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Feeling guilty about DS, should I be?

(8 Posts)
ManxMum Sun 14-Sep-08 19:20:23

DS4 is 8.3 has asd,GDD and verbal dyspraxia and is classed as 4+ on the special needs scale. He is quite happy in the evenings and weekends to stay in his bedroom with his TV, vhs, dvd and PC. Sometimes, he appears downstairs and commandeers our tv and his laptop.

I feel guilty that I am not doiing more with him. He is not interested in me joining him except to assist with a problem like his dvd not going. Should I be forcing him to spend time with us? He is at school 5 days a week and is happy there and has an evenings respite once a week, which he also enjoys.

I suppose if he were a teenager, I wouldn't feel so guilty!

Peachy Sun 14-Sep-08 19:25:11

I'd probably ecourage something 1-1 (story, etc) each night ten leave him to it.

Dont think we have the sn scale here in wales

WhatFabNewNails Sun 14-Sep-08 19:35:31

My ds (quad cp) is like this, although in his defence he is a young teenager.
Luckily his bedroom is downstairs so until the door-slamming began recently we could call out to each other, which mostly consisted of 'mum come and look at this game'.
We go swimming together weekly and he rides after school one evening so we eat out/have takeaway together then which provides some 1-2-1 time. (As opposed to sitting at the table with the other family members.)
Sometimes I take my book into his room and have a lie on his bed (memory foam mattress - it's lovely) so we might drift into some meaningful conversation. Although recently I mostly get chucked out.

CaptainPlump Sun 14-Sep-08 19:57:01

What's the SN scale? I've never heard of it here in SE England!

ManxMum Sun 14-Sep-08 19:59:18

My son has no speech at all, so he doesn't call out to me for contact, if he wants anything, crisps, drink, pants etc, he comes to me. He doesn't enjoy the garden, as next doors' dogs frighten him, so he won't go out there. I really need to find something he likes that doesn't involve food!

ManxMum Sun 14-Sep-08 20:04:27

The scale was in our special needs nursery school and IIRC it was:
1 - mild learning difficulties, needing a bit of extra help in the classroom through to 5 - extreme learning difficulties, no mobility etc.

4+ - extreme and profound leaning difficulties.

Tried cooking with him, play-doh and drawing, but no interest, except in eating the cooking when finished.

siblingrivalry Sun 14-Sep-08 20:15:15

IMVHO, I think all you can do is suggest 1:1 time, but if he isn't interested then just let him be alone.
My dd is a bit like this (pre dx asd) and I asked about it last week at CAMHS. They told me that she doesn't have the opportunity to be alone at school, so it's okay to let her slope off by herself at home. She will interact for craft activities/cooking etc but still needs a huge amount of time on the computer. HTH smile

ManxMum Mon 15-Sep-08 12:41:52

Thank you for your replies. I think if I try and do something that he might like to join in with and he decides he doesn't want to, then ok. I just need to be where he can find me when he wants me and can hear me.

Feel a lot less guilty now!! Thank You!!

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