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Is it bad to feel a sense of relief when DD gets upset for AS reasons?

(26 Posts)
DrHorrible Wed 24-Sep-08 13:44:04


We explained to her new teacher about not changing her reading book without warning her - all was understood.

Or not....

I had told her she would be getting new words to learn and she was prepared and happy - but they changed the system!!!

Last year she had all her words on individual cards in a little plastic envelope thing. She opened her book bag last night to find a sheet of words and her envelope gone.

She sobbed and sobbed Not helped by me being hormonal anyway and I think she probably noticed me panic when I saw what they'd done.

She is all settled now - we agreed to copy them and have them cut up in a folder at home etc.

But (getting back to the point) there was that small part of me (that feels horrible and guilty) that felt like - see, I'm NOT imagining it... and that part is a bit miffed it didn't happen at school blush. Then at the same time it wouldn't have happened at school - it would be stored up for home hmm

Dunno if any of that made sense blush

streakybacon Wed 24-Sep-08 13:53:45

Ikwym. A couple of weeks ago my AS son completely erupted at school and ended up with a one day exclusion. The school had clearly underestimated the potential extent of his rages and hadn't planned for them, with disastrous results. He was utterly hysterical, barricaded himself in the front office and effed and blinded to anyone who came near him. He must have been terrified but there was still part of me that was thinking "There, you dimwits, NOW do you understand?!"

You are not alone. Often nobody takes any notice of AS behaviours unless it's observed by someone with letters after their name, and unfortunately M-O-T-H-E-R doesn't seem to count.

Hope your dd is OK now.

Seuss Wed 24-Sep-08 14:02:01

Ikwym too. Especially if we have been having a good run of things and successfully avoiding meltdowns - I don't think people realise the lengths we have to go to and the things we have to consider to avoid ds getting upset. Sometimes feel like not doing all those things to show people what happens when we don't!

Hope your dd is ok too.

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 24-Sep-08 14:06:44


Does your daughter have a Statement at school?. If not, it may well be worth applying for such a document from the LEA now as these sorts of issues tend to occur more when there is no formal support in place.

DrHorrible Wed 24-Sep-08 14:36:46

No, no statement - she is absolutely fine at school (told me the other day that she shouts and shrieks and stamps her feet when she is cross... but not at school as her teachers might get cross hmm I know that means she is happy for me to get cross, but still sulking wink)

Community paed just keeps telling me that she isn't autistic and AS is language based so we can't tell til she is older (yes, I want to make him look at just ONE website hmm).

Would a statement really help? If so, how do I get one?

She is ok now, once she was over the shock and we promised to get her proper cut out ones for home and she can use her mickey mouse pencil case for them, she settled down

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 24-Sep-08 14:54:42

I think a Statement would be helpful overall as it will give support over and above what the school can actually provide (which is sometimes actually not very much at all). Unlike any other school based plan its a legally binding document as well.

She will also not remain in the Infants forever and as she progresses through the school system she may find things re school far more challenging socially.

You need ideally to see a developmental pead rather than a community paed. D'oh and D'oh again at comment made to you that AS is language based so we can't tell till she is older. Twats of the first order they are to say that!.

Re the Statement you need to write to the Chief Education Officer of your LEA and give them six weeks to reply. They may well say no to assessment but you can appeal this decision. You have far more power than school would ever have in this regard, I would urge you to make such an application for her asap.

IPSEA are very good:-

amber32002 Wed 24-Sep-08 15:05:42

Paed thinks AS is language based? My, that's news to us folk who have AS. There were we thinking it was a brain wiring difference affecting all incoming senses and communication and social interaction. hmm

Definitely worth contacting IPSEA, and getting an assessment from someone who knows more about AS.

siblingrivalry Wed 24-Sep-08 20:14:05

I know where you are coming from -I've experienced the same relief. I often doubt myself when dd is acting NT, then she has a meltdown over the seam in her tights being 'wrong' and I know I am right to trust my insincts.

Good luck, I hope your dd gets the help she needs.

Widemouthfrog Wed 24-Sep-08 21:15:27

Sibling -my DS has a meltdown when the seam in his socks isn't flat - I sometimes have to put his socks back on a dozen times until he is happy.

I get tetchy when we have a 'good' run that school will take their eye of the ball in the mistaken belief that DS is OK. They had just told me he would be fine going on a school trip without 1:1 which I wasn't happy about, when he ran off as we left school. I found him 5 minutes later screaming and stamping and shouting at the Headteacher - perfect timing. He is now getting 1:1 for the trip grin.

