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How can i explain to dd1 (AS) that she can't cuddle strangers?

(21 Posts)
Marne Tue 23-Sep-08 17:01:59

Dd1 has always been nervous around females but seems to be the oposite with men, today she hugged one of the dads in the playground, the poor man looked so worried, i tried to drag her off him but she kept going back. When i got her home after lunch i tried to tell her she can't hug strangers and she asked 'why?' , i told her its a bit rude to hug people you don't know, she said 'i do know him mummy, he's *** daddy'.

How do i explain that she can't hug evry man she see's?

I can see this becomming a problem in the future.

streakybacon Tue 23-Sep-08 17:10:34

How old is she Marne? And does she respond to social stories? I have one about Personal Space if you think it might help.

Marne Tue 23-Sep-08 17:18:15

She 4.7, She responds well to social stories (she loves books), that would be a great help streaky, at the moment people think she's being cute, dh hates her doing it, when we were on holiday she hugged someones dad at a disco and dh was realy upset about it.
She gets realy close (in your face) when she talks to people and sometimes waves her hands close to your face.

streakybacon Tue 23-Sep-08 17:42:37

She might be a bit young but you could have a look and see if it's worth trying.

Email me karenthirlaway@yahoo.co.uk and I'll forward it. Make sure you have space in your inbox though, it's very visual with lots of graphics.

BriocheDoree Tue 23-Sep-08 18:10:52

Oooh, my DD's like this. Not cuddling but wanting to hold hands with complete strangers. At 4, people think it's cute, but what is it going to be like if she still does it when she's 8? Unfortunately her language skills aren't up to social stories!

nicky693 Tue 23-Sep-08 18:31:07

my sons the same, he wanted to cuddle the trolley collector in sainsburys the other day. When i tried to explain to him that he shouldnt cuddle people he doesnt know he got upset and said that he spoke to him so they must be friends and friends cuddle!!!! He also told a lady in newlook changing rooms that she looked like a princess and gave her a cuddle.

Its hard to explain to him and sometimes very frustrating coz he thinks hes just being nice.

Marne Tue 23-Sep-08 20:04:05

Thank you streaky, it may help, her visual skills are excellent, sometimes she seems alot older than 4.

Niky, your ds sounds just like dd, she thinks once she has spoke to someone then she knows them well enough to cuddle them. If i try to expain it to her she just says 'but i like to cuddle people, whats wrong with that?'.

magso Tue 23-Sep-08 20:14:16

We have been teaching ds that hugs are for family only! He is nearly 9 so it is a bit more imperative. He has a good line in beaming devastatingly at women and saying they are pretty!grin - we are trying to get him to reserve that for people he knows well.

nicky693 Tue 23-Sep-08 20:15:09

Yes C does that. When he was younger it was just cute and nice, now hes 5 its worrying coz he would just go off with anyone. He even tried walking out of sainsburys chatting and cuddling a ladies leg. She said he was lovely but i get a little more worried as he gets older, its hard to explain the line between being nice to someone and cuddling them.

nicky693 Tue 23-Sep-08 20:15:22

Yes C does that. When he was younger it was just cute and nice, now hes 5 its worrying coz he would just go off with anyone. He even tried walking out of sainsburys chatting and cuddling a ladies leg. She said he was lovely but i get a little more worried as he gets older, its hard to explain the line between being nice to someone and cuddling them.

twocutedarlings Tue 23-Sep-08 20:26:07

Definately try a social story, DD1 (5 AS) has in the also liked to hug (and kiss) most people grin

School made a social story for her, and she no longer hugs everyone, it upset her at the time though sad

Marne Thu 25-Sep-08 09:47:29

Dd and i read through the story together, i think she understood most of it but when i explained it as being a bubble around you she asked 'what happens if i pop the bubble?', she's now going around telling people to keep out of her personal space.

Thank you streaky xxxx

dustystar Thu 25-Sep-08 09:53:18

Ds did a similar SS at school about persoanl space and the bubble. For weeks afterwards he kept leaping right in my face and exclaiming in delight that he had popped my bubble. He is 8 and is getting better about personal space when he is calm but otherwise he forgets. He also hugs people when it isn't appropriate and its really hard to explain to him which people to ok to hug and when.

Can I have a copy of theat SS please streaky? My email is dustystarry1@aol.com.

streakybacon Thu 25-Sep-08 10:01:52

Marne, you'll probably have to read it through with your daughter regularly to remind her of the personal space rules. It's a big concept to keep in a little head all the time.

On its way, dusty!

dustystar Thu 25-Sep-08 10:36:10

Thnaks streaky - have got it and ite great. Way more detialed than I would have thought of doing. I think it will be really helpful for ds.

streakybacon Thu 25-Sep-08 10:49:13

Ds likes to be bombarded with visuals, so his stories are quite busy and not to everyone's taste. They work really well for him though, one of the most powerful tools we've used.

Marne Thu 25-Sep-08 15:24:04

Streaky- just thought i would ask if you had any visual stories about friends. Dd is strugling at school with who to be friends with, a little girl has been pushing her around but dd does'nt understand why she she can't be freinds with evryone.

streakybacon Thu 25-Sep-08 19:54:27

I might have some, but haven't time to look tonight. There's a good book about basics of friendship skills for younger kids: http://www.bookdepository.co.uk/WEBSITE/WWW/WEBPAGES/showbook.php?id=0316111538
(sorry can't do links). DS is nearly 10 and we still use it occasionally.

I'll have a look through my stories tomorrow and if there's anything I think might fit I'll email them.

Marne Fri 26-Sep-08 09:44:04

Thanyou xx

streakybacon Fri 26-Sep-08 16:55:47

Have sent some but not sure if they will fit your needs.
x

Marne Sat 27-Sep-08 12:08:30

Thankyou streaky, dd loves reading them, they are a great help.xxx

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