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Pos aspergic child about to go to new school

(16 Posts)
Wills Sun 31-Aug-08 10:54:33

dd1 (ag 8) is about to start a new school. We've had a horrendous year at her junior school who were extremely unhelpful etc and with the area school educational psychologist supporting us completely we're about to change schools to another one far softer kinder smaller and hopefully able to handle her better. Anyway we've just got back from 3 weeks camping in Europe where she has been okish (highly occupied). She starts the new school on Thursday. The problem is that she's a ball of furious anger and hurt and anxiety etc. She's permanently lashing out at her two younger siblings who are 5 and 2 years old. We got back extremely late last night. I have ten tonnes of washing unpacking etc AND my business needs to be repicked up. Please could someone give me some coping strategies please please please

misscutandstick Sun 31-Aug-08 11:03:19

the only thing that used to calm DS1 (adhd) down a bit when he was hyped up and tired, was endless DVD's in his room and snacks (non-sugar!!!) and drinks. would that help?

I found that games consoles just wound him up even further.

DS5 (preDx Autism) finds running trains backwards and forwards in a quiet room comforting and soothing.

So, quiet room, gently occupied and keep blood sugars up with snacks. HTH XXX

Wills Sun 31-Aug-08 11:06:05

OK, that's a good idea. I defintely hear what your saying over the non sugar. It just feels like I'm trying to push her out of the way.

misscutandstick Sun 31-Aug-08 11:09:56

I used to feel that way too, until it dawned on me that its what they want/need too, they just dont realise smile

Flamesparrow Sun 31-Aug-08 11:13:48

A good diet - no processed food, no artificial anything etc helps sooooo much with DD.

Agree with something quiet away from the others being good - for DD high school musical endlessly, or playing on the laptop is about best

Wills Sun 31-Aug-08 11:17:15

Luckily from an early age I knew that processed food appear to make dd1 very angry so have always tried where possible to avoid it. Its weird how all these things are coming together.

Peachy Sun 31-Aug-08 11:22:07

ds1 is 2 years post- dx (8.5) and after mucho therapy will know about 50% of the time to take himself away now, lego i his room a favourite

as for the ther 50%- we're taking out the trashed wardrobe tomorrow and not replacing so he cannot lock more-severe ds3 in any more <<sigh>> and just replaced the bed with cupboard combo with a bedstead, meaning he has to found a new venue for his secret chem lab <<aaarrrrrggggghhhhh>>. And ds2's bruises will heal I am assued hmm

Seriously, quiet tme is a great idea, reward them when they self seek it as its a good self help skill, ds1's school has a quiet room for about 5 of them to reinforce this that they can access on demand at breaks (ds1 lives there I think)

Wills Sun 31-Aug-08 11:28:09

Also ... She wants a couple of friends to come round from her previous school. Whilst we are fully intending on maintaining these friendships completely... we wondered whether letting her have those friends round now in the few days running up to her going to her new school might not simply increase her nerves?

Flamesparrow Sun 31-Aug-08 11:37:42

Ooh i'm with you on that - it is going to reinforce the change

misscutandstick Sun 31-Aug-08 11:40:03

hmm now DD1 is sorted...

popping cbeebies/dvd's on in the room with a box of toys or 2 - DD2 & 3 will probably enjoy playing with the toys they havent seen in a while.

pop a load of washing in every time you go past (or use a kitchen timer to remind you to pop some more in every 90mins) - you mighht get fed up of the dinging, but it should get done by tonight that way.

as for the business... not sure what needs doing...


actually going to follow my own advice and do some housework! smile

misscutandstick Sun 31-Aug-08 11:41:09

cross-post... i would wait a few days to invite friends whilst shes more relaxed.

MsBombastic Sun 31-Aug-08 11:44:03

Re. old friends round that is a difficult call...But it might also reassure her that she will still see these familiar friends....

Have the new school appointed a 'buddy' to look after your DD on her first day? When my AS ds started anew school aged 10 I even rang the school the day before start (i knew teachers were there for an inset day) and reminded the form teacher that this would be important - although this was before DX.

Don't know if this is useful but the difficult bits for my ds that first day were lunchtime (buddy forgot him and he didn't know where/how to go and get lunchbox and just panicked), and the getting coats/loos bit.
He came out saying it was the worst day of his life sad, but then the next day was the BEST day of his life smile.

So be prepared for some ups and downs at first - i think you have made a sound decision in moving her.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 31-Aug-08 13:38:29


Am sorry that your DD has had to move schools; hopefully the new school will be better for her.

Is your DD under the care of a developmental paediatrician?.

BTW is there a Statement in place for your DD?.
If not I would seriously look into applying for such a document asap from the LEA in question.
You don't necessarily need a diagnosis nor permission from the school in order to apply for a Statement.

amber32002 Sun 31-Aug-08 14:20:50

From a personal viewpoint as someone with an ASD, I'd say that the friends are more likely to calm her down. She's desperately looking for enough "handholds and footholds" to get through this new social landscape. Think of a climber making their way up an unfamiliar mountain by clinging onto the rock face, feeling their way for something to hold onto. They're taught to always have three points of contact - at least two hands and a foot, or two feet and a hand. Without it, there's every chance they'll plunge to their doom.

So it is with us. We need the familiarity of our "main person" around us (main parent in the case of children), the familiarity of our surroundings, and a familiar routine. Those are our 'three points of contact'. On holiday, she only had one - you. In the new school, she'll have none of them. She's desperate to say how unsafe she feels, but has no words to explain it, so she's reacting with anger and insecurity. Even I struggle with the right words, and I'm a mature adult. Asking to have familiar friends round is one way to gain a tiny foothold on what is changing around her, perhaps?

What are her hobbies? How does she spend her quiet time when she's relaxing? We forget to do them when stressed out. Remind her, give her the space to do these, give her all the reassurance you can about what will happen in the new school, what it will look like, that you will be there at the end of the day, etc. I wish I could describe what a change of school is like for us. Vital in her case, because of all that's happened, but it's scarier than hell.

You're a great parent. You care, you want to help, she can ask no more of you really. Just be aware of how scared she is right now.

TechMNHQ Sun 31-Aug-08 19:46:01

Oh that is a good point Amber. When Flamechick was starting at preschool I knew it was going to be a wrench not having PsychoBoy2 with her, so we spent a lot of time outside of school together instead. I had forgotten that.

Wills Mon 01-Sep-08 13:32:10

Wow Amber that's an amazing description. Thankyou for such a fabulous insight into my daughter. Friend is now around, I went with my gut feeling - that of needing to give her security and feeling that a friend would do that. Thank you thank you thank you.

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