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do your dc's "get" death? and if so how?

(8 Posts)
2shoes Mon 08-Sep-08 21:50:31

dd understands as she has had freinds die.
today I told her about her nan. I got as far as "you know nan has been very ill" and she looked at the ceiling(heaven) no tears, but she understood.
I asked her later, just to check she understood, "where is Nan" she looked at the ceiling again and sais her dads name(she calls him by his name as she can say it easier than dad) and I said "what with dad's dad"(who is dead) and she said yes.
I was gobsmacked.

expatinscotland Mon 08-Sep-08 21:53:49

i thought she did.

our beloved Persian, Smokey, died last October.

she knew he was dead.

we never said he'd passed away or moved on or gone to sleep.

we told her he was ill and he'd died and gone to a better place where he'd never be ill again.

then the other day she said, 'Smokey's dead.'

i said, 'yes, he had cancer and died.'

and she said, 'you and daddy didn't want him anymore, that's why he's not with us now.'


i just have to keep reminding her that when someone dies it doesn't mean they left because they weren't wanted.

magso Tue 09-Sep-08 09:55:16

Ds has very literal thinking. He said he did not want to go to Heaven! When I asked why he said its 'full of dead people!' So I guess he may have understood death but not the concept of heaven! He asked if he could have Daddies car when he dies! (not immenent I hope)!

pagwatch Tue 09-Sep-08 14:24:47

My darling dad died 4 years ago and i am still not sure that DS2 really understands.
We finally went to visit my mum at her house recently ( she usually comes to us) and she has changed everything. DS2 didn't say anything but on the way home he was really crying. He never mentions my dad until he is at that really sleepy nightime stage and then he asks sometimes.
I find it very difficult tbh because I think when i die he will just think I have left him . I find that unbelievably hard.

magso Tue 09-Sep-08 15:31:48

To be honest ds is really too unemotional about death for comfort! But he understands (all be it in a basic way) we are sad and do not want to loose our beloved family members - or him! It must be very hard if your dc cannot imagine death and our nt sadness. We are having to prepare him for potential loss (but not my dh!) so it is topical and have worked on letting ds know dgp does not want to leave any of us. I have no idea if he understands its finality I suspect not.

anonandlikeit Tue 09-Sep-08 16:43:23

No, we thought he was understanding we told him when the goldfish died & our neighbour.
We said they were ill & the DR couldn't make them better so they had gone to heaven.

Then when we went on holiday he wanted to know if he would see them again in DEVON!

So i think i need to check his understanding a bit more.

Tclanger Tue 09-Sep-08 20:37:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tclanger Tue 09-Sep-08 20:38:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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