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SN children

OK, let's have all your excuses/comments from SS and similar

52 replies

MannyMoeAndJack · 15/09/2008 18:20

This is my second attempt at this thread - this time with a title.

Slightly droll this - but let's share the reasons for why we or our disabled dc have been refused help from SS or similar plus some of the least helpful/most banal comments that such agencies have told you:

I'll go first (I have many!):

'Your ds is still very young - we don't usually think about providing respite care until the child is about 7yrs old' (implication: we don't care if you drop dead of exhaustion in the meantime because that will save us money)

'you need to set boundaries' (no, really?)

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SpookyMadMummy · 15/09/2008 18:41

My sister got:
'You don't have any other children - regardless of whether or not you are a single parent you should manage'

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Seuss · 15/09/2008 18:44

That's appalling!

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MannyMoeAndJack · 15/09/2008 18:49

'All parents of young children find life hard going' (implication: your severely ASD ds, who is non-verbal and doubly incontinent challenges you in the same way to how an NT child challenges their parent)

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SpookyMadMummy · 15/09/2008 18:52

Oops should say my sister's Ds has ADHD and Asberger's. He was 8 at the time when she asked SS for respite.

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sarah293 · 15/09/2008 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

daisy5678 · 15/09/2008 19:01

(Before the autism dx) "Well, ADHD isn't really a disability. All children have behavioural problems at some point."

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coldshowers · 15/09/2008 19:14

Oh I had the most bazaare convo with SW once. I wasn't asking for help, in fact I wanted them to leave me the hell alone. She turned up unnanounced, dd was unwell at the time, high temp etc, was on the sofa in just a nappy, she's 7 but incontinent.
SW went off at me, she should be dressed, what if a male SW had come with her...did I realise how many more peadophiles there were around today etc etc etc.
She's on her own sofa in her own house you bloody loon..I didn't say this (although I wanted to) I mostly just looked like this >

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cyberseraphim · 15/09/2008 19:23

SS employ SW peadophiles to call unannounced ????

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coldshowers · 15/09/2008 19:25

Apparently so cyber. She was a complete fruitloop that SW though, some of the things she came out with were priceless. Why do they employ SW to work with children who have not got the first clue about children!?

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moondog · 15/09/2008 19:26

Cold, that merits a stiff letter to the head of dept. insane.

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moondog · 15/09/2008 19:26

Cold, that merits a stiff letter to the head of dept. insane.

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Cappuccino · 15/09/2008 19:29

when I was pg with dd2 we asked for short-term help with dd1 because I might have a section and not be able to lift for a few weeks

they said they could help with everything but lifting

so theoretically I could come home with dd1 in the buggy from pre-school, but if I was unable to lift her, we would all stand around in the street for a few hours till dh got home

I put this scenario to them and they said yes

'we can help with your ironing' they said

coo, ta

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MannyMoeAndJack · 15/09/2008 19:55

Aren't these just great! You couldn't make them up.

'your ds doesn't meet the criteria' (this is an hoary old chestnut and it is used to fell the innocent who will meekly accept it and bother SS no more)

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MannyMoeAndJack · 15/09/2008 19:59

'and he wears nappies?' (accompanied with cynically raised eyebrows)

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PheasantPlucker · 15/09/2008 20:02

Yes, I accept that our new SS report states that your dd's needs have increased considerably since the report last year, but we will have to cancel your 3 hours a week respite anyway as it was a good will gesture last year, and we never put anything in writing to you that we can find on file.So it's your word against ours'

I hate the bastards...........

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PheasantPlucker · 15/09/2008 20:02

Yes, I accept that our new SS report states that your dd's needs have increased considerably since the report last year, but we will have to cancel your 3 hours a week respite anyway as it was a good will gesture last year, and we never put anything in writing to you that we can find on file.So it's your word against ours'

I hate the bastards...........

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MannyMoeAndJack · 15/09/2008 20:16

'when your ds starts full-time school, you will have all day to yourself' (this one obscures the fact that all children, NT and SN, go to school full-time but that NT kids don't need the additional support outside school hours that SN kids need)

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supportman · 15/09/2008 20:39

Well I can give a bit of insight to a couple of the things here. Cappuccino, officially carers are not allowed to manually lift a child once they reach two stone, which dosen't make sense as builders and such are allowed to lift upto 4 stone. I think it should come down to the personal strength and build of the carer when deciding a weight limit.

Riven, you are absolutly right about some getting more than others.

As for SS saying about pervs, how bizzare.

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CaptainPlump · 15/09/2008 21:03

DS is having his case (for direct payments) presented at a resource Panel Meeting on Thursday. I'm looking foward to hearing what excuses they come out with, as our SW says the DP funding's getting tight...

I'll keep you informed!

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MannyMoeAndJack · 15/09/2008 21:11

CP - fingers crossed for a positive outcome..

'well, I don't see what we can do that school and Health aren't already doing' (er, school is mandatory and Health is a pead. appointment once every 9mths or so)

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jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 15/09/2008 22:09

You've had mine from today elsewhere but

'well what's going to happen when he gets older- he's going to have to learn that it's unacceptable to treat people like that'

(so what we'll do some sort of lobotomy to remove the autism shall we )

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daisy5678 · 15/09/2008 22:25

Yurt - have had the same. And 'he'll just have to learn to do what he's told/ what's right/ what's sensible/ what's safe'.

Must admit, people have all been better since the autism dx because it has made it obvious that actually he finds it very hard to do any of those things and is not just being awkward!

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jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 15/09/2008 22:29

School have been very supportive as have clinical psychs. SS send them in or go and find them and ask 'can anything be done to stop ds1 doing this?' and they say 'no- it's essential the environment is made safe' or 'no that;s autism isn't it'.

Bless them.

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MannyMoeAndJack · 16/09/2008 07:51

yes, we've had similar too:

'your ds has to learn boundaries, you must set boundaries, make them consistent and he will learn' (tell him that)

We've had lots of contradictory reports from SS too:

report recommendation 1: ds needs more freedom in the house to learn about boundaries

report contradiction 1 (could be on the same page as the recommendation): ds needs constant 1-1 supervision at all times

How they square freedom with constant supervision is a mute point (excuse the pun) but then, they are a law unto themselves.

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jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 16/09/2008 07:55

PMSL

I had a bit of a to-do with the woman yesterday who started talking about the benefits of inclusion. I reminded her that the only way a child like ds1 can access activities is if they exclusive. Once they're exclusive then things like queues become unimportant & doors get locked. Saying 'oh we have a lovely event here that anyone who wants to can come to' doesn't actually allow him to access anything at all.

INclusion policies lead to social exclusion of some of those with the most complex needs

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