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OK, let's have all your excuses/comments from SS and similar

(53 Posts)
MannyMoeAndJack Mon 15-Sep-08 18:20:51

This is my second attempt at this thread - this time with a title.

Slightly droll this - but let's share the reasons for why we or our disabled dc have been refused help from SS or similar plus some of the least helpful/most banal comments that such agencies have told you:

I'll go first (I have many!):

'Your ds is still very young - we don't usually think about providing respite care until the child is about 7yrs old' (implication: we don't care if you drop dead of exhaustion in the meantime because that will save us money)

'you need to set boundaries' (no, really?)

SpookyMadMummy Mon 15-Sep-08 18:41:12

My sister got:
'You don't have any other children - regardless of whether or not you are a single parent you should manage' hmm

Seuss Mon 15-Sep-08 18:44:19

shock That's appalling!

MannyMoeAndJack Mon 15-Sep-08 18:49:11

'All parents of young children find life hard going' (implication: your severely ASD ds, who is non-verbal and doubly incontinent challenges you in the same way to how an NT child challenges their parent)

SpookyMadMummy Mon 15-Sep-08 18:52:44

Oops should say my sister's Ds has ADHD and Asberger's. He was 8 at the time when she asked SS for respite.

sarah293 Mon 15-Sep-08 18:58:16

Message withdrawn

daisy5678 Mon 15-Sep-08 19:01:47

(Before the autism dx) "Well, ADHD isn't really a disability. All children have behavioural problems at some point."

coldshowers Mon 15-Sep-08 19:14:36

Oh I had the most bazaare convo with SW once. I wasn't asking for help, in fact I wanted them to leave me the hell alone. She turned up unnanounced, dd was unwell at the time, high temp etc, was on the sofa in just a nappy, she's 7 but incontinent.
SW went off at me, she should be dressed, what if a male SW had come with her...did I realise how many more peadophiles there were around today etc etc etc.
She's on her own sofa in her own house you bloody loon..I didn't say this (although I wanted to) I mostly just looked like this > shock

cyberseraphim Mon 15-Sep-08 19:23:21

SS employ SW peadophiles to call unannounced ????

coldshowers Mon 15-Sep-08 19:25:24

Apparently so cyber. She was a complete fruitloop that SW though, some of the things she came out with were priceless. Why do they employ SW to work with children who have not got the first clue about children!?

moondog Mon 15-Sep-08 19:26:02

Cold, that merits a stiff letter to the head of dept. insane.

moondog Mon 15-Sep-08 19:26:11

Cold, that merits a stiff letter to the head of dept. insane.

Cappuccino Mon 15-Sep-08 19:29:13

when I was pg with dd2 we asked for short-term help with dd1 because I might have a section and not be able to lift for a few weeks

they said they could help with everything but lifting

so theoretically I could come home with dd1 in the buggy from pre-school, but if I was unable to lift her, we would all stand around in the street for a few hours till dh got home

I put this scenario to them and they said yes

'we can help with your ironing' they said

coo, ta

MannyMoeAndJack Mon 15-Sep-08 19:55:55

Aren't these just great! You couldn't make them up.

'your ds doesn't meet the criteria' (this is an hoary old chestnut and it is used to fell the innocent who will meekly accept it and bother SS no more)

MannyMoeAndJack Mon 15-Sep-08 19:59:47

'and he wears nappies?' (accompanied with cynically raised eyebrows)

PheasantPlucker Mon 15-Sep-08 20:02:49

Yes, I accept that our new SS report states that your dd's needs have increased considerably since the report last year, but we will have to cancel your 3 hours a week respite anyway as it was a good will gesture last year, and we never put anything in writing to you that we can find on file.So it's your word against ours'

I hate the bastards...........

PheasantPlucker Mon 15-Sep-08 20:02:51

Yes, I accept that our new SS report states that your dd's needs have increased considerably since the report last year, but we will have to cancel your 3 hours a week respite anyway as it was a good will gesture last year, and we never put anything in writing to you that we can find on file.So it's your word against ours'

I hate the bastards...........

MannyMoeAndJack Mon 15-Sep-08 20:16:21

'when your ds starts full-time school, you will have all day to yourself' (this one obscures the fact that all children, NT and SN, go to school full-time but that NT kids don't need the additional support outside school hours that SN kids need)

supportman Mon 15-Sep-08 20:39:11

Well I can give a bit of insight to a couple of the things here. Cappuccino, officially carers are not allowed to manually lift a child once they reach two stone, which dosen't make sense as builders and such are allowed to lift upto 4 stone. I think it should come down to the personal strength and build of the carer when deciding a weight limit.

Riven, you are absolutly right about some getting more than others.

As for SS saying about pervs, how bizzare.

CaptainPlump Mon 15-Sep-08 21:03:51

DS is having his case (for direct payments) presented at a resource Panel Meeting on Thursday. I'm looking foward to hearing what excuses they come out with, as our SW says the DP funding's getting tight...

I'll keep you informed!

MannyMoeAndJack Mon 15-Sep-08 21:11:25

CP - fingers crossed for a positive outcome..

'well, I don't see what we can do that school and Health aren't already doing' (er, school is mandatory and Health is a pead. appointment once every 9mths or so)

jimjamshaslefttheyurt Mon 15-Sep-08 22:09:38

You've had mine from today elsewhere but

'well what's going to happen when he gets older- he's going to have to learn that it's unacceptable to treat people like that'

(so what we'll do some sort of lobotomy to remove the autism shall we hmm)

daisy5678 Mon 15-Sep-08 22:25:35

Yurt - have had the same. And 'he'll just have to learn to do what he's told/ what's right/ what's sensible/ what's safe'.

Must admit, people have all been better since the autism dx because it has made it obvious that actually he finds it very hard to do any of those things and is not just being awkward!

jimjamshaslefttheyurt Mon 15-Sep-08 22:29:30

School have been very supportive as have clinical psychs. SS send them in or go and find them and ask 'can anything be done to stop ds1 doing this?' and they say 'no- it's essential the environment is made safe' or 'no that;s autism isn't it'.

Bless them.

MannyMoeAndJack Tue 16-Sep-08 07:51:54

yes, we've had similar too:

'your ds has to learn boundaries, you must set boundaries, make them consistent and he will learn' (tell him that)

We've had lots of contradictory reports from SS too:

report recommendation 1: ds needs more freedom in the house to learn about boundaries

report contradiction 1 (could be on the same page as the recommendation): ds needs constant 1-1 supervision at all times

How they square freedom with constant supervision is a mute point (excuse the pun) but then, they are a law unto themselves.

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