another bad day at school!!! When will it end??

[nicky693]

We have had two good days at school to which C got 2 stickers on his sticker chart for.
Then today went to pick C up as usual and notice C and another child being led out by the teacher. The teacher approaches the other childs parents first in the middle of the playground infront of all the parents and explains that C banged him on the nose at break. Before i could apologise to the parents they walked off home. She then explained to me that yet again c had hurt someone in the playground. Yet again flinging his arms around and not aware of the space around him.

i was yet again embarrassed and upset that antoher child has been hurt. She said c is completely unaway he hurts anyone and gets very upset. They have tried to be teach him to be gentle but he just doesnt understand. Im just waiting in fear of having some understandably angry parents waiting for me (to which i can totally understand as i would be the same). I have a meeting with the school tomorrow as his statement says that he should be supervised in the playground and taught social skills. I have been told by Cs 1on1 that he is watched by the dinner ladies however they cannot follow him around all the time. He is fine in class its just when he has the freedom.

I was more upset that this discussion took place in the playground and it just reinforced what the parents thought of C. I felt all eyes were on us. Cs teacher said that she did it in the playground to show to the parents that something was being done about the situation. However it made cameron very stressed and upset especially seeing as c did not know what he had done wrong.

I went to look around a special school in the summer and was convinced by his main stream school to keep him here as they could deal with him. Now i am not so sure and dont know what to do for the best. Stopping crying would be a start!!!!

It is hard when c doesnt know what he is doing or that he hurts people. His helper thinks that he cannot feel pain like others do which is why he is so ruff. The other day he clashed heads with another child, this time it wasnt his fault. He ran away and was quite happy that he wasnt hurt. After lunch the teacher noticed his eye closing up and going black. To which i was called to take him to doctors. he still said it didnt hurt. He doesnt even cry when he falls over and you know it must of hurt!!

Any advise welcome

[dustystar]

Poor you - its so hard when you have a child that hurts others - albeit unitentionally. You mention he has a statement. Does he have extra support throught that statement? My ds has 1:1 support all day including breaktimes.

[cory]

Oh you poor love! And your poor ds; it must be very confusing for him.

Only the obvious, that you need to keep pushing to up his statement (or enforce it) so that he has 1:1 supervision in the playground. Try to scare the school/LEA; point out that a child who is this unaware of pain could accidentally cause a serious injury either to himself or to others and that they will be liable if anything happens.

[nicky693]

his statement is for 4 full days a week, however they say that a child cannot be constantly watched in the playground, this would mean someone running around with him at all times. In the classroom he is fine coz its a confined space but in the open he goes to hypa.

Gonna speak to the school tomorrow and try to scare them like you advised CORY. Just have to try not to cry and be forceful but as any parent i get very emotional over occasions like this. Shouted at C earlier and told husband wished c was 'normal'. Feel guilty now hes asleep looking like an angel and he was so loving and cuddly before bed because he knew i was cross with him, even though he didnt know or understand what for.

[sarah573]

Hugs to you and your DS. My DS (AS) is a hurter and I know how horrible it is as a parent.

I disagree with the school about not constantly watching him in the playground. They don't need to be stood next to him all the time, but a 1:1 should be able to keep him under constant supervision, watching him at a distance, and being ready to step in if there are any problems. This used to happen with my DS at playtimes.

I think they are also very wrong to address the situation in the playground, in front of the other parents. I cannot see how the teacher could think this would help, and was very ill judged IMO.

Good luck speaking with the school tomorrow.

[Seuss]

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. Sorry I don't have much to add but I remembered when we were having similar problems our Speech Therapist came up with quite a good idea of getting him and another child to play a ball game, rather than running around madly and also encouraging him to play with others at the same time. My ds was only 5 at the time though so don't know how relevant this would be to your ds.

Hope you can get some help with this, good luck talking to school.

[Seuss]

I agree with Sarah - I don't see why they can't watch him at all times either.

[magso]

I do not think this should have been discussed infront of others. It sounds like it was an accident due to poor spacial awareness or similar not deliberate hurting or carelessness, and therefore should have have been treated as an accident or mistake. ( A problem my son had too always in trouble and treated as deliberatly aggressive or silly! he got to the point of school refusal because of it). It is important that he is made aware of his mistakes so he can apologise and hopefully learn from them - but to treat him as naughty is sole destroying. ( Its also awful for you )
I just feel this needs to said to the teacher.
I found joining in the play in the park after school helpful. You can see the difficulties and help your child to learn to allow space or remeber his feet. Other parents get to see the awkward movement and a gentle but rather developmentally delayed child and can understand better. ((hugs))!!

[dustystar]

Does it say anything about playtime supervision in the statement? If not its worth trying to get that into part 3 as then the school have to do it. I agree with the others though that it is possible to supervise a child during break. My ds has this and he really wouldn't cope in the playground without it as he gets so overexcited and often has aggressive outbursts.

A decent TA makes all the difference though. In ds old school he had one for the morning and another for the afternnon. Both TAs knew him really well and could spend much of the time observing him from a short distance away as they were always aware of any changes in his agitation levels and of his triggers. He still had some incidents but nothing major. He started a new school this sept and has had 2 reasinably serious incidents there already - one of them had the head talking about exclusion. He is very stressed at the moment about the change to a new school but a lot of the problem in the playground I think is due to the TAs working with him not knowing him and being able to step in before he loses it.

The school have a duty of care to your ds and to other children in the playground.

[magso]

I meant to say that the first step is child noticing when has hit/knocked/ hurt another child, followed by realising it might be their fault - so they know to apologise and be more careful (for the next 5 seconds). My son still says hey! why did you hit me! when it was his impulsive unpredictable movement that caused a collision! He is slowly getting there. Adult eyes are needed to help both the bumper and the bumped to understand what happened. Whether deliberate or accidental - either way it needs good supervision.

[nicky693]

thanks for the advise, got an appointment at the school tomorrow as his statement does say that he needs supervision in the playground and any other free time ie;start and end of day routine. Because it is him not aware of the space around him when i asked why he did what he did C said 'i dont know what to say mummy'. that coming from a 5 year old was heart wrenching and he looked so sad and confussed.

Just have to be harder and more forcefull with the school tomorrow!!!

[dustystar]

Good luck

[streakybacon]

I'd also write to the school and request that in future they discuss such matters in private rather than on the yard in full view and hearing of other parents. That's pretty disrespectful of you feelings IMO. But do put it in writing rather than bring it up in discussion, then they have a record of your request which is harder to ignore than a conversation.

Good luck, hope your meeting is successful.