Seuss Wed 24-Sep-08 21:22:44

grin Serve them right Widemouthfrog!

siblingrivalry Wed 24-Sep-08 21:25:51

That'll teach them WMF!smile

Marne Thu 25-Sep-08 10:33:22

Widemouth- my dd has a meltdown over socks, we have to take them off and put them back on until they are flat.

My dd has'nt got a statement, the school knows about her AS and seem to cope with it well, she does have meltdowns at school but they put her in a room on her own to calm her down. Last week she had a melt down because they gave her a carton of milk and she drinks out of a glass at home.

coppertop Thu 25-Sep-08 10:43:13

I can remember trying to hide a smile when ds2's Reception teacher told me at the first parents' evening "I think <ds2> lulled us all into a false sense of security...." Ooops!

mumslife Thu 25-Sep-08 10:47:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marne Thu 25-Sep-08 10:58:10

mumslife, my dd has alot of friends, good eye contact, she does'nt flap (sometimes hops around a little) and is good at school.

She has food phobias (wont eat sloppy food)

Likes to turn evrything into a race where she has to win.

Hates change in routine

Is sensitive to sound (hoover, lawnmower)

Was a poor sleeper as a baby

Very sensitive

Gets upset easily

Has a high IQ

I hope that helps smile

Dd has not been diognosed yet but we have been told to expect AS.

mumslife Thu 25-Sep-08 12:42:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WeDoTheWeirdStuff Thu 25-Sep-08 12:52:10

Yup, most of the things in both of your lists apply to DD (although she does eat quite a few foods thankfully - just don't change the contents of the lunchbox!!)

We first started noticing when we realised that my sister has many AS traits, and DD is soooooo much like my sister. So once the penny dropped with why my sister is like she is, DD's things all started dropping into place - that it wasn't my parenting etc!!!

Marne Thu 25-Sep-08 15:17:38

wow, mumslife, you ds sounds like dd's twin grin

'If another child does him a misjustice as he sees it thats it he can remember it years later' this is just like dd, dd was hit by a child whilst at nursery, she refused to go near him for over 6 months shock

And its always someone elses fault, not hers.

Dd1 is 4.7 but can read, write and do maths but to people that see her when we are out or at home just see her as a child who is always upset, crying and bossy.

Marne Thu 25-Sep-08 15:19:35

oh and evry day she asks for a cheese sandwich which she never eats but won't let me give her anything different. grin

Will only eat cheese and onion crisps as they come in a blue packet (her favorite colour) grin

mumslife Thu 25-Sep-08 15:41:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WeDoTheWeirdStuff Thu 25-Sep-08 16:07:33

We had the fun when aquafresh bought milkteeth toothpaste and changed the colour hmm

DD must have asda pate on sandwiches. ONLY asda. She can actually tell the difference from one cheap pate to another.

Result with school and the words though - her envelope that used to have the words "appeared" in her drawer today I will thank her teacher tomorrow - she's delighted!

Marne Thu 25-Sep-08 16:21:19

lol, spooky, dd talks from the moment she wakes until she goes to sleep (talks herself to sleep or sings)

Dh shows alot of as traits, i show a few but not as many as dh and dd.

We went to soft play today (after school) she was fine until it was time to go home ,then she screemed, cried 'i want to stay', evryone was looking at her like she was a mad child, i had to make a fast exit. grin

Oh dd eats warburtens white bread grin

mumslife Thu 25-Sep-08 19:22:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marne Fri 26-Sep-08 09:42:08

Dd is in the final stages of getting a diagnosis, we had to see a speech therapist, a phychiatrist (spp) and paediatrition, now they all get together and discus dd which can take a while. Each of them have told me she has AS traits and have said to expect a diagnosis of AS, they have also said as she is so chatty she should be fine at school and have alot of friends.

Last week she had the speech therapy part of her assesment, she scored 28 out of 30, then they told me the average for her age was 7-13 shock, but they said because she has to has the last word and has to be in charge of a convasation she thinks she has AS.

Im not sure if its importand to get a diognosis, it depends if you need to get a statement for school. I plan to get a statement for dd as i worry that people/teachers will think she is stupid (because of her poor balance and her melt downs), As dd has a high IQ i want her to get the right help at school to push her along.

I dont need it in writing to tell me she has AS, i have already decided she has it, she's just my special little girl who thinks about things differently to other children.

The tantrums and meltdowns are the hardest to deal with as i hate other people looking at dd (she does'nt care), im worried that people will think she's just a naughty child and her mother can't control her ,when actualy this is just a small part of dd and most of the time she is a little angel.

Dd loves the computer, she started typing when she was 2.5 shock and now knows more about the pc than i do hmm.

mumslife Fri 26-Sep-08 20:28:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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