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ds1's behaviour at home is out of contol

(151 Posts)
Jimjams Thu 24-Feb-05 20:29:40

he has been dreadful since the weekend. HAving got over the climbing over bannisters thing he is now just running around ricocheting off the walls. he has rediscovered throwing things but is throwing stuff to try and smash it (bye bye sugar bowl- and I've just had to remove from his room a china tractor that his aunt bought him as a baby). He is climbing everything and obsessively trying to look at things from certain angles 9wants us to open/shut windows and goes ape if we won't- and really ape- real headbanging meltdown type stuff. He's refusing to go to bed and keeps turning his light on then leaping round the place when he's meant to be sleeping.

So what do we do?

Tonight I have removed his bedroom light, and the hall light, have put up 2 travel barriers (one on top of the other) so that he can't climb out of the room. and now the entire house is in darkness- the idea being that if he can't see anything then he will lie down and go to sleep.

I feel like we are treating him like an animal- but I don't know what else to do. we don't have a punishment- he thinks being shouted at is hilarious, and after being awake for 4 hours last night is completely hyper. I feel like the only thing we can do is come down pn him like a ton of bricks, but I'm worried that if this bad behaviour is a delayed anxietyreaction to ds3 turning up then this will onloy make it worse. I'm trying to spend consturctive time with him and cuddling time after school, but its hard when he's constantly having to be pulled off various items of furntiture that he's climbing.

Feell very out of control and for the first time in a long time am unsure as to how I should be dealing with this. Help please!

happymerryberries Thu 24-Feb-05 20:35:13

Has anything else changed Jimjams? Are they careful of his diet in school? Is he acting up in school as well? Is he reacting to half term and now going back to school?

Please don't beat yourself up about the way you are coping.....you have to keep him safe first of all

Socci Thu 24-Feb-05 20:35:19

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Xena Thu 24-Feb-05 20:38:27

I don't think that you are treating him like an animal. I think you are creating an enviroment that will help go to sleep which he needs. My DS (who is my eldest) had no bad reactions to DD1 but after DD2 arrived his behaviour was really awful for about 6mths because he felt pushed out. But things have improved now and I hope that they do for you too

JaysMum Thu 24-Feb-05 20:39:18

Oh JJ....first have a hug.
it must be really hard for your ds to adjust to having the little one around.....you don't think the honeymoon period might be over do you????

Would it be such a bad thing if you bought him downstairs so he can be with you just for 5 mins on his own....more cuddles and a bit of reassurabce that even though he has been a little blitter you still love him. Let him know its just for 5 mins though or else he might just push to far.

Maybe its an attentional thing.....I dont know...it's normally me asking you for help!!!!!

Thinking of youxxxxxx

Jimjams Thu 24-Feb-05 20:42:42

school varies monday great, tuesday dreadful today great. They're very clued up on diet and anyway he isn't eating anythnig (will eat cakes, biscuits- but fussy about those and toast with butter on and toast with cheese thart's it at the moment). Today at school he had one piece of bread and 2 biscuits. yesterday he had one piece of bread.

he had a virus after half term and was dosed up on calpol- maybe its a reaction to that?? although seems to be a bit delayed. full moon of course.

I hate this- I totally lost my temper earlier and want to go up and give him a cuddle, but if I do he'll just start all over again.

Jimjams Thu 24-Feb-05 20:45:35

sorry virus at half term.
I'd love to bring him down again jaysmum but he'll just start bouncing around again and will want to do the whole elaborate open the front door, open this window etc routine again and I'll end up losing my temper (again).

I don't like keeping both barriers up at night in case of fire but that means we risk hi running riot round the house at night. Maybe removing the lightbulbs will help(last night he just whacked his light on).

I really hate and loathe autism at the moment.

Socci Thu 24-Feb-05 20:47:24

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Blossomhill Thu 24-Feb-05 20:47:46

Jimjams I really feel for you. Anyone dealing with this would feel the way that you do.

Is there anything you can give him that will calm him down, like chamomile or lavender. i don't know if they would be any good, just clutching at straws really........

What's happening with SS and respite. Have they assessed ds yet?

Blossomhillxxx

Socci Thu 24-Feb-05 20:54:33

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Xena Thu 24-Feb-05 20:55:47

Just to add to Blossomhill we used lavender on our DS pillow and it helped him calm at bedtime we told him that it was for good dreams

happymerryberries Thu 24-Feb-05 20:58:30

Am I right that he has reacted to Calpol before? I have a faint memory that you might have posted that. Dh's totaly DT brothers were sent round the bend by Calpol! They would halucinate and do all sorts of things. Not that this helps you at the memonet....just sending you hugs, and don't beat yourself up

trefusis Thu 24-Feb-05 21:01:15

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rivers Thu 24-Feb-05 21:32:11

Hi Jimjams - Sorry have no useful advice whatsoever but I really hope everything settles down soon and sending you best wishes.
Take care,
Rivers.

roisin Thu 24-Feb-05 21:37:15

Oh Jimjams - I don't know what to say. I read your post and thought, I don't know how she copes, it must be so difficult ... then I got to the end and remembered that you've got a tiny baby as well

No advice whatsoever I'm afraid, just loads of sympathy. I can't imagine what you're going through. Hope he settles down and finds a routine again soon.

Has he been OK at school this week btw? This is his first time going back after a holiday, isn't it?

