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One small step forward and we trip at the next hurdle.

(11 Posts)
MrsFROSTgetful Wed 09-Feb-05 22:52:29

2 weeks ago i wrote one of my famous letters to the head of school (senco and class teacher) pointing out L's distress at school etc and asking them to get the outreach team to observe and advise.

was beginning to think that nothing had been acted on....when tonight as i was tucking Lin bed he said out of the the blue that his teacher had said she had noticed that he was "trying to tell her something"....what she refered to was his handwriting /spelling exercises where he keeps putting things like "everyone hates me because i am disgusting"........i was feeling so frustrated as i had read his work- and she had maked it....and NOTHING was said. If he had said that MY MUM SAYS I AM DISGUSTING- then she would have hauled social services in no doubt.

So....need to dig and delve a bit more to see what else she said etc.... amazing how he 'just came out with it'.... he also is saying he has loads of friends suddenly....so hopefully she has asked some children to 'buddy up' or 'just be kind'

The pain i feel for him i cannot describe- he has huge dark brown eyes and lashes to die for- and whhen he is happy he glows- but lately he has looked sullen and almost grey faced- to see him 'light up' tonight is fantastic.

DINGLE YOU said your son reported that kids are being cruel about his sister....i wanted to post on there but i feel too sad for her....not sure what understanding she has of what's being said- with L he understood it only too well....so when he said they say he's boring/stupid/disgusting/ ugly....I say "well , are you??? DO i think you are ?....remember your big brown eyes that i love so much?"...etc....bit like you reminding him that THEY DON'T KNOW HER etc....so io reckon you are 'spot on' and he's fantastic for telling you!


So now on to the bit that went badly today.....

'A' as you know is my youngest of 3 boys....and more and more is happening to make me think he's likely to be AS/ADHD

Today he was sent to the head after spitting in at least 5 childrens hair in the playground (imaginge what their mum's will think of him now....no more party invites for him....he's approaching 6yrs old and with the other 2 boys ...at age 6 noone invited them either)

So the teacher was sommoned to find him.......and he ran off and hid from her in a doorway. (yesterday he refused to comeout from under our dining table )

she took him to the head-he refused to apologise- and what i have a problem about is THEY HAVEN'T TOLD ME.

Now ..... they know that i think he needs assessing too..... and if they told me what he gets up to like today- then they know i'd push push push....but i told them ages ago that as long as he was happy/had friends and responded to 'punishment ...yucky word) then i agreed that he should remain at school action...etc..... but basically thios latest incident (to me ) clearly says 3 things
1) he is impulsive
2) unable to see consequences
3) no remorse
4)repeats the 'offence' again despite being told to stop

So....feel that they are NOT telling me because they know what i will do......can there be any other way of looking at this.

To me the fact that he was taken staright to the head (no warnings etc) tells me this was seen as a serious 'offence'...and certainly if i were the parent of the ones he spat at then i'd expect the parent to be told.....sometimes having my son L there too has its uses as he tells me everything...and has a good track record of being spot on. still hope he's wrong!

So....for my part i have explained why sorry will help- so he is going to make sorry cards for all concerned....but for the life of me i cannot get him to understand the 'stop and think before you act ' concept

Gwenick Wed 09-Feb-05 22:59:09

not really sure what to say but [hugs]

macwoozy Wed 09-Feb-05 23:12:45

That sounds like my little boy who has asd. When I explain to him why sometimes his behaviour is offensive towards other people, (in simple terms though as he has a bit of a problem with communicating) it seems he understands and is sorry, and yet 2 mins later he could go out and do exactly what I've just told him not to, and then looks surprised that I'm annoyed with him, he has such problems understanding the feelings of others. Good luck with the school

MrsFROSTgetful Wed 09-Feb-05 23:59:25

thanks....my husband lost his temper with him tonight over this- and he just looks so confused about what he's being told off about.

Dingle Thu 10-Feb-05 10:10:12

Oh,,,MrsF! Hugs all round then!

There's me trying to be so strong, and now I am just a tearful blob, sitting here blubbing into my first cuppa of the day!!!

MrsFROSTgetful Thu 10-Feb-05 10:14:23

thats the good thing about this place dingle- we are in it together!!

connorsmum Thu 10-Feb-05 10:41:30

I also don't know what to say, but wanted to send some (((BIG HUGS)))

amynnixmum Thu 10-Feb-05 10:46:14

{{{{hugs}}}}

MrsFROSTgetful Thu 10-Feb-05 10:58:45

I didn't expect this!!

Dingle Thu 10-Feb-05 11:02:08

Why??? What do you mean?

Like you said, we are all in it together!!
It's just that some of the hurdles seem more like 10 foot brick walls at times!!

MrsFROSTgetful Thu 10-Feb-05 11:04:54

i think the hardest bit for 'A' is that he is still being seen as 'attention seeking' and therefore when he does these things 'out of context' he is then seen as naughty for not being sorry....the original bad behaviour is then not the issue- it's his lack of remorse etc

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