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SN children

Another supermarket gem....

39 replies

eidsvold · 21/02/2005 21:42

I seem to get them all the time - people saying stupid things to me.

Last week had to take 2 dd's grocery shopping - usually go by myself. It was a nightmare... dd1 was really playing up - mainly cause she was tired and partly as we have terrible twos every now and then.

I have old women glaring at me cause dd1 is screaming and dd2 decides to cry with her for good measure.

I get to the checkout ( harassed and totally fed up) and the checkout chick ( old woman) asks me 'Do you know what her learning capabilities will be?' in reference to dd1. I wanted to tell her to mind her own bloody business and hurry up and put my shopping through before I totally lose it. I just shook my head not daring to open my mouth...

What do you say to a question like that?!?!?

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maisystar · 21/02/2005 21:43

what on earth did she mean?!

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eidsvold · 21/02/2005 21:46

I have no idea... except to think she picked up on the fact that dd has down syndrome and thought she might ask an intelligent question?!?!?!

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maisystar · 21/02/2005 21:50

god stoopid woman, why can people in supermarkets not accept that their 'advice' is NOT required.

an 'elderly lady' asked me once why i wasn't wearing a wedding ring. cos i'm not married but i had a child with me.......

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ThomCat · 21/02/2005 21:50

OMG! You really do get some strange, and nasty remarks in supermarkets don't you

What a stupid old witch.
My gut instinct would be to say 'I'm not sure yet what her learning capabilities will be but one things for sure she'll be a lot brighter than you, and a lot more polite as well, oh and just out of interest what qualifications have YOU got to get you a job checking out our shopping?'

Sorry you have come across another silly oild, nosey cow Edisvold.

Anyway, how is your little monkey doing, how is her walking coming along, I want updates

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eidsvold · 21/02/2005 21:52

TC she has not tried to do it again since that day although like you - we make her walk by holding onto her and she does the legs - when she can be bothered..... but we do have lots of squatting and sitting up on her haunches like she is ready to stand up and go.....

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ImuststopdrinkingBlossomhill · 21/02/2005 21:53

Why can't people keep there mouths shut FFS

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ThomCat · 21/02/2005 21:58

oh how frustrating that she's not done it again. i remember the 1st time Lottie pulled to stand, I was so excited, told the world and she's never really done it since! That won't be the case with the wlking I'm sure but you just think ' you monkey, I know you can do it so come on, keep doing it'.

Well keep me posted on her progress, it's good to hear your news.

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Merlot · 22/02/2005 16:46

ffs what planet are some people on? It never fails to amaze me how crass people can sometimes be!

Last year my mum was at a National Trust Property when a young woman with Downs Syndrome came up to her and pointed at my mums jumper and said "Marks and Spencer!". My mum laughed and said that she was absolutely right and the young woman replied I've got one'. A couple of minutes later an elderly man (who was completely unconnected to the young woman) came up to my mum and said what did she want?' I am happy to say that my mum had the presence of mind to reply `well if she wanted you to know, she would tell you wouldn't she!!'


Absolute Bl**dy cheek of some people

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LGJ · 22/02/2005 17:05

Hurray for Merlots mum

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Beetroot · 22/02/2005 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LGJ · 22/02/2005 17:16

Not quite the same, but I was in Asda recently and Ds was going through the I dont want to go in the trolley phase.

Made a deal if he walked and didn't run off he could stay out of the trolley....OK Mummy....that lasted all of about 5 minutes. So into the trolley with him, or rather that was the plan, he went rigid with anger and screamed the place down.

Two shop assistants looked at me and rolled their eyes as if to say kids who would have them, but in a nice way.

This girl with an infant just stood there staring at me, so in an effort to do the solidarity thing, I said,it was so easy when he was that age.

To which she replied,well I have a ten year old at home and he never carried on like that.

Don't ask me where it came from but like a flash, I came back with, you don't look old enough to have a ten year old, but then I hear they start young around here

Apologies to all young mums, but she kinda sort of deserved it.

And she did only look 15.

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sacha3taylor · 22/02/2005 17:27

I get that a lot, i am only 23 and have 3 children. They all have the same father and we are married, but i look quite young for my age [still get refused to buy wine if i am by myself with no make up on!] I get some really horrible looks, especially from old women, it drives me up the wall!

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LGJ · 22/02/2005 17:33

sacha3taylor

It is a pain isn't ??

My post was in no way I dig at young mums of whom I know several, it was just me being happy that for once I had words at will, whether they were quite PC or not

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sacha3taylor · 22/02/2005 17:40

I always get home and think of something really whitty that i could of said, but can never think of anything when i am put on the spot!!!!! My mum thinks i am mad for moaning about looking young, and say's i will will regret moaning in 10 years, and i probebly will. I don't mean to sound like i am moaning about it, sorry

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LGJ · 22/02/2005 17:44

Your mum is right, when I was in my early twenties I used to get refused, late motherhood soon fixed that I look every month of it.

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Keane · 22/02/2005 17:56

eidsvold thats a shocker

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MandM · 25/02/2005 10:38

I was in Asda on Saturday with dd, which she loves as she gets to say 'Hello' to every single person we pass on every single aisle! Anyway, we passed a trolley with another little girl about the same age in it and dd said 'Hello', the little girl didn't answer, just stared at her, on the next aisle dd said 'Hello' to her again and this time the little girl stuck her tongue, at which the mother smirked, not even so much as a 'don't be rude'. On the next aisle (the last one in the store thank god) dd said 'Hello' again(!) and this time the little girl said 'Go away horrible girl, I don't like the look of you'. I looked at the mother waiting for her to reprimand her daughter or make her apologise and what did she do - laughed, patted her on the head and said 'Good girl' .