Merlot Thu 24-Feb-05 21:43:52

More sympathy from me too <<<<<hug>>>>>>>>

sorry you are having such a difficult time

singersgirl Thu 24-Feb-05 21:46:41

Sorry, no advice, and hope things are getting better, but on the Calpol thing, my DS1 takes 2-3 days to react - he too is coming down from a local anaesthetic, bubblegum flavoured topical anaesthetic, Calpol and Nurofen (even worse coz it's an NSAID) after he rather horrifically knocked both his two top (fortunately milk)teeth out. So it may be the Calpol even if it seems a bit late....

Blu Thu 24-Feb-05 21:48:46

JimJams - I'm going to say something which is probably outrageous - but if it isn't said you can't yell 'F* off i'm not doing that, and that wasn't helpful'.
Have you thought / is it possible to get short spells of respite care/
Mu Mum used to do weekends of respite care for deaf/blind children, and invariably the Mums felt as bad from leaving them as thy did from the stress care alongside other children in the family. But once they saw how my Mum was able to be endlessly patient and caring and attentive simply because she didn't have to do it day in day out, they felt better about their own exhaustion, and re-assured about their child's care.

I have a horrible feeling that social services don't give you that choice - is there a charity? Can any of us do any research for you?

Blu Thu 24-Feb-05 21:51:38

Singersgirl - I go totally doo-lally after local aneasthetic - and my dentist now uses adrenalin-free anaesthetic. I think the adrenalin just speeds it into the bloodstrea, so we just have to wait longer, buut it makes a huge difference - can you try that?

MrsFROSTgetful Thu 24-Feb-05 22:21:22

massive hug to you.

my ds1 is difficult this week- always happens for us after 'short school holidays' - i feel he hates the fact that just as he gets used tio being at home etc he has to get back to school routines etc.
Your ds has also been poorly...


i agree that you are not treating him like an anilmal...i lost my temper the other day with ds2- i told him that i was sick of asperger's and sick of dreading him stamping round the house (his latest stim...when stressed) I then said that one day i'd just walk out the door.

like you i regretted what i said...and understand you wanting to hug him- but know you cannot.

sometimes i think we just crack under the strain. we have to watch what we say,how we say it,where we put things,when we do things,avoid things, repeat things,etc etc 7 days aweek.... we get little feedback...and no thanks (not that we are seeking thankyous!!!)......and like you said last week- cabin feever and all that jazz....

we can only take so much.

useually we emerge 'refreshed' (but exhausted) as we don't have time to allow ourselves to feel like this .... bit like when you have a really good heartfelt cry- you do eventually feel better for it- it releases alot of the tension we keep inside,

i hope this makes sense.

again as i have said before...i still remember your help you gave me back in 2003 with DLA etc... and though i have asperger's sons ... i still look at how you manage with the severeness of your ds1's autism with total admiration...so keep reading all the threads that mention you ...as your name crops up on most threads as someone who is GREAT!

XX

Jimjams Fri 25-Feb-05 09:07:51

well thank f* for that- he's gone to school.

Removing the lights did work- he settled down in about 10 minutes - had a chance foor a quick cuddle as well.

Slept well but has woken up off the planet this morning. Have decided to introduce very strict boundaries at the moment party because I physically haven't got the energy to chase him round the house (5 stories). Any give at all at the moment and he completely takes the Michael. Had a meltdown this morning as I wouldn't let him run up and down the street, but had calmed down by the time the taxi arrived. He'll be fine at school.

Blu I've been trying to get help/respite since last June. It has been agreed that I will get a certain number of hours of direct payment (can't remember how much but quite a lot) but my SW seems to have disappeared. I've opened my bank account but havent heard from SS again. It is on my list of chase ups, I did send a letter a couple of weeks ago asking what the next stepp was but haven't had a reply. Trouble is I find chasing SS simply exhausting and I don't have the energy for the rounds of phone callls with stroppy people answering at the moment. I did have someone in mine (ds1's old LSA)) but he came once and then disappeared as well (the shock!) I don't really know what happened there as he seemed keen to do it, but I've tried phoning and writing and haven't goot a response so think I need to giive up on that idea. So now I need to find someone again.

Was so tired last night that poor old ds3 was screaming for ages before I heard him.

Promised to takke ds1 to the museum to see the dinosaur exhibition today, am trying to persuade him to go to Totnes to buy new shoes instead but he's haviing none of it.

Jimjams Fri 25-Feb-05 09:08:51

HMB- it's the sweetners he reacts to- I get the sugary one so it's the sorbitol. I don't know whether its that or just a rebound after being ill.

Dingle Fri 25-Feb-05 09:49:50

OH Jimjams!!My heart is with you, Sorry I have absolutely no advice to offer, only love and hugs to send!

Dingle.xx

dinosaur Fri 25-Feb-05 09:58:11

Jimjams, could you DH take some time while he is at work to pester Social Services and all the other stroppy people? I know he is a solicitor and I'm sure he is busy, but no matter how demanding his clients are I still reckon it would be easier for him to find the time to do it that for you to do it!

I've always worked in solicitors' offices (am qualified solicitor myself) and so I know from the inside that even when people are busy it is amazing how much time they can find to make personal phone calls and surf the Internet! Is it worth you trying to persuade him?

Jimjams Fri 25-Feb-05 11:24:14

dinosaur- his job is another "problem" area in our life. he's working until midnight most nights He will do some chasing up but I tthink I need to do it really as he hasn't even met the SW (he's also not keen at all on SS being involved so I think it could end up being forgotton).

My main problem now is that Tesco has cancelled their delivery as 4 drivers have called in sick. I aksed htem to go round and put the stuff in a trolley for me to collect but that appears to be too difficult, so ds2 is going to have to miss the dinosaurs foor us to go f**** supermarket shopping, because there's obviously no way on god's eaerth that i can tgake ds1 to supermarket.

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