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Why does ds2's behaviour only worry me.

(9 Posts)
meea Thu 10-Feb-05 13:18:50

Is it possible that he could be a completly different child when at nursery.
I tried to express my concerns about him at nursery this morning ,but apparently he is fine while there.
She even went a far as to say that she feels that he is winding me up.
I can't help but wonder if he responds well at nursery because it is very structured and doesn't leave him with many choices.
I am aware that our home life is chaotic ds2 is the youngest of 4 and that we don't have much of a routine as I am always trying to split myself 4 ways.
He is being assessed by a clinical psycologist this afternoon at nursery and I am worried that my concerns will be ignored if he is as different as they say he is.
Should I try and set up some sort of timetable to help him at home and if I did how would I go about it.

pixel Thu 10-Feb-05 14:22:44

I remember my mum going to see my sister's teacher when she was in the infants because she was so worried about her behaviour. The teacher was astounded as my sister was a complete angel at school, practically teacher's pet!

Mum's theory was that she was putting so much energy into being 'good' at school that she'd completely run out of patience by the time she got home and we all had to put up with the 'worst' side of her. Mum was quite relieved that it wasn't the other way around!

Don't know if this is the case with your ds though. It's good that he is being assessed as it will hopefully put your mind at rest. Good luck!

coppertop Thu 10-Feb-05 15:00:52

I had a similar conversation about my ds2 yesterday during his Psych/SALT appointment. I mentioned how the creche staff who look after him once a week have said that he is fine with them and gets on well with others. The Psych said that this may well be because some of the signs are quite subtle or that they may be mistaking his behaviour for something else. The examples she use was that the creche staff have said that he has always been perfectly happy to be separated from me. They saw this as a good thing, which in a way it is. However, the Psych said that she would have concerns about a young toddler who had never had a babysitter or been to a nursery if they showed absolutely no emotion whatsoever about being left for the first time. It doesn't mean that such a child would be expected to cry or get upset but that they should at least wonder where their mother was going or when they would be coming back etc.

Ds2 has also been described as getting on well with others. In fact, the Psych and SALT both noted that ds2 spent a large proportion of the time making little or no eye contact, not communicating any needs and not having any urge to share his interest in the toys. With the best will in the world even staff at a specialist nursery may miss a lot of important stuff.

meea Thu 10-Feb-05 19:00:13

Glad it' not just me.
The clinical psycoloigist observed him for an hour but wouldn't discuss it with the nursery staff.So no idea what his report will say.
I am glad that he wouldn't discuss it with them before speaking to us.
Ds2 didn't remember him from our last appointment but seemed quite upset about the fact that someone had been watching him. He seemed quite worried about it.
He seems to have become very anxious all of a sudden.

JaysMum Thu 10-Feb-05 19:19:14

Personally I agree with coopertop.....J has very little eye contact with anyone....yet his teacher reported that it was not a problem.....then we pointed out how little eye contact he had...she then noticed it andsaid it was a problem....does that make sense...its been a long day!!!!

Routine is so very important to our children. I use a visual time table...lots of laminated pictures attached to a pin board with velcro. Each night before I go to bed I plan out J's day with his pictures. The next morning he can see what we are going to do and in which sequence. It helps him understand what is going on....gives a good routine etc.

coppertop Fri 11-Feb-05 07:34:35

We use visual timetables with ds1 too. We have a strip of card with space for 4 velcroed pictures. The pictures are put on in the morning and we do pictures for the morning's activities, eg Breakfast, Bus. Shops, Home. When we get back I do the pictures for the afternoon. This gives us a certain amount of flexibility in case plans need to be changed or the weather changes etc. In the early days we used to take a smaller strip with us showing a picture of the last activity we were doing and then the Home picture. This reinforced the visual timetable at home.

You can make them as detailed (or otherwise) as you like. We don't use pictures to show things like getting dressed, brushing teeth etc because those are things that ds1 will do automatically. Other children may well need that extra info.

meea Fri 11-Feb-05 07:56:20

I'm going to have a go at making him one today.
I think I will start with the simple things like breakfast, school, home and then try and structure his time at home to try and stop him getting distressed at not being able to play playstation all day.That's his latest obsession he tends to rotate between playstation ,cars, footballs and his rocking caterpillar.
Looks like I need to buy a laminator .

coppertop Fri 11-Feb-05 07:59:55

It would be a crime not to buy a laminator!

pixel Fri 11-Feb-05 12:17:47

Meea Just read all this and realised that I got the wrong end of the stick, sorry. When you mentioned 'winding you up' I assumed that you meant generally naughty, defiant behaviour or cheekiness. I didn't realise you had concerns about possible SN and I hope you didn't think I was dismissing your worries as I know how that feels!

I should have realised as you are posting on the SN board. Note to self-pay more attention!

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