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Ex's and special needs

(4 Posts)
beatrixpotter70 Sat 16-Aug-08 22:15:56

DMy ds is on the autistic spectrum with add traits. My ex has the same symptoms and via the family physcologist also has the same condition. I am no longer with the ex even though we live in the same house at the mo. I can not deal with ex as well as a 0 to 4 year old with his sister that was born only 1 year after my ds. My ex is aggressive, short tempered, does not remember anything (this is not the normal male forgetfulness either). He thinks what any body tells or suggests to him is utter c_ _ p. He is permanently fidgity and does not really like many people. Love was blind i must admit before children but then as i had them and realised that all the lies he had told me were lies and that so he could keep me and control me he agreed with things that i wanted. This little part does not really matter but i just need to know if there are any ex partners that are on teh spectrum that can not cope with looking after their children and how do you manage him seeeing the kids, taking them, letting him go out with them. My ex never remembers to hold hadns with them and my son is like grease lightning very active if you do not constantly talk to him about what is going to happen and where we are going. My ex does not remember form day to day how to look/take care of them. I dont mind him looking after them in the home as i have minimulised the danger areas. But my son is starting to say he wants daddy to take me out when i pop out and i am scared that he will and that there safety will not be important as i have never seen him remmebr to make an effort. He also just does not want to learn how to look after them, saying they are my kids i will look after them how i like. If they got run lover because he again forgot to hold their hands he would just say i forgot or lie as he does all the time. I hope this makes sense as he is next door and want to write this as quick as poss.

Seuss Sun 17-Aug-08 19:02:38

I wouldn't normally say this but I think in this circumstance I'd do everything I could to avoid him taking the children out on his own. If he's okay with them in the house perhaps you could suggest some home-based activity (film, games?) whilst you aren't there. Does he have a friend or reletive you trust to go out with them?

Seuss Sun 17-Aug-08 19:03:44

I guess you need to make it seem like you aren't trying to stop him taking them out but that staying in is the better/easier option.

beatrixpotter70 Tue 19-Aug-08 13:23:48

Its quite difficult when your kids are saying the want there daddy to take them out and pleasding with me and then he turns round and says your mother will not let me. He does not have many friends and the ones he does still do not understand how allert you have to be with ds1. I do divert situations by saying that i will come to but when they are left in the house with just him i am scared that he will soon.
I would not normally say something like this. But how come this justice for fathers thing anly looks at the kids not seeing the fathers but actually should look at are the kids being looked after in a safe way and are the fathers for special needs or special diets completing full filling. Surely if they were the ex's would not be ex's. I really do know so many fathers and mothers that have been excellent all the way through. I also know fathers that collect there chidren from ex's and drive them to a park to play on there own whilst they go down the pub or have s_x with new partner. The mum in question still says that he is a good dad. Would she be saying this if her children were taken. Or is the break from her children more desired and actually she does not care what happens when she has not got them.

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