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What would you say to this "Friend"?

(9 Posts)
ALMummy Fri 10-Oct-08 17:52:34

Received an EMail today from a male friend of mine who I have known for a lot of years. In it he told me he is getting remarried and it will work this time because his new fiancee is not "autistic" like his ex wife.

I would be disgusted by this even if my DS had not this week been diagnosed with HFA. I dont even know what to say to this person. He does not know about ds's diagnosis. Part of me wants to just never email him again and another part to make him feel like a real twunt by telling him about DS. What would you say to him? I feel so sad that this is what we will have to be facing now. This man by the way is in his forties and university educated, how frightening is that?

Sycamoretree Fri 10-Oct-08 17:59:46

You should tell him, but be kind. It's an idiotic thing to say, but it's probably coming from a wierd place given it's an accusation at an ex partner. It's probably an easy thing for him to point to, but am sure, not remotely why they broke up.

It's not excuseable, but I'm just trying to point out why he might have said it in such an insenstive way.

You have a chance to enlighten him here and make him think twice before making such rash comments next time.

bubblagirl Fri 10-Oct-08 18:03:59

my ds also has HFA i agree that he wasnt peobablt meaning it in an insensitive way but more dig at ex but still very ignorant thing to come out with making fun of her situation regardless

if you get on genuinly then just tell him about your ds and im sure he'll have one hell of a guilt trip on his shoulders for saying such a thing which i would imagine he wouldnt have done if he knew

hope your ok though my ds was dx 6 mths ago xx

we always pick out a bad point or a vulnerable side to an ex when commenting as its a way of venting and it just happens he mentioned this im sure it will make him think again about making same judgement next time round

Hassled Fri 10-Oct-08 18:04:00

Give yourself a few days to calm down. He needs educating, not shunning from the sounds of things - university education is irrelevant. The lack of awareness from so many people re Special Needs is upsetting, but really if it's not something they've ever been exposed to, why would they know? I know nothing at all about diabetes, for example, yet that's something thousands of people have to deal with.
Tell him about your DS, and tell him why his comment was wrong, but do it in an informative way - and wait a bit first.

bubblagirl Fri 10-Oct-08 18:04:41

oh gosh have no idea what i wrote there i think that should be probably lol

Tclanger Fri 10-Oct-08 19:28:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe Fri 10-Oct-08 19:31:51

It has probably hit home due to your persoanl circumstances but he could just as easily have said his ex was mental/crazy.etc. He is silly for saying it but try not to let it ruin your friendship. When and if you do tell hiom about your son's dx he will either apologise, never say a word about it and disappear off into the blue yonder through embarrassment.

ALMummy Fri 10-Oct-08 19:57:35

Thanks for your replies. Think it was a bit of a shock because of what has happened this week. Maybe thinking about things a bit too much. Dont think I will say anything just yet because I dont particularly want to make DS's diagnosis general knowledge in RL until we have had some time with it ourselves.

Do you know what else irritates me? I knew his wife slightly and she was ok. HE ran off with someone 12 years his junior and left his wife with their two kids but somehow all these years later she is the one getting the slagging. This btw will be his third marriage.

Anyway I digress. Thanks for your replies again, it probably does affect me more because of DS but I know I would never have found it acceptable or laughed about it before either.

Kazann Sat 11-Oct-08 00:29:56

you are bound to be feeling extra sensitive at the moment even if you think you know what your childs SN is before DX it is still quite a shock to have it confirmed and it takes a while to sink in and get to grips with it.
This person did not have a good choice of words and probably hasent got a clue what autistic even means.
Iagree with HASSLED calm down for a few days and then politely tell him he needs to be more careful with his choice of words.
Take Care

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