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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.


(14 Posts)
deeeja Sat 09-Aug-08 17:56:38

Why do I have to fill in all dla forms sort out all issues relating to sen, sort out all appointments, organise all family finances, sort out payment of all bills, be up in the night with dc's who are up all night. Why do I get no support network
Dh does nothing except......well nothing, and yet he gets all manner of sympathy, gets all sorts of help, for doing nothing!
Argh! Am so angrysad crying angry tears today!
I havbe had a headache for three days, that neither ibuprofen or anything else will sort out, and dh is being super-arse today. HE left a glass of water today, yes actual GLASS, potential A & E emergency waiting to happen big fat glass within easy reach of all kids today, right infront of 3 year old with autism and then walked out of the room. When I complained about it, he says 'well, what is wrong with that?'
I am so angry!angry

How dare he have such a childish attitude, an act like I am a nutter!
Today, I could seriously be a single parent!
I do everything anyway!
Sorry needed to rant, will be back much calmer when kids are in bed, as long as HE stays away from me!

moondog Sat 09-Aug-08 18:00:07

Oh dear. sad
Are yuo able to talk aobut it calmly?
Write it down?

deeeja Sat 09-Aug-08 20:42:23

Yes, am much calmer now Moondog. I think actually posting it on here helped me. I suppose we are both a bit frazzled at the moment, and I have not slept properly for days.
Sorry, feel a tad embarrassed now, especially when I know there are people on here with bigger problems than me.
I just get so tired having to keep an eye on everything all the time and then dh slips up a bit, and I feel as though I take on everything.
A bit (lot) of choccy, and some icecream, and feel better now.

moondog Sat 09-Aug-08 20:43:27

I'm really sorry. Women carry so much of the burden. I don't think men will ever grasp that.

Mamax4 Sat 09-Aug-08 22:10:46

Deeja, I am there with you. Plus my dh often accuses me of "making up" dcs' dx's for my own "purposes". Then he goes off for dinner with friends. I suspect ours is not very unusual of a situation. I have heard of autism being referred to as "extreme maleness"... maybe not so extreme.

Raine3 Sat 09-Aug-08 23:01:38

Trouble is they just don't think ... my hubby assumes that because he goes out to work every day that he is the one with the shitty end of the stick ... I keep offering to swap places but he never takes me up on the offer ... every now and again on a sunday I stay in bed late .... then go for a long bath just to give him a reality check ... eventually he will bring DS upstairs saying he wants his mum ! grin

Seuss Sun 10-Aug-08 07:39:28

It's the not thinking that gets me most. DH will do what I tell him (although often 'in a minute') but nothing more. If I give him a shopping list and I haven't written milk he won't get milk even though he knows there is none left and we use it all the time. It's not that hard to make the leap is it???? Also he quite often starts 'fun' things with the kids and then leaves for work and I have to talk them down or do the 'fun' thing for the next eight hours. Then he trundles in from work and gets stroppy after half-an-hour cos the kids are driving him nuts. grrrrrrrrrrrr. rant over.

amber32002 Sun 10-Aug-08 08:02:25

Work being worse than children??! Absolutely not. Well, some work might be, for example if he's working down the mines or as a mountain rescue climber, or a sewage-pipe-unblocker. But work that's just being in an office or out on the road is way, way easier than looking after children, let alone children with additional needs. How do I know? Because I've done full time work where I've had to travel round the country training people (don't ask how difficult that was for me...) and I've done full time mothering of a child with SEN and they're not even close.

Any parent, male or female, who's at home with children gets my full respect.

Arabica Sun 10-Aug-08 12:47:17

DH has taken the kids out for the day so that I can work (well, er, browse mumsnet) and it feels like a holiday--even though I had to pack the bag, tell him what and when to feed DD, find something for them to do and provide wet weather plan. Having a break, even for five hours, from the constant pressure of having to entertain 2 kids with completely different needs is bliss!

justdontknowanymore Sun 10-Aug-08 15:20:46

I am fed up too. We fight all the time now. I am at all home all the time with DC except for when he has appointments.

I get cross all the time with other DC.

I have no help, no support in the country.

I have seriously had enough....

jenk1 Sun 10-Aug-08 15:33:08

JDKAM sad for your situation, though can thoroughly sympathise.

HAveing children or a child with SN is totally draining,emotionally and physically,you cant describe it to somebody who doesnt know.

i got to your point last year and me and DH ended up splitting up twice, i had to shoulder all the responsibility and i was very angry and bitter towards him for being able to have a "break" when he was at work, the funny thing is i found it easier when we were apart as i got the whole weekend off!!!

we are togethr now though, DH came out of work and we are both full time carers and the stress levels have gone down and i do get more help albeit having to be the "director" and direct him to do anything and everything, sometimes i feel like im mum to 3 and not 2!!!!!!

ouryve Sun 10-Aug-08 15:55:08

Oh, dear. I hope today is a better day for oyu

And you know, my DH, to his credit, is wonderful (he's changing nappies right now while I sit on my arse because I've sprained my wrist!) but he still leaves glasses lying around. When I tell him to drink it in the kitchen, he insists he can't drink quickly and needs to sip it. DS2 likes nothing better than to empty out glasses and lob them across the room and DS1, although he's 4, is well known for his love of wet messes and will happily deliberately knock someone carrying a drink so he can watch the mess made if something spills.

I just don't get the male gaps in common sense.

Seuss Sun 10-Aug-08 20:13:09

I confess to leaving a glass on my bedside table yesterday - which did get picked up and lobbed.blush This was even more stupid of me as ds has just started throwing things out of upstairs windows (quite glad the weather isn't up to much as now have to keep them closed!)

I read some scary statistic about failure of marraiges amongst parents with SN children (as usual I can't remember where I read it - my mind is too full of useless rubbish, and contingency plans for every possible situation/scrape ds could get in).

Seuss Sun 10-Aug-08 20:14:02

Can't actually remember what the statistic was either - I think perhaps I will just shut up and pootle off for a rest.

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