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How to toilet train a three yr old who understands everything but won't speak

(17 Posts)
Liffey Thu 02-Oct-08 21:52:11

3 words. Yeah, Mama, there. And that's is vocal repetoire.

He's done salt, I've been on the Hanen course, I've done Lámh, which is sign language for children. No improvements yet though.

I use some sign language with him, but he will only use the signs for food! More, juice, biscuit, bread.

Signs like change, clean, nappy. He's never tried to make those.

Is there a way to toilet train him? A child psychologist has assessed him, and she is going to give me her report soon. She said not to rush him.

My Mum says he is ready and thinks it's a bit yuck that i haven't done anything about it yet. She bought him a hippo potty for his birthday. Ha ha. She can't understand how a boy can be three and not toilet trained. "All of mine were toilet trained at 18 months".

Any tips? I know this probably is the wrong board, but I can't use the normal tips. I have an older child, I know the usual tips! I need extra help.

TotalChaos Thu 02-Oct-08 21:56:32

yes, definitely possible to toilet train in this position. DS (at that time severe speech delay, so unable to say he needed the toilet), pretty much trained himself at 3.5 - he started copying what I did on the toilet, bar actually weeing, for a month, then all of a sudden started taking himself off when he needed a wee. When out and about I either had a nappy on (use public transport a lot!), or just asked v. frequently if he needed the toilet (he could answer yes/no).

I think when people are trying from scratch, they try and figure out the times their kid tends to erm produce, and get them to sit on the toilet around that time, to sort of kick start the connection.

Btw my mum was pestering a lot as well, I sympathise, it is very wearing, as you feel judged by something way out of you/your child's control.

Re:signing - have you ever tried the Sing and Sign DVD - as that has a change your nappy song that might come in handy.

Hassled Thu 02-Oct-08 21:56:36

Wai until you get some sort of diagnosis from the Psych. That will hopefully lead you on the right path to finding communication tools that work. Ignore pressure to get him trained - ridiculous under the circumstances. He will get there when he gets there - try to relax.

If you do ever get to the point where you feel that it's stubborness rather than a genuine lack of understanding/feeling the urge, I bribed mine with chocolate and feel no shame

Sidge Thu 02-Oct-08 21:57:32

Does he have any disabilities? Is it that he is selectively mute or does he have some learning difficulties?

If he is totally uninterested and doesn't know if he needs a wee or a poo then he might not be ready yet. With all respect to your mum, it's more common to NOT be toilet trained at 3 than it is to be trained at 18 months. Why does she think he's ready?

TotalChaos Thu 02-Oct-08 21:57:51

some useful ideas on here:-

TotalChaos Thu 02-Oct-08 21:58:37

btw according to a Gina Ford book I skimmed in bookshop, around 40% of boys aren't trained at 3, it really isn't that unusual.

Liffey Thu 02-Oct-08 22:08:41

Thanks everybody. I will tuck that 40% statistic up my sleeve for the next time I need it.

He has a mild ASD the SALT/child psychologist thinks but I won't know that for sure until next Tuesday. She is coming to discuss her report with me. He is affectionate and normal, but also has plenty of funny little ways! He has been known to do a jigsaw with the picture side down...

I threw out a Gina Ford book about 5 yrs ago!! The signing dvd is a good idea, because I want to teach him a sign for 'I need the loo' but it's a difficult one to convey.

Liffey Thu 02-Oct-08 22:11:18

Hassled, my Mum totally refuses to believe that he even might maybe have a mild ASD. She completely scoffs at the idea. I don't know. But from the moment he had his 18 month check, it's taken another 18 months of appointments, developmental checks, SALT, Hanen course, Lamh course... I feel it's all prepared me for the fact that they are going to turn up on Tuesday and say he does have a mild ASD. If it does turn out that he has a mild ASD, I can see my Mum ringing the pyschologist to give her a piece of her mind!

TotalChaos Thu 02-Oct-08 22:13:38

watch out for clutching at groin area as sign he needs a wee.

Liffey Thu 02-Oct-08 22:15:01

Good website TotalChaos. I will try and buy a doll that wees!

Sidge Thu 02-Oct-08 22:16:48

Liffey I hope you get some answers next week.

My non-verbal DD2 (aged 4 yrs 7 months) has modified the Makaton sign for dirty (rub above the breast/chest with a middle finger I think it is supposed to be!) as her sign for needing the loo/needing her nappy changed. Maybe your DS could be encouraged to use something similar?

bullet123 Thu 02-Oct-08 22:25:16

Sidge, that sign you describe is actually pretty much the Makaton sign for "toilet" as well.

Sidge Thu 02-Oct-08 22:28:46

Thanks Bullet123, I thought it might be! She can't fold her fingers to use her middle finger so rubs her chest with her fist, it looks just like the sign for 'sorry' which is quite appropriate given the contents of her nappy sometimes grin

cyberseraphim Fri 03-Oct-08 09:50:41

;btw according to a Gina Ford book I skimmed in bookshop, around 40% of boys aren't trained at 3, it really isn't that unusual.'

Even if you don't normally like GF, the toilet training one is good as it explains in detail what the child needs to understand whereas other books tend to take the understanding for granted. 3 is quite young for a child with a delay in communication. DS1 was not trained til 4.3 - the GF book has a case study of a 4 year old boy (with no delays) so you should not feel pressured. Your mum's reaction to any suggestion of ASD is very common so it's not her being odd, all grandparents are like that.

Tclanger Fri 03-Oct-08 15:49:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marne Fri 03-Oct-08 16:48:41

We are thinking of potty training dd2 (2.8), she has no speech, possible ASD or language disorder.

We will be using photo's (of the potty/toilet) and trying to get her to point or hand me the photo when she needs to go.
At the moment we are making a picture book using photo's as adviced by her sn nursery.

lingle Fri 03-Oct-08 17:00:34

wow, all is forgiven Gina smile

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