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Accepting my own disability....(long and moany, sorry!)

(1 Post)
LollipopViolet Wed 10-Sep-08 12:00:58

Sorry, just need to get this down somewhere.

I start university on Monday and at the minute I'm torn between trying to make myself fit in, and not being ashamed to show that I've got additional needs. I've had a DSA assessment and I point blank refused a note taker because everyone would know I was different and because I've been bullied before, I didn't want to risk it again.

I had use of a laptop in school, chose not to use it because of snidey jealous kids having a go. Got whined at by people in college because I was coming in/leaving on council run transport. Got grief because when I was having big transport problems (never in on time grrr) the tutors didn't mind me being late, but if they were they got told off...etc etc ad nauseum.

So now I've got another chance, and I just want to be like everybody else. But deep down I know I'm not. I've had to watch/listen to people preaching the joys of being able to drive (I can't), of being able to get a bus home in the dark (I can but it's harder, and I don't like doing it) etc. I don't want any specialist help in uni, no equipment, nothing (I am getting equipment but it's either for home use or very discreet).

I just cannot accept that I'm different. I hate this, I feel totally helpless in new places, because I don't know my way round and can't follow spoken directions well, I'm going into this with no mobility training because it's not been sorted yet....urgh I'm glad I've got sight, and I'm glad I don't have to deal with the difficulties your DC face, but I hate having this impairment sometimes! Does that make me a bad person?

Sorry, long and rambly I know, but needed to get it out.

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