Dds toilet phobia

[Marne]

Dd1 (as) uses a childs toilet seet on our toilet, she started MS school today and refuses to use the toilet as she has never not used her seet. She's doing half days at school till november so thinks she can wait till she gets home and use her toilet seet.

Evry time i try and sit her on thew loo she goes ridged and shakes with fear, she also screems with fear. I dont want to force her or scair her but i have tried evrything, i have even offered her new toys but she says 'no thankyou'.

I think she is worried about falling in. I have just tried to put her on it and it ended up with us both crying, dd got so upset and i felt so guilty.

im not sure if this has anythingv to do with her (as), she does'nt take well to trying new things and worries about what might happen (falling).

Any tips please.

[twocutedarlings]

I wouldnt push it tbh, she has enough to cope with at the moment with starting school. Can she not just have a trainer seat to use at school?. I know that as DDs school they have them in the reception/Y1 toilets.

[Marne]

Im worried if i let her take her seet to school it will make it harder to stop using it. they have smaller toilets at school but she is still worried about sitting on them. We had problems getting her from potty to toilet seat, in the end her nursery leader took the potty away and she used the toilet seat. At the moment she would rather wet herself than use the big toilet

I will have a word with her teacher in the morning to see what she thinks, maybe they have delt with this problem before and know how to deal with it.

[kt14]

I'd say choose your battles on this one, I'd definitely let her take in the seat (or use one of theirs) if using the toilet is distressing her so much, and then leave it a few weeks before you try to encourage her to use the big toilets again. Once she's feeling settled in her new environment it might not be such a scary thing for her.

[Marne]

Spoke to her teacher this morning and she said she would rather she did'nt use her toilet seat but if she got realy upset she would let her use it rather than wetting herself. She also told me she had a letter from our doctor telling her about dd's (AS), i expained that dd gets realy upet about little things and if she gets upset about the toilet isue then she wont enjoy going to school.
She said i can bring a toilet seat in and not tell dd so they can use it iff they realy have to.

This little problem is realy getting me and dd down, i just want her to enjoy school and not worry about going to the toilet.

[twocutedarlings]

This all seems very petty to me tbh, did she give you a reason why she would prefer her not to use it?

My DD (5 AS) had issues with using the loo's when she first started school last year, (differant reasons to your DD) and she very quickly worked out that if she didnt drink anything, then she wouldnt need to go!!, in the end she finished up with numerous UTI'S because she wasnt drinking enough.

[Marne]

Yes im worried, dd knows that if she goes before school and does'nt drink too much milk at break time she will be ok till she gets home

As most AS children dd is very bright (can read, write etc..), i dont want this little problem to efect how well she gets on at school.

I am very upset and worried about this as i had the same problem as a child and would wet myself rather than go to the loo, i realy dont want her to be upset, i would like her to use the loo but i dont want to upset her. I know if i could get her to do it once she will be fine, we have had this problem with alot of things (potty training, different food, new bed etc..) and once she has done it she is fine after alot of praise.

We are going to the shops today to but her another toilet seat hopefuly with a bigger hole than hers to possibly take to school.

[amber32002]

If it helps, take this explanation to the teacher:

"Going to the loo, for a person with an ASD.
Very very important as no way can we cope with the sensations or smells or reactions of other people if we get it wrong.
But it means going into a room which smells so strongly that we almost faint - either from bad smells or from perfumes and bleaches. And it echoes, which cuts across our hearing. And we have to cope with the cold of the toilet seat, which is SO painful. And the scratchiness of the loo paper, which again just hurts and I wish people would realise it did.

Our sense of balance is dreadful. We're quite capable of overbalancing, and if we do, then the pain from falling in the loo would push us into complete not-coping and it might take us an hour or two to recover from it.

We also rely on routines. If we know we can cope with the feel of a particular seat when things are this overwhelming for us, and that seat isn't there any more, it's SO scary.

A way to safeguard us from falling into the loo is our way to make this whole experience even a tiny bit safer for us.

Life with an ASD is totally different to how it is for other people. Our whole experience of life is felt, heard, smelt and seen differently. Please, please Mrs Teacher, respect it if you can."

[Marne]

Thankyou so much Amber, thats so helpful, i will show this to her teacher when i take her toilet seat in tommorrow.

I think balance is her main problem, last week she fell from the climbing frame in the park (its taken a long time to teach her to get up there) now she refuses to go near any play equipment. She told me that she had lost her balance on the toilet a while ago and almost fell down, now she shakes with fear if she does'nt have her seet.

[Marne]

just managed to get dd to sit on the loo with me sitting behind her

She still had her trousers on but its a start, she's realy pleased with herself and said she will try again before bed.

[magso]

That sounds good progress!
I dont know if it helps but ds used to sit right back on the loo (balancing on the back rim not the front)and used the seat cover like a chair back - to feel secure. Put hand infront to prevent slipping forward. (At home there is a sink to grab).

[amber32002]

Oh forgot to say - use soft loo paper/tissues to make the seat less cold. It can really help.

[Marne]

Great tips, thankyou