but because of the crisis situation I've had to act urgently.

I've talked to ds about it and surprisingly he's thrilled by the idea, not even worried about missing the residential trip because the pros outweigh the cons so much. I have support of family and friends (though dh isn't keen and he's been on shiftwork this week so we haven't had much opportunity to discuss it), but he will come round. I'll send in the deregistration letter next week and ds will leave at half term, as he's said he wants to try going back for the last week to say goodbye properly to his friends and give them his phone number etc. He's made some good friendships there and it would be a shame to end them.

I'm so disappointed and quite shocked that it's come to this. This is supposed to be a really excellent school for asd children with a great reputation, yet they've failed him in such a basic and avoidable way.

Thanks to all who've given me support during our crisis period. I'm sure I'll be needing you again, as well as those wise sages on the HE board.

amber32002 Sat 11-Oct-08 07:35:08

Heck...just wanted to add a message of support for you. What a situation for him re the school... sad

PheasantPlucker Sat 11-Oct-08 07:41:58

Good luck with your decision, very brave. Hope you get lots fo support.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 11-Oct-08 08:40:27

Very sorry to read what has happened to you both.

Good luck too with Home Ed - Education Otherwise is very good and there is an informative Home Ed section on Mumsnet's pages too.

With best wishes

Attila x

onwardandupward Sat 11-Oct-08 09:11:24

You poor things - I am so sorry you've been let down like this.

The support network you might want immediately is the HE-special needs group, who can be found here (they have an email group as well as the website)

needmorecoffee Sat 11-Oct-08 09:19:53

good luck with Home ed. I took my ASD child out of school at 6 after years of trauma. Best thing I ever did. At 13 he had changed enough to go back and is coping very well.

Widemouthfrog Sat 11-Oct-08 09:44:17

So sorry to hear it came to this. You've made a very brave decision. Good luck.

TotalChaos Sat 11-Oct-08 09:46:25

Sorry that you and DS have been let down by the school. Best wishes with the Home Edding.

magso Sat 11-Oct-08 10:23:30

Best wishes for home education!

Tclanger Sat 11-Oct-08 12:39:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

streakybacon Sat 11-Oct-08 14:59:03

Thanks everyone. I actually feel quite positive about this, rather looking forward to the challenge, and ds is too. Onwards and upwards as they say!

coppertop Sat 11-Oct-08 15:20:52

Good luck with the HE, Streaky. xxx

misscutandstick Sat 11-Oct-08 15:50:34

congratulations! its a fantastically difficult decision to make, and it is going to be hard - not that you dont know that!!!

But really, it is absolutely the best thing to do and when you have come through the other side, not only will you be so proud of what you will both accomplish in the next few years, but almost certainly you will be much closer.

As you might have gathered, I home-schooled DS1 too. I took him out in year6 (actually it was the end of year5) when he was at the point of being full time agitated, wound up to the point of exploding, and so angry!!!

It took many years, and as you can imagine 24/7 with a child with ADHD wasnt always pleasant! but it was so worth it. DS1 is now 15y and gone into college, this year hes doing GCSE English, GCSE maths, Media, Ocr ICT... i really doubt that left in mainstream he wouldnt have managed half of that. Next year he wants to do full time college! And hes loving it!

Good luck and get yourself a good dentist, with expertise in teeth grinding! {hugs} for this excellent adventure you are on!

misscutandstick Sat 11-Oct-08 15:52:35

NB hes IN part time college (hasnt 'GONE' blush )

needmorecoffee Sat 11-Oct-08 17:54:30

it'll be fab Streaky. HE was the best thing I ever did and saved my sons life. At school he would be carried screaming there every morning having hidden his uniform. I couldn't get any help as he was so bright. Then he''d be under the table and wouldn't use the loo cos he was frightenend of the flush so most afternoons he'd soil himself on the walk home sad
When I took him out he visibly relaxed and became a different child.
Course, there were hard days when all 3 kids bickered but on the whole those 9 years were great. ds1 chose to try school at 13 and he has thrived and today we got a letter saying he was awarded the Science Prize for outstanding academic acheivment. he is so chuffed and has been carrying the letter about. He's 15. And last week, and this makes me all tear up, he gave a speech in his English Class. A boy who used to refuse to make eye contact and speak to anyone except his cat.
I put it down to HE, that he was allowed to develop at his own pace and learn to cope with the world as he became ready.

BriocheDoree Sat 11-Oct-08 20:02:34

Well done, Streaky, brave decision! Best of luck to you both!

kt14 Sat 11-Oct-08 20:06:20

totally agree, really brave and sure it will be best for all of you. But angry for you over the circumstances.

Kazann Sat 11-Oct-08 20:52:01

Hi streaky so sad to hear how badly you and your DS have been treated at school there really isnt enough trained or understanding people in these schools is there.
I wish you all the luck in the world with your home education im sure it wont be easy at times but what an adventure thinking of you HUGS X

milou2 Sat 11-Oct-08 20:59:47

I was in a similar state with my ds age 10 this January. Starting to home ed was the very best thing I have done in my life. I put him first, recognised the distress for what it was and just lurked under the duvet for the first week while he was in the same room watching movies. We ate comfort food and I sort of shook internally.

Our house became a haven, a respite place for us.

Best wishes on your journey.

siblingrivalry Sat 11-Oct-08 22:50:53

Hi Streaky,

So pleased your ds is keen on the idea of HE -I'm sure you will be able to talk dh round. DS has handled the situation with the residential trip really well, too. I really admire your strength - you have been through so much recently.
Will email you soon x smile

streakybacon Sun 12-Oct-08 06:46:16

I'm amazed by all the support I've had on this - it's overwhelming! Great to hear so many wonderful positive experiences of HEing too. Ds and I are both very enthusiastic to get things started so I guess the hardest part will be reining ourselves in - we need to 'deschool' first while I make plans and get things organised, but I also have to ensure ds continues to have structure or I'll never get him motivated again if I give him total downtime.

Thanks so much grin

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