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view's on male carers and little girls

(28 Posts)
supportman Tue 12-Aug-08 22:44:21

I have recently started working with a little girl (8) and I am not sure about nappy changing etc.

All of the places I have worked, except for a few exceptions, I have always only done personal care with the boy's and thats what I am used to.

I am concerned about her possibly missing out on activities due to issues with needing to change her, and am thinking that perhaps she is better off with having a female carer. But I am starting to think does it really matter that much, as long as the child is happy with it?

I know that she loves swimming and if I was to take her then I would have to change her as I am working 1 to 1 with her and as I have said I don't want her to miss out. Should I just get on with it? I have changed little boys more times than I can remember and it will all be much of the same.

When I took her out last week we went to soft play and mum sent us with a changing bag just incase, so it obviously dosen't bother her that much.

vjg13 Wed 13-Aug-08 11:22:24

My daughter now has a male carer who supports her for Brownies. There are no changing/toileting issues as she is independent for that. We were apprehensive on having a male as it is such a female dominated environment and the leader had to check with Brownie HQ!
This carer has been fantastic and a real hit with the leader and all the girls, he gets totally involved and my daughter loves him taking her. I think if you and the mum are fine about changing her just go for it. At the health club where my daughter goes there are family changing rooms and that would save you having to take her into the mens if you could find similar. It is a David Lloyd club and they also give a free carer card for a child with special needs.

Mamazon Wed 13-Aug-08 11:25:30

have the conversation with mum. if mum and daughter are happy then carry on regardless.

unless of course you are concerned, in which case hopefully mum can resolve any worries you have.

Marne Wed 13-Aug-08 13:10:21

I would'nt see a problem with this, my dd had a male carer at nursery and she loved him to bits, i did'nt mind one bit that he would be taking her to the toilet or changing her.

Im sure it does'nt bother the mum or she would have said something.

Raine3 Wed 13-Aug-08 14:00:14

I understand your concerns, especially as she is the first girl you have cared for but, the way I see it is that you are a proffesional doing a job that needs to be done, and if I were the mum I would be more concerned about you two getting on well together rather than your genders.

If you are the best person for the job then ... so be it.

I wish you the best of luck.

PheasantPlucker Wed 13-Aug-08 15:07:41

My dd1 had a male carer at a club in the summer last year. He was marvellous. He too had concerns re changing her, and got a female to do this, although we assured him we had no issue with it. I guess the parents are the best people to voice your concerns with. Good luck with your work.

supportman Wed 13-Aug-08 22:10:04

Thanks for the replies people, I have given it some more thought today and I know that tommorrow is going to be another crap august day angry and need an inside activity so am going to suggest the swimming.

supportman Fri 22-Aug-08 16:29:25

Just a quick update. Ended up doing a different activity last week, but finaly took her swimming today and she really enjoyed herself. Thanks for the words of encouragement, there is plans in the pipe line for a trip to chessingtons so had to get over the changing issues.

2shoes Fri 22-Aug-08 16:57:58

dd has never had a male carer, but know that she would love it, I agree with Mamszon, speak to the parents.

sarah293 Fri 22-Aug-08 17:00:07

Message withdrawn

2shoes Fri 22-Aug-08 17:14:27

the male care wouldn't bother me, but I wouldn't be keen on a man doing toileting and personal stuff like that with dd.(apart from her dad or brother)

UniS Fri 22-Aug-08 20:23:34

glad you had a good trip SMan, its not that different to a childs father taking care of them. Quite likely some poeple will have assumed you were her father*.
Heres to a good chessington trip, i hope she has a nice day there.

*unless your of different races ... my BiL gets funny looks and he IS the father, but has tottaly differnt skin colour to his kids.

supportman Sat 23-Aug-08 20:52:03

Thanks UniS, looking forward to Chessington's. Sorry Riven, but why not a male carer?

Thomcat Sat 23-Aug-08 20:59:58

If my DD's carer was as nice as you sound I'd have no qualms at all about you changing her at all. For me it's how I'd feel about you as a person not what sex you are. The mother of the child you look after obviously doesn't feel odd about it either. You'll get used to it and it'll be second nature soon. Good luck with it all smile

supportman Sat 23-Aug-08 21:21:00

Thats nice Thomcat, thanks. I think I must be nice as people can't get enough of me. I don't want to blow my own trumpet but a few days ago I had no less than 6 offers of work in the same evening grin and I am constantly hounded wherever I go to work for them direct. I turn most down as I like to pick and choose my work but currently have 4 employers so quite a bit of juggling.

I suppose it would become second nature as I didn't feel comfortable about changing boys to start with.

Thomcat Sat 23-Aug-08 21:24:53

But I think it's natural to feel uncomfortable to start with. I wouldn't feel comfortable changing the nappy of a child I hadn't quite got to know that well yet. And I think the older that child is the more personal it feels, whatever their gender, or yours. But as you get to know her it'll feel totally normal and you won't think twice about it.

msdemeanor Sat 23-Aug-08 21:39:24

I think people offer you work as you so cleary love working with kids with special needs, which is pretty unusual!

supportman Sat 23-Aug-08 22:34:03

Yes I love my job Msdemeanor, I find it very rewarding. Particully when I make a positive impact such as teaching new things and improving behaviour.

I don't think its unusual though, everyone I know loves their job and its not the sort of thing people do for the money.

supportman Sat 23-Aug-08 22:41:33

I agree Thomcat about age playing a big role, wherever possible any personal care of teenage boys is done by male carers, for both the kids and female carers who would probably rather not.

2shoes Sat 23-Aug-08 22:44:07

you sound really nice.
I wish you could work with dd
but as she is 13 the personal stuff would have to be lft to a woman.

supportman Sat 23-Aug-08 23:29:06

Yet another thanks, for 2shoes. People are so nice here. Although I have started to get used to it, once she reaches that sort of age any peronal care would be a no-no. Its one thing with a little girl but completly different once shes older.

2shoes Sat 23-Aug-08 23:36:41

I do really wish there were more men who worked at dd's school.
one of dd's freinds gets so much out of the time he spends with a bloke who volonteers there.
I have only seen 2 male carers(big sn school very well known in the south) dd likes men(sounds terrible put like that but you know what I mean) I found that she behaves better for them. now we have a male hairdresser hair cuts are a breeze.

nannynick Sun 24-Aug-08 09:29:59

supportman - I'm a male nanny and care for some children with autism. Have been working with children for some 18 years now, so I appreciate the issues you are coming across.

I don't find caring for a girl any different from caring for a boy. The only thing I find tricky is doing a girls hair - bunches never seem to be level!

Nappy changing could be done in disabled toilets. I expect she is far too heavy to be changed on those baby changing tables - so I expect you have some kind of mat/sheet so you can change her on the floor, or the child may like being changed standing up (a 6 year old I care for prefers that, though I find it more tricky).

I take children swimming. Pools these days often have Family changing and Disabled changing rooms - so use those. Don't use those big male changing rooms which some pools still have. Swimming pools should be making provision for disabled swimmers - so if you can't find appropriate changing places, ask at reception for assistance.

It is part of our job to tend to all the care requirements of the children for whom we care... so just get on with it.

TopBitch Mon 25-Aug-08 12:00:15

I would feel very uncomfortable having a male carer for DD. I don't mean to sound paranoid but I'm so scared that she'd be taken advantadge of and not be able to help herself.

Mitchell81 Mon 25-Aug-08 12:08:07

I wouldn't mind a male carer for DD, You have to have so much trust in anyone that looks after your DC that as long as you trust them. I don't think it matters male or female.

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