3.5yr old aspergers worries. Any opinions?

[lorralorra]

My DS is 3yrs 7mos and almost all his life I have worried that something isn't right. However I constantly waver between 'right I'm going to the GP and asking for a referral TODAY' and 'Oh I think he's fine, just a bit immature'. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

He meets all his milestones but seems to get there a bit later than normal (probably within normal limits though). He didn't say and words until around 17 months and has continued to be behind with speech. He has recently been referred to speech therapy and there is some concern there but his bottom teeth lie in front of his tops ones so the SALT's comment was 'he's really doing his very best considering the teeth problem and the late onset of talking'. He is not very sociable unless prompted with phrases to say to other children on playdates. He doesn't have many social niceities (sp) and will push away a snack being offered to him or just do a babyish whinge instead of saying no thanks. He does a lot of baby talk and whining rather than actually speaking. He sometimes finds things other children do hysterically funny and laughs so much but this is OTT and other children aren't always that impressed with his reaction! He has started to get rebuffed by other children which is hard to watch . He seems SO immature for his age and I don't know if there is more to it. He is not good at entertaining himself either and would rather just lie around doing nothing sometimes rather than playing alone (he loves playing 1-1 with an adult). He is cautious of jumping off things though goes to a gym class which he loves. He is good at the academic stuff- he knows most of the alphabet sounds and names. He recognises most no.'s 0-20 but not reliable to 100 so not freakishly bright I guess. He wants to read words though and can recognise words such as Tesco and Thomas written in my writing out of context etc. He is having a good go at writing his name.

Erm this is turning into a ramble and I should have really written it as a list instead! I am trying to describe him but have probably missed lots out. Oh yes, he has obsessions with things like everywhere we go at the moment, he wants to know if there's a lift or stairs or an escalator! If we've been there before he will tell you which of the above there is! He generally copes well with change so long as it doesn't involve something he's scared of. If anyone has any thoughs, please let me know. My main worries are he is incredibly immature and the social side with peers. Many thanks

[tjm237]

Have you actually been to see your GP or Health Visitor with your worries? From what you have said I would think you have enough for them to at least monitor his progress for say, the next 6 months. Ask to be referred to a paedetrician - they will ask you loads of questions and it is basically your responses which lead them to diagnose or not. Your son sounds very similar to mine at that age (he is now 10 and has high functioning autism which was diagnosed when he was four and a half). I felt much like you but when he went to nursery it became clear to me how different he was to the other kids (he never played with them and almost seemed to not notice they were even there). He was obsessed with the computer - he could read and do numbers up to about 20 at that time but you could nothave any form of two way conversation with him.

[Buckets]

Would def see GP for referral as the process does take a long time - my DS is the same age and it took a year from first GP appt to diagnosis (AS). He's only just starting pre-school next month and is getting extra help to 'fit in' - doesn't follow adult direction until you're really on his list and only plays with other kids if he thinks they are chasing him.

In the meantime, have you discussed it with his pre-school/nursery? Did the initial SALT assessment mention anything?

[Marne]

My dd has aspergers (in the process of being diagnosed), she was referesd when she was 3, she's now 4 ans we still don't have a diagnosis in writing.

Since being refered dd has come along in leeps and bounds, from being a shy anxious little girl to being confident and chatty. She still shows some traits of aspergers but not as many as she did last year. She was obsessed with the the computer and numbers, she now reads at the level of a 6 year old and can do simple mathmatics, she starts school in september. She also finds it easier to talk to adults rather than children.

I agree that if you are worried get a referral now as it can take a long time.

[lorralorra]

Thanks so much for the replies. I just feel all over the place and from a purely selfish point of view, I find the uncertainty really hard. It's really useful to hear what other LO's (with an AS tendencies) were like at DS' age.

tmj- I've not spoken out to any health prof's yet. V unlike me as if it was anything physical I'd really be on their backs! I can definitely have a 2 way conversation with DS but there are times when he seems to zone out and he won't say much, like he's in another world. DS loves going to pre-school and runs in etc. He seems interested in the other children but I think their language is so above his that he just doesn't bother. Pre-school's last comment to me was that he'd just had another surge in confidence and was 'even starting to talk to other children'. What worries me though is he was probably saying something non-typical of a boy his age. Tbh he is a lot better with children around the age of 2 as they can kind of share in some fun where speech doesn't factor so much!

