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what do say to other mums when school starts?

(6 Posts)
iwearflairs Sun 24-Aug-08 01:43:58

I handled this so badly when DS was at nursery -- didn't say anything about his AS as such but those I tried to arrange playdates with I mentioned he was having trouble making friends if it seemed helpful. I'm not sure if it was positive or not.

So now he is on the verge of big school.

What, if anything did you say to any other mothers you got to know? I am afraid I am letting DS down if I label him but perhaps it is better just to be open and let those who don't mind come forward.

My DS is on the mild end of things but can seem rude and naughty if he is anxious or in a new social setting and is pretty oblivious to the social cues of other kids.

Seuss Sun 24-Aug-08 09:08:06

I was the same when ds started at the school nursery. We didn't have ASD dx at that point though and his main issues were with speech and language, so I just used to tell the other parents that he had 'speech and language' problems. I figured if they wanted more information they could ask. I was also reluctant to use the label (partly because we weren't sure what the label was!) but I think in the long run it is easier and preferable to people thinking ds is just naughty. I just tell people now - although only if I think they need to know, if they are just being nosey they can bog off!

amber32002 Sun 24-Aug-08 09:27:36

I'd say do tell, but say the positive things too. What is he good at? Otherwise if he goes round for tea and encounters tons of social interaction and noise etc, he's bound to find it totally stressful and they won't realise why. If they can adapt it a bit to give him a chance to enjoy things, I'm sure they'd love to be able to try.

If they can set up a quiet corner for him to retreat to, not make a lot of eye contact, avoid any flashing lights or sudden loud noises, keep strong smells away from him, and give him plenty of things to do that he enjoys already, then their child will have a great new friend to play with.

Marne Sun 24-Aug-08 11:07:32

Dd1 starts school this year, she has mild AS, i have only told the school and the mother of her best friend who happens to be our neighbour. I don't feel the need to tell any one else at the moment but if i have to i will, she sometimes says things which may upset other people, i don't want people thinking she is naughty.

sickofthisrain Sun 24-Aug-08 13:36:25

this is such a tough one, I find myself torn between wanting to explain DS1 to total strangers as there is no shame in his condition and I'd like to raise awareness, and thinking that they should sod off and stop being so nosey/judgmental. I've told friends that he has a language disorder after one of them recently said that she felt ASD had a stigma attached. FGS..!!

iwearflairs Sun 24-Aug-08 14:25:00

It's a nightmare isn't it? Unfortunately though DS does have a minor expressive language disorder it's not something that anyone would really notice at this point, so I can't use that one!

I don't want people thinking he's naughty either - I really feel caught between two stools. I think on the whole it feels easier to say what it is to people who potentially matter and as you say let the nosey ones bog off!

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