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I would love to say today went well for dd but....

(11 Posts)
siblingrivalry Mon 08-Sep-08 21:06:57 was awful.sad
She went into school ok (helped by one of her friends having a present for her). When I went to pick dd2 up from the preschool at 11.30, dd1's class was playing outside. DD1 came running to me and said 'I hate school. I want to go home now.' Then she refused to go back inside when her classmates did and I virtually had to propel her towards her classroom. She was upset and I felt dreadful.

She spent ages running and flapping
after school and then became irritable and argumentative. Basically, she is begging not to go back tomorrow and it's just heartbreaking to see her like that.

I know loads of MNers have similar experiences with their dc. How do you cope? Any suggestions welcome smile

Then, dd2 started running back and forth this
evening, flapping. When I asked her what she was doing she said, ''I'm running like dd1''.
I can't explain why, but I wanted to cry.

In the midst of all of all of this negativity,there was some excellent news - we have an OT appointment on Monday. We were told that we would have to wait til the end of October/November, so we are thrilled.

Sorry for the doom and gloom. I am really tearful lately; think I am just a bit overwhelmed.

How about everyone else - had a good day?

Icanseethesea Mon 08-Sep-08 21:11:56

No experience of this but sad for you.

Well done though on the OT appt

siblingrivalry Mon 08-Sep-08 21:36:07

Thankyou - I appreciate you posting, sea smile

luckylady74 Mon 08-Sep-08 21:52:26

Sorry to hear this sad.
I can so relate to the heart sinking over sibling's copying AS stuff- my twins ask the same ridiculous rote questions that ds1 asks a billion times a day and it's the last straw!
Settling in to school is really hard and my ds1 wasn't expressive when he started, but I think he would have said something similar to your dd if he could. Can you go in a little early and have a quick word with the teacher just saying you're worried and what's she like in class?
Ds1's class ta would ring me if I'd had to carry him in screaming - I'd get home to an answering machine message saying he's settled down and was doing lego. This may have been because if he's tearful I'm prone to looking a little tearful myself!
I used to get a nonstop litany in the morning of 'I don't want to go' and I just used to repeat monotonously that boys have to go to school to learn reading,writing and how to get on with other boys and I would be there at 330 to see him.
When he was calmer we did talk about all the people he knows like his cousins and so on that go to school too. We also talked about how he could get a job like daddy too (it's his aim in life to spend every minute with his dad!)
Tommorrow is another day - hope it's better.

Tclanger Mon 08-Sep-08 23:04:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 09-Sep-08 07:28:52


Well done for getting the OT appt on Monday; hope that goes well for you both. My guess though is that they won't say all that much; certainly not give you a diagnosis for instance.

What, if anything, have CAMHS done to date?.

Is your DD under the care of a developmental paed; this is the person she really needs to see. GP can refer you to such a person.

Is she on anything like School Action plus at school?. Is there an IEP in place?. What have school said to date?.

Regarding school I would now seriously consider applying for a Statement for your DD. This document is legally binding and will give her support in class. You don't need Schools permission or a diagnosis to do this. It can be used for social needs as well as academic ones.

Sorry for all the questions btw.

You are your child's best - and only - advocate.

Widemouthfrog Tue 09-Sep-08 14:15:26

Hi sibling,

Sorry you have had such an awful time. I can relate to all of this. My DS had complete school refusal when he started in reception last year. I have posted on another thread to you about applying for a statement, but you said the school felt that she did not need 1:1. I would argue that this sort of stress and meltdown indicates that she very definitely does need some further support, and I would be looking at getting a request for a statutory assessment done ASAP - it takes at least 6 months to get a statement finalised. The only way to deal with this is lots of preparation and planning with the child for all school transitions - that does not just mean the big ones at the start of the school. year, but all those daily ones too - e.g. class to playground, and back again. A 1:1 TA can take charge of this, even if this is only required for unstructured play times.

I would add that if my DS saw me while he was at school he would react very badly too. I have to keep a very low profile around school. he saw me once in the headteachers office and he went ballistic.