I've thought of a million and one cutting remarks since Saturday, but what did I do at the time? Stand there open mouthed like a dummy and then feel like I'd let dd down - I should have stood up for her.

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Pinotmum · 25/02/2005 10:46

No you did the right thing and set your dd a good example. What an odd mother the other one was - when her dd has no friends she can wonder why. Your dd sounds like a lovely child.

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SleepyJess · 25/02/2005 10:50

OMG M & M that is awful! I feel quite sorry for that child really.. missing out on the opportunity to be greeting by your sweet, open, loving, friendly DD and more horrifyingly, being brought up by a mother who clearly has some kind of social disorder!

My DS likes to greet people constantly.. it's his favourite thing.. and supermarkets/shopping trips are his absolute favourite places to be because he can greet so many people in one or two hours! He says 'Hello!' to everyone (and he can't really say all that much at all.. has cp..) and if they are within reach, he likes to shake their hands! Most of the time he seems to genuinely brighten people's days.. I have seen miserable looking people muster up a smile and then go away smiling because of a brief exchange with my little man. In a craft shop the other day a man went to great lengths to avoid him however (small shop but he tried to hide from DS anyway!).. so DS got louder and louder saying 'Hello! Hello Man!' and trying to peep at him! Eventually the man fled from the shop (imagine being 'afraid' of my jolly little 4 year old in his wheelchair! Sad sad person!) and DS tried to grab his hand as he squeezed past the wheelchair. He snatched it away and for a second the smile fell off Ds's face (he doesn't usually notice being being ignorant and negative towards him thank goodness)..and said 'Hand! Hand!' to the man who disappeared out the door! I wanted to run after him and PUNCH him.. (had PMT that day!) A special pre school head once descibed my DS as having 'high social intelligene' - a statement which I have held close to my heart ever since... because I don't know what other 'intelligence' he has - it is very hard to assess - but this certainly makes sense I we fully agree with!

I know how upsetting these episodes are.. and if it makes you feel better, rehearse a few one liners in case these events occur.. even mild ones such as 'she only wants to say hello.. her condtion isn't catching you know'.

((hugs))

SJ x

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coppertop · 25/02/2005 10:52

MandM - I don't think there's anything you can say to people like that. I doubt the other little girl will win any popularity contest as she gets older if her mother encourages that kind of thing.

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Gwenick · 25/02/2005 10:57

MandM that's awful!!! I hate people like that (my children are NT Btw).

But the other day I was sat in Morrisons cafe 'pigging' out (cakes and hot chocolates all round ) with my 2 DS's. The youngest one (14 months) sat in his pushchair grinning at everyone within 'sight' of him. Now I know he's my child so I could sound biased but he DOES have a beautiful smile (his brother's was cute at that age too - but DS2 definitely has the edge on him it's the first thing people comment on when they meet him). Anyhow, 'most' people gave a smile back and walked on with a little smile on their faces - but one women didn't just 'ignore' him (she looked straight at him so I know she saw him) but even 'accidently' bumped the pushchair as she walked past (interesting that she managed to do this when several pushchairs and one wheelchair had already passed by without any problems). It made me SO mad.

On a brighter note a lady sat at the table opposite us who I'd guess has SN didn't really respond at all - she looked quite lonely actually felt sorry for her. But I happened to see her in town a few days later and she must have recognised us as she gave a little smile a DS2

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Merlot · 25/02/2005 10:57

FFS!

I am hopping mad on your behalf!

This woman sounds like she has a far greater problem than anything any of our children could possibly have - she sounds pure evil. I just feel so sorry for her child, what chance does she have?

Definitely worth thinking up a stock of one-liners - maybe we ought to start up a thread for that purpose?

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LGJ · 25/02/2005 11:02
Shock
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MandM · 25/02/2005 11:11

Thank you everyone. I have been feeling so bad about this all week. Even though it was only a relatively small incident that I can normally deal with and forget about, it just seemed to really upset me and especially my frustration at not responding (or punching the mother!). I think it hit home because I've been worrying about how dd will be accepted by her classmates when she starts school in September (mainstream with full-time support). But you're right, it's children like the other little girl who will have problems making friends, not my gorgeous dd. She already has children fighting over who's going to sit with her and help her take her coat off when I drop her at nursery!
SleepyJess - your ds sounds so like dd. She has cp too, aswell as Williams Syndrome. Her language is very delayed but she is so sociable and outgoing and manages to make people smile most of the time, although we do get the odd idiot like you described who will go out of the way to avoid her rather than having to say 'Hello' back. I mean ffs how much effort would it take to say 'hello' to a 3 year old?! .
A one-liner thread would be a great idea Merlot (although I've got a feeling that on this board it could descend into one-liners of a different kind!! )

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SleepyJess · 25/02/2005 12:40

m&m rushing madly here.. but just to say, I had all your concerns last year.. but so far, it is all going great.. Ds is in mainstream..and has SO many friends. i still have concerns for the future.. but I am shelving them because for now, everyone loves him.. and fights over him! And he has a harem of admirers who rush into his arms as he is pushed regally into the classroom in the morning! His teacher and one to one find it very amusing!

What is Williams syndrome?(to save me looking it up, lol!) DS does not have a proper diagnosis.. cp is just a description for him.. nobody really knows what his problems are caused by.. he has been tested for many things. I wonder what else your DD and my DS have in common.. will post a 'clinical description' of him later.. you already know the 'real essence' of him.. the bits that really matter!
Keep smiling.. keep the mad old supermarket troll out of your head!

SJ x

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