Buckets - the SALT didn't mention anything but do you think she might after only seeing DS for 40 ih minutes? It would be good if these people do but do they? She asked what DS was like at pre-school. She said 'oh really' when I said he wasn't really at the stage of making friends with peers. She also commented that he'd done well in terms of joining in with the assessment as he was quite chatty with her and asked her a good few questions. He is so much better with adults than children.

Marne - Good to hear about the improvements your dd has made. Do you think that it may be immaturity with her now? Or do you still think aspergers? I am going to have to be brave and get a referral. I don't know why I'm finding this so hard. If anyone else has any other comments please join in.

[Buckets]

It is hard, that's why. But it's a case of setting the ball in motion so that if you do come to a conclusion yourself in the next 6m to a year, you won't then have to start from scratch. Right up to hearing the diagnosis I was 50/50 about my DS, maybe it was all in my head etc. I also worried if he was pronounced normal, how he would feel later that we had had him assessed for autism. The answer to that is that he would still be eccentric and difficult at times and it would become part of our family legend . The diagnosis (or lack thereof) doesn't change your child's personality, he's still your funny little boy. But it does allow you to ditch all those doubts and get on with your lives together.

PS Our SALT assessment flagged it up as DS got 'lost' in a rolling car toy and completely blanked her LOL. Every AS child is different, mine has more social issues than some but is also extremely full of himself and not anxious like many others. And everyone has a little Aspergers in them somewhere, it's what helps you focus.

[lorralorra]

I wish I'd asked the SALT for her opinion now. I told my DH that I was going to but never did because when things are going ok I chicken out!! What is your DS like on playdates?

[Buckets]

Tends to ignore the other child completely for the first half hour, no toy sharing, will eventually engage by the last half hour! Usually some kind giggling chasing game or a reciprocal shrieking game.
My metaphor is that he is the only real person in a cartoon world, like Bob Hoskins in Roger Rabbit. You can imagine how hard it would be to take people seriously and not find them irritating. He gets more fun, affectionate and 'with it' every day but at age 2 I felt like I'd achieved the status of fondly patronised old pet dog with him .

[amber32002]

www.autismresearchcentre.com/tests/default.asp

That link will take you to the sorts of tests that professionals use when they are working out if a child (or adult) is on the autistic spectrum. Might give you some ideas on what they look for?

[lorralorra]

Thank you Amber, that is a good link.

Have been to GP today who listened kindly and said she would refer DS to a developmental paed. She didn't really comment on DS much, I suppose she can't really though after such a short meeting. She did ask if he climbed the stairs to her room with one or two feets on each step- he uses 2 still... Is this relevant in particular?

I feel so down today. I don't want to be with DS . I can't stand the baby babble. I have just told him off for it and he started saying 'hooray hooray'. This is a phrase I told him he could use yesterday when he won a game we were playing (instead of baby gibberish). That must be autistic??

\am thinking of phoning GP tomorrow and asking if a private referral would be any quicker than the 5-6 weeks that she said. Does anyone know?

[Buckets]

Well done for making the move. Don't know anything about private stuff I'm afraid.
Sorry you're feeling low, it's hard to stay upbeat all the time, especially when your head is so full of contradictions[smiles].
Things will get better, sometimes the improvements are slow and painful, sometimes they are big Darwinian leaps, it's just different to other kids.

Haven't heard about the stair thing but my DS walks on his toes which is a common one.
He amazed us today with unprecedented soppiness on meeting his new baby brother for the first time (had him last night!)

[dragonbaby]

i to knew something wasnt right withdd and was told it was terrible twos etc etc its only now she is 5 that they took me seriously and have asbergas

[lorralorra]

Buckets- many congratulations on DS2, what lovely news about DS' reaction too . My DS likes bossing his baby sister around and encouraging her to make babbly noises! I feel a bit better but then DS is in bed so I guess I would!

Have looked up the alternate steps up the stairs thing. They are supposed to do it by 36 months ish. So he's only a few months behind and sometimes does it for a few steps.