Good luck hope today is better.

siblingrivalry Tue 09-Sep-08 21:16:31


Have just logged on -thanks so much to everyone for their support and advice.

DD has a timetable now, so that should help a bit, TCLANGER.

Attila, there's no need to aplogise for the questions I appreciate your input smile.
At school, there is nothing in place ATM, apart from the head bringing in an Independent Learning Advisor to give the school advice on how to help dd.
What is School Action Plus? I am so clueless and am desperate to learn about these things.

Had a great meeting with the school last week and they said they are willing to do whatver is necessary to help dd, but that she doesn't need 1:1 support. As Widemouthfrog says, her stress and meltdowns indicate otherwise so I am going to bring it up when I see the head on Thursday.
The problem is that dd always tells teachers etc she is 'fine' - it seems to be her learned response and no-one ever looks further.
Frog, your comment about the transition from class to playground really struck a cord. DD seemed less stressed tonight and said that it was great today cos it was raining so there was no outdoor play hmm. A link there maybe?

With regards to CAMHS, I am really starting to lose faith in them. We have the ADOS test in 2 weeks, but I rang and requested an appointment with them (it's tomorrow at 3.30).

Basically, last week dd was upset -not in an hysterical way - and said that she was sick of being worried about everything. She then said she wished she was in a grave, because then she wouldn't feel horrible any moresad.
I rang Camhs the next day and the woman we have been seeing said 'she knows how to say things that get to you'! WTF?!

I also spoke to our GP who said that it was best for CAMHS to handle the referrals etc and that he would only get involved if things weren't working with CAMHS and that it is too early to suggest that.

I am starting to feel as though I am imagining things with dd,like an over-anxious parent.

Apologies for the mammoth post, but many, many thanks to all of you for reminding me why I need to push harder for help and for giving me gentle nudges in the right direction. I know I've said it before, but I can't express how grateful I am xx

Tclanger Tue 09-Sep-08 22:51:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 10-Sep-08 13:48:35


I don't think you are an over anxious parent at all; you just want to help your DD as much as possible.

I would ask your GP to refer your DD now to a developmental paediatrician. CAMHS do not seem up to the job at all.

School Action Plus is where outside agencies (e.g occupational therapist, SALT, specialist teacher) are involved in making up the child's Individual Education Plan (IEP). The IEP is reviewed termly by both you and the school. School Action plus though is limited overall in its scope. It will not provide 1 to 1 support for instance.

Would urge you to apply for statutory assessment aka a Statement from your LEA asap. School should hopefully back you up in your request but apply for it yourself. IPSEA are very good; you can use their model letters.

You may want to contact the National Autistic Society as well; they can give you lots of information.

Good luck with CAMHS today. If they are not helpful this time around, ask your GP to refer you to a developmental paediatrician.

siblingrivalry Wed 10-Sep-08 21:13:00

Thanks for posting, Tclanger and Attila. Amazingly, CAMHS have eventually --got their backsides into gear-- started to act.
We had an appointment this afternoon and dh and I voiced all of our concerns about dd.
The upshot was that we have a referral to a multi-disciplinary team (including an ed psch). Hurrah!!

I also asked questions about the ADOS test and asked what is making them suspect ASD. Apparently, although dd's social and communication skills show that she has mild problems,there are large concerns about her 'inflexibility of thinking'. Also,her hand flapping is a 'red flag'.

There are also likely to be anxiety issues and OCD. They are particularly worried about her anxiety levels ATM sad.

An unexpected 'bonus' was that they witnessed dd exhibiting a lot of the behaviour we are concerned about. I only say it's a bonus because it backs up what we have been saying. DD was flicking her fingers, wringing her hands and refused to make any eye contact or efforts at a 2-way conversation. It was actually quite sad to see the woman trying to engage dd, when her only response was 'thankyou' or her fixed smile.

Thanks again for everyone's advice. It gave me the knowledge and courage to push forward smile

Sorry for over-use of speech marks!

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